Cole

Breakup

I could not sleep that night at all and when I finally got out of bed in the morning and went into the bathroom I looked like the monster that I was.  Jill came by wanting to go running and all the rest and I said no, emphatically.  She could tell I was in a bad mood and left me alone, but she also began to whimper a bit because she knew I was not going to give her any sex that day.

I threw some clothes on and hardly ate anything and then left for the bus.  My clothes were all messy and my hair was a mess too.  I took a shower but I never really dried myself off much so my clothes were wet.  I just didn't care about anything anymore.  I think I even forgot my school books.  There was only one thing to do and it was to tell Manda, the most beautiful and wonderful girl a guy could ever have, that I was going to leave her.

When I went down to the bus stop and then waited there I just looked at the ground.  I didn't want to look at anybody.  When the bus arrived I was the last one to enter the bus.

After entering I saw Manda there in her usual seat.  She briefly smiled at me but then could tell something was wrong so the smile faded.  I sat next to her, as usual, but that was the only thing that was as usual.  She was as gorgeous as ever but I could not bring myself to look at her.  I could not let her stop me from doing what I had to do.  I had to break our bond to save her from me.

"What's wrong, Cole, you look awful," she said.

"Everything", was all I could say.

"Huh?"

"Everything", I repeated.

The ride to the school was quiet.  Neither one of us talked.  I just looked at the floor.  I didn't look at anything else.  I could not look at her.

When we arrived at the school and the bus stopped I got up and walked straight off the bus.  I stood on the ground and waited for Manda to exit.  I looked her in the eyes and caught her gaze as she popped out of the bus and she knew something bad was about to happen.  She knew me so well.

"Manda, I, I  um, need to tell you something.  Let's go off to the side on the grass a ways."

She looked me in the eyes.  Tears were falling down my face.  I could tell her eyes were starting to well up too.  We walked over to a spot about fifty yards from where the busses unloaded, closer to the athletic fields.

I stopped but could not look her in the face.  My brief glance at her told me she was in a state of dread already.

"Ma....Manda,  I can't....  I can't be your boyfriend anymore," I said hardly able to speak with my voice cracking.

"Wha...What are you saying Cole!", she gasped.

"I...I am breaking up with you," I said with a weakened voice.  I could not believe that I would ever say that to her.  She was so perfect for me.

"No!  No your not, Cole!", she said starting to cry.

"Yes, I am."

"Why?  Why? Why", she said with big sobs.

"Because I am no good for you.  I... I never told you this, but I am a rapist worse than Tom, a murderer, a terrorist, a sick purverted old man, and a frankenstein monster of sewn together dead parts.  There is nothing good about me.  You need to find a better boyfriend like George Thompson  or Randy Evans or someone like that.  I see them looking at you.  They are nice guys.  Go with them.  I am garbage."

"No, Cole!  I belong to you and nobody else.  Why do you say such horrible lies about yourself? If it wasn't for you I would be dead.  You are the nicest most honest and caring guy I have ever met and you are my guy.  I don't want anybody else......  Don't do this to me!", she said bending over in big tears.