Reverse operation // Thiam

Freak

"Hey Theo."

No awkwardness, good start.

"Hey." I said smiling faintly. Be cool Theo, be cool.

The truth is I'd never really spoke to everyone from the pack before. Yes Allison and Stiles, yes more recently Scott and Isaac, yes mason and Corey once or twice, but the rest of them. No freaking way.

Derek didn't like people, Ethan and Jackson were intimidating, so was Malia. Not that I'd ever admit that. Aiden and Parrish stayed out of your business, Lydia and Kira I really had no clue and Peter and Chris just confused me. Melissa had gone back to work and now I had no one to cover for me. True I'd been around these people, like the day I first moved in and around school hut I'd never really technically spoke to them face to face. That frightened the shit out of me.

"How are you?" There it was, that dreaded question. I looked to Lydia who had a small smile on her face.

"I'm fine." I gave her one back. She nodded but I saw the way her eyes flitted down to the sleeves of my jacket and I pulled the arms down even further, ashamed.

"We heard you and Liam started dating." Kira prompted smiling.

"Uh yeah." I nodded not really knowing what to say. I didn't know how much Liam had told them.

"We actually dated a while back." Liam said surprising me a little.

"Really?" Malia said intrigued, "How long for?"

"A year."

"Really?"

"How did we not notice?"

"Why did you break up?"

"Why did you get back together?"

"What happened with Hayden?"

I screwed my eyes shut trying to block out the million questions that were coming our way.

"I'm just gonna go get a drink okay?" I said touching Liams arm.

"Are you okay?" He said immediately. I frowned a little.

"Course I'm okay." I gave a small smile again and he nodded. I disappeared into the kitchen and as soon I was out of eyeshot my smile dropped and I clutched onto the counter.

"Breathe Theo breathe." I screwed my eyes shut again trying to remember Liams breathing pattern from before, trying to slow my own down.

"I knew you weren't okay." I heard his voice behind me and I turned around.

"No really! I'm fine!"

"Theo."

"Liam I don't need someone to follow me around all the time."

"Well when you're having a panic attack in the fucking kitchen I think you do." I managed to get my breathing slower.

"See, I'm perfectly fine." I said turning to leave the kitchen and return to the other room but Liam grabbed my wrist. I hissed in pain and he let go.

"Shit sorry!"

"No, no it's fine." I said shaking my head,

"Theo you're not fine." He sighed, "You haven't been fine for a while." He placed his hands on my chest.

"Just stop fighting." I moved away and Liam looked at me hurt.

"If I stopped fighting Liam, I wouldn't be here anymore." I left the kitchen leaving Liam to interpret whatever he thought it meant. I expected him to return and the conversation could resume later but Liam really had no filter.

"Theo!" He said coming in after me his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. "You can't say that."

"Liam can we talk about this later."

"No you can't just tell me that you've thought about killing yourself then walk away?" My breath hitched.

"What?" Chris said from behind me.

"Nothing! I didn't say that I didn't-" I looked at Liam in hurt and I could tell he knew he had messed up. But I don't think he cared.

"Show me them." He said and I knew what he meant, "show me them Theo." He stepped forwards and at the same time I stepped back.

"No."

"Theo!"

"No!" I pulled my sleeves down further. "Look Liam I love you. But no fucking way." I turned to go upstairs and I felt a hand close around my wrist again. I hissed at the burn of pain and spun round.

Rip.

I heard the sound of material splitting and froze. I felt a hand close around my wrist again, eyes ready to inspect but I pulled my arm away.

"No!" I shouted at Liam and he looked up at me. "You really have no shame do you?" He turned around and saw the faces of all his friends looking back at him.

"Freak! That's what their all thinking. Freak!" My throat burned as the tears pushed at my eyes.

"Freak Theo Raeken slits his wrists. Freak Theo Raeken wants to kill himself. Freak Theo Raeken can't eat a bloody meal without spewing it up afterwards!" I shouted not caring how loud I was getting.

"And you know what Liam." I hissed, "This all started because of you." The words left my mouth before I could stop them and Liam turned to me confused.

"What?"

"No I didn't mean-"

"This is my fault?" He breathed shaking his head.

"No I-"

"Oh my god." He covered his mouth with a shaking hand. "Oh my god." He glanced down again at my wrist and then he was gone.

"Shit." I cursed falling back into one of the steps. I put my head in my hands my fingers amidst my hair. "Shit shit shit." There was a creak of footsteps and a small thud beside me. I looked up and saw Stiles.

"What so you want Stiles." I said not really in the mood for mockery.

"Can I see?" He asked and I was confused.

"I guess." I moved my arms from my head laying them on my knees. He studied them for a moment brushing his thumb over a few. Then he took a deep breath rolling up his own sleeve and resting his arm next to mine.

"You like to think you're alone Theo." He said sadly as I stared down at his wrist. "But your not."

"You never have been."