The Boy I Knew

The Nightmares

I woke up to the blissful aroma of coffee coming from the kitchen. PJ's side of the bed was empty and nicely made. I stretch and slowly get out of bed, tired from the lack of sleep I got last night. I put on some sweatpants and a T-shirt and head down the hallway to the kitchen. PJ is pouring me a cup of coffee. He looks up and sees me walking in, and his face lights up.

"Good mornin gorgeous!" He greets me. He's too awake, usually PJ isn't this awake in the morning. I smile and walk up to the bar where he's pouring the coffee.

"Good morning" I say back through a yawn. He slides the cup of coffee over to me.

"I figured you'd need this." He says with a smile. I nod and take it.

"I didn't know where anything was in here, but I knew Camille Decker can't live without coffee, and that there was some around here somewhere." He jokes. It's true, I gotta have my coffee. I chuckle as I take a sip and wait for the sweet buzz of caffeine to kick in. We walk over to the couch and sit down. I just sit there and sip my coffee, thinking of last night.

"Thanks for staying with me last night. Even after the whole nightmare thing." I'm so happy I asked PJ to stay before I fell asleep, because if I would have had to go through the aftermath of that nightmare alone, I would have been a mess. PJ looks over at me and puts a hand on my leg.

"Of course, I wasn't just going to leave you. You needed me." He says to me, smiling a comforting smile. "It kinda felt like old times....Comforting you and protecting you."

I just look at PJ and give him a slight smile.

So something about me that I've kind of touched on, but haven't expanded on, is how I grew up. Earlier on when I said I've been through a lot, and PJ said I never had it easy....This is why. I was always at PJ's. I practically lived there. My dad was an alcoholic who liked to beat on me and my mom. Mom worked all the time, so I was at home with my dad, a lot. And surprise, my mom was also a drunk, and a druggie. So I had nobody on my side....Except PJ. I always had PJ. Sometimes I'd ride home with him after school and not go home the rest of the night, but then I'd have to suffer consequences for not coming home. So most of the time, I'd just wait till my dad passed out, and I'd sneak out of my window and go to PJ's. My childhood home was just a couple blocks from PJ's, so I'd walk. I'd go to school with PJ, and come home after, just to sneak out again and repeat the process. Some of those nights were bad, and I'd go to PJ's a complete mess. He would hold me and console me. I think that's why I feel so safe in his arms. PJ's family practically took me in. They were the only normalcy I had in my life, besides the fact that his family was goofy and a little chaotic....But a good, fun chaotic. There was always people over, and the house was full of laughter 24/7. I felt so welcome. His mom and dad knew my situation as soon as they found out who my parents were. In this town, everyone knows everyone.

We sit on the couch in silence as I try to wake up.

"So....You wanna talk about it?" PJ asks. I know he's curious, but I know he also just wants me to know I can talk to him about it, which I already know. I yawn again and shrug.

"Sure" I say, taking another sip of my coffee. PJ turns so he's facing me, sitting cross-legged.

"So honestly....I have no idea about any of it. I don't know why I dreamed these things, I still don't understand any of it really....Well, I have reoccurring dreams sort of like it, but this time there were some added things that make no sense at all." I start to explain. Now I have to tell him about the reoccurring dreams I have of him.

PJ looks at me with sensitive eyes as he reaches over and grabs my hand. He smiles at me to comfort me, and it works. I smile back and take a deep breath to explain this crazy nightmare. PJ squeezes my hand as I start to tell what happened.

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"A baby?" PJ says, looking down with wide eyes. " You're not...." He starts to ask, looking at me with the same wide eyes, but I interrupt.

"No!! No I'm not Pregnant PJ" I answer, laughing. He lets out a deep breath he was holding back till he got an answer.

"Oh okay, thank god" he says, relieved. One would think that would offend me, but it didn't. PJ and I aren't even together, and even thought I'm in my 30's, I am not ready to be a mom. "But aren't dreams your subconscious mind trying to tell you something?" He asks, looking at me with worried eyes again. Trust me, I've thought about it. I'm a firm believer that your dreams have meaning. I mean, why else would I be having these reoccurring dreams of PJ after all these years. But a baby? No, that doesn't make any sense.

"Well, yeah maybe but....PJ it's fine, I'm not pregnant I swear." I say, putting a hand on his leg and calming him down. He smiles and nods, letting out a little chuckle.

"I mean, I'm sure you're not, I'm pretty good at what I do." He flirts with a wink. I throw my head back in laughter.

"Oh yeah? Is that why you have one unplanned child already?" I joke, and we both laugh.

"I was younger then....And less experienced." PJ says as he rubs the back of his neck. We look at each other and laugh. But then it gets quiet, and I can tell we're both thinking.

"Why was I leaving you? In your dream? Usually when you think things, or something bothers you....You dream them. You think I'd leave you?" PJ asks me.

"No! I don't think that at all, I just think it still stems from the past. When you left for LA without telling me. Because....I actually have reoccurring dreams similar to this...." I admit. PJ looks at me with those sweet, brown, sympathetic eyes. "The same thing happens, except the baby thing....And you're 18. And I try to keep you from leaving and you don't say anything and you just drive away. Every time I had the dream, you just drove away....And I think that's why your 18 year old self was with you...." I explain even more. PJ just keeps staring. "Why I had a dream of you leaving me in the present, I honestly don't know. Because I know you won't, PJ." I add, just so he knows. After our talk the night before, I'm really confident. I know he still loves me, he won't just leave me.

"Well I hope you don't." He says, reaching for my hand again. "Because Camille...." He says slowly, looking into my eyes. "I am not going anywhere." He says honestly. I believe him.

"I also have one where we're at school, in the hallway. I go to talk to you and you just look me flat in the face and ignore me." I explain the other nightmare I've had. PJ just shakes his head.

"Do you have nightmares this bad very often?" He asks me. I look down. It takes me a few seconds before I nod slowly, answering his question. PJ sighs and shakes his head even more.

"Well, you won't go through them alone anymore. And hopefully, eventually, they'll go away." He says, comforting me. I smile and nod.

"Camille, I'm sorry I just left you. Clearly I broke you. And I'm so, so sorry. And I hope I can make up for it....I left because I was heartbroken too, but now it feels so good to know it was all just a big misunderstanding."

I smile at him and nod.

"But now....I gotta make up for lost time." He says, looking at me with a sweet smile. I get a warm, happy feeling in my stomach, and all I can do is return the smile.

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Hey guys!! Be honest with me, how do you like it? It's starting to pick up, and I promise you, it'll only get better! Please let me know what you think!