Cat eyes (Camilo Madrigal x reader)

Chapter 23

Tw: angst

I slowly opened my eyes and came back to my senses. My limbs started moving and I reached out for Camilo, but he wasn't next to me.
I heard a shaky whimper from the floor and I sat up.
My vision was still blurry after sleeping, yet I could still glimpse a blurry yellow ruana in front of me.

"Camilo? Are you okay?" I asked and rubbed my eyes.
I heard a gasp and his cries stopped.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He then mumbled under his breath.
"Are you sure?" I carefully asked and slid down next to him. He sniffled and quickly wiped his eyes from tears.
"Yeah. I'm sorry I woke you up." He then said, looking down at the floor.
He looked so small, the way he held his knees close to his face.
"You can talk to me Camilo, I won't judge." I assured him.
"I know. You're a nice person, I just.... I just don't know how to... explain it." He sighed and rested his nose on his knees.

I took a few seconds to answer, "would you like to try?" I asked, keeping my concerned eyes at his direction.
The room seemed so quiet all of a sudden.
He raised his head and then nodded.
I scooted closer to him and put my arm around him, my comforting touch, made him break into crying again. Little tears streamed down his freckled cheeks and his teeth showed from his whimpering mouth.
"It's okay, take your time. I'm here for you." I comforted and he did and got control over his shaky breath.

"...I don't remember what I look like." He whispered hoarsely, his eyes frightened of himself.
"I was looking in the mirror and I've just been shifting so much I couldn't- I can't remember anymore. I can't even remember me. I mean everyone is someone, but who am I? I don't even know who I am anymore, y/n, it's like I don't even exist." His shaky voice became more desperate as he spoke.

"Because of your gift?" I softly asked.
"More like a curse. I can't even look myself in the mirror for crying out loud." He chuckled, I stayed quiet.
"I'm so sorry." I hugged him and let him cry on my shoulder. His sadness reminded me of something and suddenly i felt it too.
"Camilo do you ever feel lonely?" I asked, feeling tears threatening to come out.
"Yea... why?" He looked up at me.
I bit my lip to stop the tears and then talked when my voice calmed down.
I felt my stomach pull together just at the thought. He took my hands in his when he realized.
"When I was fourteen, my..." the tears couldn't be held back anymore and I cracked.
My hands flew to my face and I sobbed like a child.
I gulped and tried to stop my crying, so I could continue.
'Get it together y/n.'

"When I was fourteen, my best friend Manuela was going through a hard time. She had a drinking problem at a young age because of her depression and anxiety." I sniffled and wiped my nose with my sleeve.
"Shit." Camilo muttered. I appreciated that he was here, hence I hadn't talked to anyone about Manuela before.
"She was kind of in the same situation as you I think. She said she never felt like herself and like she wasn't a real person because she was being manipulated by her parents. I had no idea she felt that way until..."
I paused and stared into the air before continuing,

"...until she killed herself. July third, it was her birthday party and everyone came to celebrate and she..." My voice was unsteady again at the horrible memories. I felt a black void inside my stomach and I realized I wasn't breathing.
"She killed herself after we had a fight. It's my fault, Camilo, it's all my fault." I sobbed and buried my head in his chest to cry out my frustrations.
"Hey, I'm sure it wasn't you fault, you said she had some depression and stuff there was probably a lot going on for her at the moment." Camilo sniffled and tried to comfort me, but I couldn't stop crying.
She was the only friend I had.

"I know, but I could have done something. I could have at least been there for her." I hissed into his chest.
Camilo started petting my hair and I felt empty. Like I had lashed out all my worries and now there was nothing left of me, no feelings, no thoughts and I gave Camilo another tight hug.
"Woah" he huffed out, not prepared for the attack.