Ms. try's to much

Chapter 6: drowning

Date: February 22nd 2022 aka 2/22/22 (for us Americans)
There is no school today cause of weather conditions so I'm writing this from home which sucks cause it's a bit harder for me but it does have auto correct cause I'm typing on my phone. Today will not really be a diary entry. It's just gonna be how my day is going so far and how I'm gonna tell it I guess I don't know. Anyways I woke up from a text from ash saying we had a two hour delay. I then went out to my parents to see if it was true and they confirmed it was. Before I get to the rest of my story let me tell you about my dream. So in dream number 1 me and Sylvia were hanging out or something and there was a statue of Jesus and satan holding hands and I looked away from it and Sylvia said "omg they're kissing" I turn back around and they weren't but she says "that's kind of gay" and that's where that dream ended. Anyways I got up cleaned my piercings and went back to bed. I then have another short dream and Chris was in it. It was me and him goofing off in my third period class (which we don't have together) and he was just being funny. Then I woke up to a knock on my door and my dad said that school was completely canceled. I was sad cause I wanted to have school today. I was gonna ask Cici to the library. The week was gonna go as planned so next week I didn't have pe 3 times. (Our schedules are weird) and I wanted to spend time with my friends. But nooo so I just went back to bed. But that didn't happen. I just laid there. I felt sick. My cheeks were hot and so I went on tiktok and found the reason why. It's because I was sad. I watched videos and all I could think about was death sorta. So here let me tell you what I daydreamed about (not intentionally) from my point of view. I was dying and I know I was. I was being murdered by my abusive father. He just kept stabbing me and I couldn't do a think. I just sat there against the wall blood poring from my stomach. My mom was the first to go. She had died the same tragic death I was going to die from. After being stabbed a few more times he left me there to bleed out and with the few minutes I had left I reached for my phone and texted everyone I loved them. The next day the only people to hear about it were my friends. They were sad and crying. I loved them so much I just wish I had more time to tell them. After weeks passed I started to go to school again. Just to see how they were doing. I can't just sit in this house all day. We lived right next to a grave yard and all these other spirits were driving me crazy. So I went. I got there at lunch time and just stared at the table. Instead of my friends still being sad I saw I was replaced and Cici was standing next to the other people at the other end of the table. I fell to my knees. Actually feeling this pain I'm about to describe in real life. I started to feel this drowning sensation. The kind when you have been crying too much and you get that knot in your throat and you feel as if you are choking on your own tears. That's what I felt. And I just screamed. Every scream though made me seen. By the people who are alive. My body was glowing every time I did it. With every scream the whole cafeteria was looking at me. Eventually I screamed so much that I was now actually seen among the living even though I was supposed to be dead. Everyone could see me. Even though I was not screaming anymore. My friend got up out of their seats and rushed twords me. Crying too. They all piled on top of me for a group hug. And that's when I realized I had to stop daydreaming. My mom used to tell me if I day dreamed too much I would start to think bad things cause I wasted all my good energy. ( I come from a family of psychics and witches- don't hate on what we believe in) but I knew that is what started happening but I just couldn't take my mind off that feeling and that's why I'm typing this story now. To take my mind off it. I don't know if I'll update later or not but this is the story for today. I will update you if anything exciting happens until then. Bye
-Asia
Wow I'm actually updating this. And it's not gonna be a good up date.
Ok that should have given you enough time to scroll in case you needed too.
Well today was super upsetting. Me and Sylvia got into a fight. I guess I can't handle one simple argument. You know what I will describe some of it tonight. So I had planned a birthday party for my friend Toby who moved away. And I started getting texts. Ophelia had messaged me saying she couldn't stay the night cause of work. It's understandable. Then I ask ash who said that they might not be able to go at all because they don't know if their grandparents will be able to watch the kids. Ok that's fine. But at the same time I'm upset. I want Toby to see all of his old friends. I know how it feels cause I have been in his situation before sorta. I had to move a long time ago because of something that happened and I have always wanted to talk with my friends too but it seems like they always leave me on read or just don't have time to answer. Our schedules are just too different and that's how I feel it is for Toby. Toby wants to Try and talk to us but we don't have time. Sure it's not just a us effort thing and he should put a bit more time into it too but I Understand. Not only is he going through a schedule thing but a life thing. And at this point I feel like I'm the only one who gets it. I have been on Toby's end of things. Hell when I moved from my old house to this one in this small town I was going through some parental issues of my own. Anyways Sylvia asked if I was mad at her and I said no just at her mom ( cause her mom will only let her come to the library) and it started this whole argument about how it sounded like I said that my friends didn't care about Toby even though I said "It's not about that. It's the fact it's his birthday and i had to remind you guys of that and now it seems like none of you can spend time to see him". And she said that it sounded like I was trying to put the blame on them. But can't means you can't. Won't means it's a you decision. But most of them simply can't. And that's why I'm upset. Cause I want Toby to see all of his friends and have one last sleep over or something but their schedules just can't do it. It's not that I don't think they don't care for Toby it's that I'm sad for Toby that none of our schedules work out. I don't know. I still think my friend group is gonna be upset with me that I wrote this cause apparently I don't word things right so it comes out wrong and hostile. But you know I guess this is the point where I stop caring. But that only leads to me more crying. You know I have been thinking about this thing all day. The question would you rather die young or live forever and I would chose live forever and here's why. I don't want to die. I want to live. And so when I feel like dying I won't be able to die. I need to live. I want to live. Even if that means watching everyone else die over and over again. I rather be alive and emotionless/emotionally damaged then be dead by age 20. I don't know that's just my thought. But that's all I have to say for tonight. Sorry you guys.
-Asia