Ms. try's to much

Chapter 12: spring break

Date: Thursday March 17th 2022
Ah yes. I have kind of forgotten about this old thing since I'm on spring break. Jk I think of writing in this thing every day but I've been so tired. I'll tell you about what you have missed
Last Thursday: cici and drayden didn't come to the library and I was so pissed cause she said she had to do chores yet when she was getting picked up cici hopped in the car with her. Whatever.
Friday: nothing interesting. I had the day off
Monday: went to the library to help out. From 11 am to 3:00 pm. Now as most of you know Monday through Thursday the library closes at 8 pm and you know how I love to help, so why didn't I stay? Well as much as I wanted to, I HAD A CONCERT TO GO TO!!! So Monday I had to go home, pack, and head down to my brothers since it was me, my brother, and his best friend (who is kind of like my brother but I will tell you more about him later) I got down there. Dropped off my uncle and my brothers other best friend was there! (Now of course I thought of him like a brother too but I will also tell you about him later) that's kinda how that was.
Tuesday: CONCERT DAY!!! I was so tired though. Good thing the concert wasn't till 6 (1 1/2 hours away though) cause we had stayed up super late and my brothers other best friend (we call him fish/fisher) was sleep over. He had started staying the night for some reason. He said it's cause he and his lady friend weren't getting along but I know that's a lie. He is kinda broke and I think living with his uncle. Now it's his uncle on his moms side and the things I heard about his mom is not nice. (We will also get to her later)  but he has anger issues just like her and fish is just the most love able person with a bad boy side to him. But yeah. I sleep on the couch here and he did too. And he likes to watch tv to go to bed. Not only that but we (me, fish, and my brothers best friend. We will call him Martinez) stayed up till 3 am just talking. then we went to bed and then I wake up to him getting dressed (by that I mean just changing his shirt and putting on his jacket) and went outside taking a phone call. And he is known to be kind of shady. Like I said we will talk about that later. Anyways in the morning I woke up and my brother and sister in law were going on a date while me, Martinez and fish were watching the youngest kid. 1 year old ray-ray. While my niece mary ( 6 years old) and my other niece Danica (3 years) were at school. Last night we had agreed to leave at 1-1:30. Well it rolls around and they aren't back yet. Turns out mary had slipped on some equipment at school and cut her self in her private area very deep and my sister in law had more plans then just lunch. So by the time they picked her up it was 3 pm. My sister in law threw her in the bath and did my hair for the concert. It was so cute. I will give you a pic of my inspiration. (Keep in mind I was going to a rock concert)

So yeah. Then she took mary out of the bath and had everyone look at it (not me cause I would pass out) and fish said if it was his daughter ( he has one but he's divorced so he doesn't see her much anyways her name is Emma) he would take her to the ER cause of how deep it is and how close it was to her (ehem as my sister in law said. ) bean... anyways while my sister in law was getting clothes ready for her my brother tried to give her a kiss but she didn't want one. Which is understandable cause she was a bit busy but when I saw how hurt he was I asked "are you gonna give your husband a kiss?" She said "I'm a bit busy" and he got pissed off and left. Me and Martinez went to the car with him and he got pissed. We took off twords a gas station right down the road and after he got us drinks for the road his wife texted Martinez and said "tell my husband to call me" and so he did. She said he needed to come home cause she was taking mary to the ER so we went home. By now it was 4:00 and he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. We said we would do whatever he wanted to do cause it was his daughter. He talked to fish and his wife and us. In the end we decided to go. But it was 4:30 now and I was worried we wouldn't make it time but with my luck we made it early. I got a compliment while waiting. This girl with bright pink hair said she loved my hair and it reminded her of her friend. So I returned the favor, complimenting her outfit along with others. We got into the concert. Pass security. And sat down. Waited 1 hour for it to start. First up was bad wolves. Their bass hit HARD. I couldn't understand a single thing they were saying but their music was so gooooood omg. Everyone was bad talking them though. I understand cause they are such a small band and it was really loud. Then we waited 30 minutes after they left and then my favorite problematic band started playing.
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD!!!
I screamed every single song. And then my favorite song came on which I was not expecting cause Martinez said they probably wouldn't but jokes on him cause when that song came on I screamed so loud he said it shattered his ear drums and the lady next to me on the left, jumped out of her seat when I screamed. I crossed it off my bucket list. I was so excited and was having so much fun. All the band members were fine as hell and were just so much fun. Kinda wish I was in the mosh pit so I could be closer to them. Danny with his amazing hair. Jdog and his nice camo top and jeans. Funny man just being funny man. Cool as hell. Charlie getting the crowd started again along with Danny and funny man. And j3t being ripped as fuck. God damn he was so fine. And the way Danny would head bang and his hair just being so majestic.
(Although for the last song there was a lot of f-slurs. Now I know I shouldn't be liking them for that but I grew up listening to them. It's so hard for me to let go. I am extremely disappointed but it's how it is. I can't change that. The rocker in me tells me that I should stop being so sensitive for being like that but the common sense in me tells me to hate them)
Enough of that . After they got done playing we got up and went to get some merch and food. I wanted a hoodie and a shirt but they ran out of hoodies cause they were also selling them before the concert started. So I got the shirt and a beenie from Hollywood undead. We then got drinks. I got popcorn and a Dr Pepper. We sat back down then papa roach came out. Now I hate to say this but I had never listened to them but they were so amazing. Just so awesome. And so nice and kind. I would love to go to another rock concert.
When we left me, Martinez and my brother met up with my sister in law and mary at a gas station and I rode home with my sister in law. And when we got home I just crashed. Fish was already passed out. Of course he woke up though. We weren't even being that loud though. (Don't tell anyone I said this but) I know he smokes weed but sometimes I wonder if he's doing something else.
-authors note: it's Monday and I have forgotten a lot)
Anyways Wednesday my brother decided to have a grill out and my sister-in-laws sister and her husband came, along with my sister in laws best friend with her two sons. Now I'm gonna create a separate part so you know who everyone is. So before you continue please refer to the peoples chapter that I have moved to after chapter 1.
❀
If you are done reading it welcome back! So Wednesday was a absolutely mess. The day before a full Virgo moon (I'm into astrology and I'm that way because my bio mom is a witch and a psychic and my other mom is also a psychic) and my other brother Wayne was going through it with his wife. It was not pretty. Now I would just like to inform you too that my brothers are not my full bio brothers. We are half siblings but my dad ditched for a while do to drug abuse and my mom and my brothers dad was still married so he was my step dad and he took care of me like a father and we were also raised like regular siblings despite the fact that Marty is 15 years older then me and Wayne is 10 years older then me. Ok now back to the story
So not only that but yesterday Marty and Meredith were kind of at each other's throats the other day. My mom Shelly was having a rough time and her husband and Caitlin were giving her more of a rough time. I guess I could just feel everyone energy cause I was tired and my brother told me to lay down (oh yeah I wasn't actually tired. I was tried of these people. So Meredith's best friend has a fiancé and here she is flirting with Martinez, and fish! She calls martinez her boyfriend and she was saying how cute fish was all night. I am naturally the jealousy type) so after laying down for a bit. And fish Playing his video game from across the room and who I thought was everyone else in the kitchen. I got my shoes on. And just walked out the door. Turns out Meredith was outside with her bestie though and so she started to call my name and asked where I was going. I ignored her for the first 2 times then realized I could so I told her I was going for a walk but I didn't turn back. I just screamed it. I walked all the way to the end of the block to the skate park and started to pace and look up at the moon. I chose to go to the end near the skate park because that's where my brother Ryan would hang out. But yeah. So after a while my brother texted me asking where I was and then I started walking back he said to stay there and he was coming to get me. Obviously not cause I was walking back and met him half way. He hugged me and asked if I was ok and I said yeah. Now I don't know why I did this but when I got inside I went straight to the kitchen and just walked in circles.
(Currently Tuesday btw)
And I just walked for 20-30 maybe even 40 minutes. Just trying to move. I felt like I need to move. I walked till I got dizzy. After that I just moved my arms. Then I slumped over (still standing) and just swung my body till I didn't know where I was anymore. During that time people like my uncle (who was there because he was not going to Colorado with my mom and aunt and he wasn't gonna stay at the house) and brother and sister In laws best friend kept going in and out of the kitchen. (Ok so sister in laws best friend, we will call her casey.) Anyways Martinez was in the kitchen the whole time. She came in when I was spinning and asked if I needed a hug, next she asked if I wanted a hug from Martinez and I said no to both. A very quiet no. Then she left. Next she came in while I was slumped over twisting the upper half of my body and said something along the lines of "do you need poked in your nose? Or your butt? Do you need that done by Martinez" I said no again to all of these. And Martinez establish he saw me as a sister and that was weird. and then everyone gathered in the kitchen so I left and sat in the couch and I couldn't do it again so I looked out the window. The window wasn't enough so I stared at the door. Then I motioned my brother outside and he followed. He assumed I wanted to talk about something. I didn't. I just wanted the moon. I felt kind of numb. After he said he had enough cause he was cold he went inside and I followed. And I laid on the couch and watch every one leave. And Martinez went upstairs. A few minutes later he asked me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him. Of course I said yes and he said "ok I could tell you needed out the house with the way you were acting" and he then came down stairs and we left. We made jokes and stuff about his car but even though I was laughing I was numb. We got to the gas station where he works. His boss starts talking to him and the. We go inside and we see a new drink and I tell him about it and he buys 3 of them (one for me even though I told him not to buy me anything cause he payed for my food and snacks at the concert) and then he talks to his coworker about how when we were at the concert and my favorite song started playing so my natural instinct was to be excited and I screamed so loud I shattered (not literally) his ear drum and startled the lady next me. I told him not to say stuff like that to strangers and he said that he isn't a stranger he is his coworker with a laugh. I laughed and said that he was a stranger to me. I was feeling a bit like myself again. We went back to Marty's place and I hung out down stairs while he went upstairs cause he had work tomorrow but before he did he said that we should watch spider man no way home tomorrow for my last night there. After everyone went to bed, me and fish stayed up per usual and watched YouTube and we laughed a bit. I laughed at his laughs and he laughed at the tv. after a while I was a bit sleepy and couldn't find anything to watch so I turned on scooby doo and went to bed. And I woke up around 5 am to him on the phone with his mom and then I fell asleep and awoke later to see him playing his game. And fell back asleep.
Thursday: nothing much happened but after being up for a while me and Fish just talked and I told him about the time I got to open my moms packages a year ago (she lets me) and I found a vibrator and she said it was for her friend and he burst out laughing. That will forever be in my memory. (But anyways I don't remember if I told this in my story but a while back ago. I can't remember when the homecoming game is but I told him and Martinez on Tuesday about how I took a titty pick and sent it to this guy on Snapchat for my friend (Ophelia) so she could get free stuff on this online game she was playing. And they laughed and said they wouldn't tell my brother and said it was fine that I did that. ) we just watched videos all day. I couldn't remember much about the rest of the day so yeah
Friday: I woke up and I slept pretty good and I gave fish and Martinez some resses cupcakes from when I went to the store and then we watched YouTube and found out Martinez and fish had something in common. A YouTuber they both like. Sure they have a few others they both like but they both like this guy the most. Anyways after a while fish had to leave to go to the bank to get a loan or something (he's broke and I feel so bad for him. It's why he is practically living with Marty. He was living with his uncle but his uncle is a dick) and then Martinez had to go to work and Meredith went out with Casey with the kids so I was alone. Then a hour later fish came back and I heard his car door shut so I sat up to see if it was him and obviously it was. He then came inside and said a few dirty jokes. I'm gonna say it but don't freak out. It's just the way my family jokes. He said something along the lines of "flicking the bean or something" and I'm just in shock and I ask what and he laughs and so I add on to it by saying "excuse you?!?" And we both laugh and he explains how he heard me sit up (he must have super sonic hearing or something cause I sat up as soon as he shut his car door from across the street) after that I told him what I was doing (which was listening to music trying to nap) and then we somehow got on to the topic of relationships and I was explaining how I have (had?) a crush on cici and he was giving me a whole bunch of advice and told me "just fucking send it" and obviously I'm going to but after this visit I lost hope I had for me and cici relationship. He then asked where Meredith was and if she was gonna be back soon and I said yeah and he left again. I don't question it. Of course he said goodbye and said he would be back. Tbh I can't remember anything else and i wish I could and it saddens me I can't but yeah. It is what is. Of course I can remember what happened at dinner cause it sucked. After Meredith got home which was around 4 she started making supper and fish was there and he was sucking the life out of me. I could just feel how upset he was. Then he went to the kitchen and didn't come back for a few minutes so I went in there and he had a head down and was talking to Meredith about how he was kind of upset and he had a rough day. I stood there for a few minutes just processing this. It's not the first time I've done it. When fish and Marty would talk about something I would just stand there and somehow they didn't notice. But this time Meredith asked me what I was doing. I know I had been busted. I didn't want to be called out. I just wanted to listen. Fish never tells me how he's feeling. And I know he doesn't want to probably cause in younger but I want to be there for him. Same goes for the rest of my brothers. But I gave up. I just went with it and asked when the food was gonna be done and sat down. He was just sitting there. I don't know what he was doing. Probably listening to his rap music. As soon as I sat down he moved his phone and put it somewhere (I say somewhere cause he moved it under the table so I don't know if he was on it or if he just hid it) we sat there in silence till I couldn't take it. I told Meredith I was going outside and I just stood there. The rain was so calming but fish's energy just wasn't. It was really hard to deal with. But I went back inside and sat there for a few minutes till my mom came in and I put my head down and as soon as I did fish got up. I was so pissed. I don't know why but I was fuming. Then my mom and fish and Marty had a private talk in the bathroom with the doors locked. I don't know what about but it was serious. I could just tell by the tone and energy. I went outside again. I was just so pissed. I was throwing rocks and I wanted to scream. After 20 minutes and I was soaked I went inside and they were still talking then she came out of the bathroom asking if I was ok and I said yeah. Then we all sat down and talked about my brother Wayne. She was gonna tell us all about his and his wife's relationship cause there was something we all didn't know. So mom sat in fish's spot. Fish was standing charging his phone for a bit then he moved over by Marty. Meredith was in the same spot she was in. So this is gonna be a really long story.
Sometime before I went to Marty's Wayne had called and he was having a hard time. Him and mom had a private conversation but that conversation got mom so mad that she told us what he said. He had said that his wife had cheated on him with her best friends brother. Now this was already a preexisting problem because a month before this call they were having problems communicating so she went to this guy and cuddled with him. But that's what I was told. 3 days later Wayne calls again and he said that his wife told him she had anal sex with this guy (his name is won) and Wayne got pissed so he called mom. The next day was Sunday and he called again and told mom he did not tell the whole truth. Wayne goes on to explain that his wife said that she had lied about that to get Wayne to speak about his mistake. ( I did not know this till Friday at Marty's) apparently Wayne also cheated on her with this girl I hated.
Back story: so in December I went to California and during that time Wayne was with this girl melody and they were drunk and we were having this party and I could tell by the way they were acting something was wrong.
Back to the original story: so yeah. I got so pissed off. I looked up at mom and she told me not to give that look. Apparently I was so pissed I gave off a look. Even Meredith caught it. Something about this scene was off. Fish looking down on his phone but I can still see he was listening. Marty was listening too. But I got to hear the whole story. Finally. Now it was time to go home. Mom told me to give hugs and gather my stuff. I did. I first hugged Meredith and then Marty and fish was in kitchen. He was sitting on his phone. I don't know why but when he talks to me it doesn't register for a good 5 minutes and I have to keep asking what. That's what it was like in the kitchen. I told him to get up cause I will not tolerate sitting down hugs (jokingly) he said something but like I said nothing registered. So I just stood there and laughed for a bit and he looked up at me with a smile on his face a chuckled a bit then he got up and hugged me. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me back. I don't know what it is but his hugs are so nice. He leans in and hugs tight. And the way he said he loved me was kind of a whisper. It was just nice.
Side story again: my mom wanted to smoke and she asked if anyone wanted to smoke with her and fish said he would. At this point he was laying on the ground cause sleeping on the couch isn't exactly good for your back (and let me just say he has a very nice rib cage. I don't know what it is but it's nice. And seeing him breathe and watch his stomach go down and seeing his ribs so defined. I don't know. I know it sounds weird but i like it.) he gets up and I follow cause I want to know what he has to say to her. I wait a little bit first though and then follow. Now I don't go directly outside. You see there is the little porch that is completely closed off that has a door to the outside so I wait in there and listen cause it sounds like they are having a serious conversation and I want to be able to know more about him. They were talking about his divorce. Nothing new. In fact when it was just me and him earlier he was talking to me about it too. So I went outside and just listened. I stood right next to him and he didn't move a inch. We stood so closely together and I didn't notice till later. That felt nice.
Ok end of side story.
After I gave everyone hugs we left and I told mom all about it and Surprisingly she understood and felt the same feelings as me. Im not gonna explain about what we talked about most of the car ride cause it would just be a repeat of the whole thing. I cried the whole time. Multiple times. But the worst part was about half way home I explained how I had kind of lost feelings for cici and was liking some of my old crushes and she was like "your teachers?" And I said no cause that wasn't it. She then asked "who?" I couldn't say who. So I said that it was really embarrassing and she kept asking and I kept repeating it and then she said she got it. She "knew" who it was and then she said that it was Martinez. She blurted the name out but even worse it was the wrong name. I said no once again. And she asked who again and I just cried. And I cried hard. This was such a hard moment for me. I cried so hard. I felt my cheeks getting red. I felt my whole body shake. I got that knot in my throat that was gonna make me throw up. But I didn't. I just cried and then she said it. "Is it fish?" I cried harder. I hated to admit it. She asked again. It sounded stern so I was afraid to admit it and so I just sat there crying. She asked one more time and I said yes. I was so upset at the fact I liked someone who was with me since I was born. Someone who was supposed to be my brother. Someone who is 15 years older then me. Someone who is my brothers best friend. It was all so wrong. I didn't want to love him. I didn't want to at all. I wanted all my feelings to disappear. I couldn't handle knowing I loved someone like that. But unknowing to me she said it was ok. And started listing off his features and attributes. So many questions ran through my head.
(Just a year or 2 ago she said it was weird)
(Did she like him too? My dad always said she fucked him)
(She always made jokes with him like old lovers)
(What is so attractive about him)
(Was this really happening)
But that's kind of the end of that. I'm gonna skip the rest since it's not interesting but yeah that was my spring break.
This took me such a long time that it is currently March 28th 2022. But guess who gets to go back to their brothers on Friday. ME! so guess who gets to see fish. Me. I'm gonna figure out more about him. I'm not missing this chance. If everyone goes to bed and he's there and it's late enough and if he's still up (which he probably will be.) I'm gonna ask him all the questions in the world.
While I was writing this I would just like to add I missed a whole week and so I'm gonna write about it real quick.
Monday: nothing
Tuesday: nothing.
Wednesday : nothing really but after school cici caught up to me and Sylvia even though I thought he was going home with drayden. He speed walked to catch up to us. Which was weird. He just talked about his money and stuff. And then we parted ways
Thursday : nothing but after school I was talking to my friends when they had to leave so I talked to drayden about if we could hang out next (this week) week and she said sure. And then we talked about Ava wright and her being problematic. Then she left and once again I expected  cici to get a ride home with drayden so I speed walk to try to catch up to my friends when I hear him call my name and the first words out of him mouth are "why can't girls take a compliment" and I have to explain that most of us are self conscious so even if you say that your serious we still won't believe you. He continues to say that he called drayden pretty and she was like "stop no I'm not" in a joking way. I laughed. But I wanted to get off the topic of drayden cause I'm jealous. I don't won't to hear about their relationship. So I ask him why he speed walks and he's like "I don't know I can slow don't for you though" and so he slows and it's at this moment I realize how fast I was walking. And then he remembered why he used to walk so fast. It's cause of one of his other ex's. And he starts speed walking really fast so I laugh hard. (Forgot to mention this day is really windy) and just then the wind picks up and I have to hold on to my new Hollywood undead beanie and he laughs and says that's why he wears ponytails. And mocks me a bit for wearing a beanie. I laugh and then we cross the street and we talk awkwardly because we are on the different sides that we need to go and we say good bye and then I got to the library and he goes home.
Friday: nothing.
Ok and now I will make a new update so go check that out