Rising Up From Ruin - Ziam (AU)

Chapter 13 - Up In Flames

Liam’s P.O.V.

Sister Lynn pulled me from the room, and I was already a crying mess. I knew this would happen. Why did I let this go on for so long? Why did I let Zayn have me in the first place? This wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I’m glad I’m getting in trouble, and not him. I don’t even know what they are going to do. Will I receive lashes? Or will I get something worse? I shuddered at the thought and let even more tears run down my cheeks. Why did they think being gay was so wrong? Was it really that bad? Was I really that disgusting?

Before I knew it, I was sitting in front of Mr. Wilson.

“Liam,” He said, looking at his folded hands. I heard Sister Lynn leave the room behind me. I whimpered and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to find some comfort. “I heard about the picture,”

He reached to the side of the desk and picked up the picture of me kissing Zayn. Mr. Wilson twirled it around in his fingers, and then opened one of his desk compartments and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I didn’t know that he smoked. He placed one of them between his teeth and lit it, breathing deeply and then releasing the smoke into the room.

“Liam,” He said again, “Care to explain?”

I shifted in my seat and bit my bottom lip.

“No?” He asked, finally looking at me for the first time. Another tear rolled down my cheek and I had to muffle a cry into my long sleeved flannel shirt. “Liam, are you gay?”

I still said nothing.

“Alright Liam, if you don’t talk I am going to have to send you away for lashings, maybe that will loosen your tongue.”

“N-No,” I stuttered out as a surge of panic rushed through me.

“Ah, very good. Now, answer my question. Are you gay?”

Was it worth trying to lie? Could I pass the kiss off as friendly behavior? I ran through all the possible scenarios in my mind, trying to pick the best one, the one that resulted in less punishment. But why? I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I was gay. Should I?

“I-I a-a-am,” I managed to say, still confused of why I choose those words. As soon as I said them, I regretted it. Why didn’t I lie?

“That is a sin,” Mr. Wilson said, his dark eyes piercing mine, “A very terrible sin. You are a man, a son of Adam. You are to love daughters of Eve, not other sons,”

I didn’t reply to this. I couldn’t explain to someone why I was gay. It’s just always been like that. Girls never caught my interest. The whole boob vibe completely escaped me, and I didn’t understand it. I had always liked broad shoulders and muscular tan bodies. Girls had never even crossed my mind. It had always been like this. It just how I was.

“Now, Liam,” Mr. Wilson said softly, “There are many ways we can go about this. The first option is simple, you tell us you will ignore men from now on, and move onto women. This also includes talking to one of the Sisters daily. Another option is to transfer orphanages. This may broaden your mind. Perhaps we can put you in a coed orphanage. Finally, the last option, is for you to remain close minded. If you pick this last option, I can assure you that you will no longer live in this orphanage, and you will be put in a foster home immediately. Even though we are running low on fosters, we will make one available and tell the parents about your situation. Being gay is a sin Liam. Now tell me, what are you going to pick?”

My head swam with thoughts, and I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I knew for certain, was that I couldn’t leave Zayn. I didn't care if I couldn’t hold him like normal, I just couldn’t leave him here alone. I couldn’t leave him behind. So the only thing for me to pick was option number one, talk to one of the sister’s daily, and start checking out women. Honestly, even though the idea disgusted me, but it was the only way.