you put the O in disOrder ➢ (l.s)

O.33

(LOUIS'S POV)

"Harry Styles- I'm uh-" I say, knowing I won't be able to see him if I'm not related. I make up a lie to the receptionist, saying I'm his cousin, and then I nearly sprint down the hallway, to the elevator.

I can't even hear myself think in the process, my heart is beating way too damn loud.

But once I get off the elevator and onto his floor, I can't shut my brain the fuck off.

This is my fault.

My baby.

My baby boy could possibly die today.

"Hazza?" I yell when I'm down the hall, glancing around for room 245. When I find it, my heart feels about ready to fall out my belly button from the sight inside.

"Oh... Oh my god-" I say, approaching the hospital bed. Harry is laying there, pale as snow with dark circles under his eyes.

"He's been fighting for awhile..." Eleanor says. She's sitting in the chair next to him, looking at me. "Nobody from his family are here yet..." She informed in a light whisper, and proceeds to touch my shoulder, rubbing it. I flinch away, giving her a shifty eyed look. How dare she?

"Don't you dare touch me. We had a fight, I saw your panties in his pocket. You're filthy. Understand? Filthy." I was just so angry, I blew up, as always.

"You found him, laying in his kitchen like that! Did he tell you of the fight we had? It was about you, miss perfect. Miss 'I'm gonna steal Louis's boyfriend because I loved Harry first,' you sicken me. Always have. Did it feel good when you let my boyfriend fuck you?" I snarled, about ready to rip her head off.

She just stood there, in shock. "Me and Harry never... We wouldn't ever..." She began, choking up again. I could see the tears budding up in her eyes. "That must've been Niall, we went shopping, he... He bought a pair of panties for Harry, as a joke! As a joke!" She exclaimed pretty loudly, and I moved across the room to close the door.

"Give me his number," I snarled, waiting. She didn't waste a minute, much to my pleasure because I clearly was not in the mood. But just as the number was being transferred into my phone with Eleanor's help, a soft cough came from the hospital bed. I looked over and I saw green dull eyes looking at me. In fear? Possibly. In love? Most definitely.

Harry tried to sit up and whimpered when he reached out for me, obviously straining himself, which was what he wasn't supposed to do. I rushed over and scooted myself onto the bed, making room for the both of us to lie down. "My baby boy," I cooed very lightly in Harry's ear. He looked up at me from where his head lay on my chest then smiled weakly, placing generous kisses over my collar bones.

"I'm sorry," the poor boy croaked out in a raspy voice, his watery eyes looking up towards me. I obviously never really thought that Harry would have sex with a girl, or even cheat on me for that matter... but I was angry when it happened. I always blow up the second something pisses me off, and then it occurred to me that I might have an anger management issue...

Anyway, that problem could wait. I am too busy holding my suicidal boyfriend in my arms to give one tenth of a fuck about myself.

"Get him some food. Now," I told Ela-bitch. I didn't care what her intentions were with my baby boy, friends or fuckers, I didn't want her in the room when I spoke to Harry alone.

"Baby, why? Why didn't you call or text me? I would've listened..." I cooed to him once she left the room, pushing back his curly hair gently between my fingers. He looked even more beautiful when he cried, and when his cheeks were a puffy red from it. I couldn't explain how much I loved him in that moment. And I don't think I ever will be able to explain it. It's something that will certainly go unexplained.

He swallowed deeply and looked away, avoiding my eye gaze. "Because... It wasn't just you. It was everything. This disorder, our fight, the way I embarrass myself everyday. Louis, why would you want to be with a loser like me anyway? What do you get out of it?"

I was about to speak, but his weak voice cut me off. "I can't do anything for you. Or myself. I'm stuck Louis. It's not fair."

I couldn't tell him that I knew how he felt, because I didn't, but I could hold him closer, kiss his nose and lift his chin up with my finger to have him look at me directly. Yes, that I could accomplish.

"I'll tell you one hundred times Harry," I began, tears raising in my eyes, which was more or less a pretty common sight lately. But I promised myself I wouldn't go overboard with the sobbing.

"I will always want you. Even when you're old and you smell like piss. And especially when you have an episode in public. That doesn't change one little thing baby boy. Not one."

He looks at me wide eyed and blinks a few times before I meet my lips with his. We kiss, and every time it feels like the first. But right now, it feels pure and light. It feels like I never have to hurt again, which is the greatest relief I've ever come to witness in my eighteen years of life.

When we part, I smile, and so does he, but mine fades when I catch the stitches up my boyfriends arm. I stare at them and literally, I can't hold it much longer.

I burst out into tears right when I hear a whimper coming from him. I look over, eyes watered up and he's blushing.

I can't help but giggle through my tears and he giggles back.

But I know what comes next.

Which hospital can help my boyfriend? And will they even let me visit?

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Hey kittens! New chapter, hope you like it <3 Sorry it's a little short, the next one will most likely be a bit longer.

GREAT NEWS GUYS, I GOT A LAPTOP

also who misses the really old AIM from like middle school????? random ik but i really do.

credit to @protruding

for making the cover of this book! it's new and pretty isn't it??? ooooo aahhhhhh ;)

ALRIGHT I'LL GO NOW, read read read and vote vote vote please and thank youuuuu XOXOXOOXXOXOXO