you put the O in disOrder ➢ (l.s)

O.42

(Harry's POV)

Louis is really stressed. I'm aware of that, of course.

But he's been getting mad lately. Like... Screaming and yelling over every stupid little thing.

I try to keep out of his way, until he winds down a bit, but even that isn't helping.

The sex is fine, I suppose. But it's not like I can tease him or play games with him anymore... He's just... Well, lifeless.

"Why are you still looking at wedding cakes, hun? It's literally four o'clock in the morning," I say. It's Saturday, and since I couldn't sleep anyway, I went to check on Louis. He'd been getting up randomly night after night, becoming his own wedding planner.

"My mum's handled the wedding things, you know," I add on. He doesn't respond.

I sigh, taking a seat next to him. I'm not a pretty picture in the mornings, not as pretty as Louis. Even when he hasn't got a bit of sleep; there's something about him that just glows.

"I know she does," he finally says, flipping the to the next page. "But... I wanted to look. In case I was missing something."

I quirk up a half smile. "What could you possibly be missing, a week before I get married to you?" I ask, my happy tone kind of stale.

He's been distant lately.

But I don't question it. He's just Louis. It's what Louis does.

He floats.

"I don't know..." He looks up at me finally, and I can see the dark circles inhabiting his under eye area. It looks as if he hasn't slept in weeks.

His dream is to go to medical school. I knew that already, but it costs a ton of money to send him.

Half of me doesn't want him to get accepted to that university in the states.

Half of me feels guilty for even thinking that.

"Love," I say, putting my hand to his cheek gently. "You need some rest, okay?"

"No, I don't," he says, looking down at the book again, turning a few pages ahead.

I sigh, and get up from the table.

There's nothing I can quite do anymore, is there?

I let him be, and I head back to bed, only to wake up to Louis, kneeling beside me.

He's holding a letter, and I let out a yawn, itching my scalp.

"What's that, babe?" I ask, sitting up on my elbow. The look on his face is grave. Petrified with fear.

"It's from Washington University," he says quietly. "I didn't want to open it without you..."

I swallow a bit hard, and nod, now sitting up fully in bed, letting him take a seat next to me.

We're both silent for a moment or two. The sun through the window is shining onto the tiny blue letters of the envelope.

I feel like this letter could either be extremely bad, or exceptionally good. Since it's Louis's top college.

"Open it," I whisper, holding his forearm before I press a supporting kiss to his cheek.

Slowly but surely, he peels off the back with shaky hands. This is what he'd been waiting for all this time. The sleepless nights, the frequent panic attacks, the appetite loss... I worry about him. But that's the thing about love, isn't it?

There is always something to worry about, isn't there?

He slips the paper out from the card and sets it beside him, unfolding it carefully. He takes a big breath, and I kiss his cheek again. I think he forgot I was there.