you put the O in disOrder ➢ (l.s)

O.10

(HARRY'S POV)

I'm in math class. Again.

I've grown to hate it. I've grown to hate the only thing that would make me forget.

And now it's back- the throbbing, that is. But hey, at least I'm in the way back of the class, and Travis is in the front. So he can't really make it worse at this point.

I watch him and his little gang, talk, laugh, give each other friendly nudges.

Sometimes I wish I had friends like that.

Sometimes I wish I had friends in general.

I do have Louis.

But I wouldn't consider him... A friend.

I'd categorize him in the group called, 'people that I think are cute but I could never have because my stupid dick is too touch sensitive.'

So a friend? No. Not really.

I just want someone to eat junk food with me, and watch stupid How I Met Your Mother re-runs on the telly. Someone who'll talk to me about the people I like, the people I don't like, and the people I sort of like, but kind of hate... Simple stuff.

It's the end of first period, when my thoughts get cut off and I shuffle out of the room, along with the crowd. I get bumped and shoved a bit, but I safely make it to my locker, nonetheless.

When I get there, a little yellow sticky note is taped to the metal. I giggle at it, realizing it's from Louis.

Oh this kid... Could he get any weirder?

'Hiya Bambi! Meet me at McDonalds, 5:00? Also, how do you feel about a sleepover? :) - Louis .x'

I blush at the last sentence, even when the hallway is almost totally empty, and nobody can see me.

A... Sleepover?

Oh, no no no.

But...

Yes, yes, yes?

God damn it.

I crunch up the note and shove it in my pocket, and at the end of the day, it's still sitting there, reminding me to make a choice.

Sleepover = come in my sleep with someone I am fond of

or

No sleepover = come in my sleep with nobody and someone I hate- a.k.a myself.

I think about my options as I walk home. It had just rained, and the puddles are filled with glossy water, and I stop at one of them. look down into it, staring at my reflection in the rippled water.

Why am I like this?

I look so normal on the outside.

But on the inside I'm a total mess.

I sigh and walk on, along the cracked sidewalk, and the park. I come up to my house, where my mom greets me at the door with some chips.

"I'm not hungry, mum." I say, and she's almost shocked until I tell her I'm going to McDonalds with a boy from school.

First off, my mom doesn't know I'm gay, and I'd like to keep it that way... For as long as possible, that is.

"Well, make sure you get something good for you. None of that double cheese burger stuff, okay?"

I sigh and nod with a smile, because I honestly was already planning on getting exactly what she told me not to.

Later, when I finish my homework, its about four thirty. I'm just going to go in the same clothes I wore today because it's not like I need to dress in good clothes.

I'll probably have an accident in them anyhow, so why bother?

Mum drives me, since I have a lack of a drivers license and it takes all of me not to give in to the cars bumps and vibrations, and jerked movements.

When I get there I'm practically sweating, from trying to keep it in. I should've left early and walked.

I so should've done that.

I see Louis inside, and he perks right up when he sees me through the window, waving me inside with a huge dopey grin on his face.

I can't deny, my heart did do a pretty huge back flip at that.

I go through the doors, wave bye to mum, and approach Louis' table unable to stop my shivers and heat flashes.

He starts off by asking the usual to every interview, and I have to answer honestly. Every single time.

"How did you feel earlier today?"

"Aroused, sad, anxious." I say.

"How do you feel right now?"

"Aroused, and happy." I say, but the same tone as before.

"Wait, what changed your mood from sad to happy?" He asks and I laugh under my breath, wiping my forehead from the sweat that's gathered there. Ick.

"Just, you know... Someone." I say and his face goes into a sheet of... is that jealousy I see?

No. Not possible.

What's to be jealous over?

"Who?" He demands with desperate eyes, as the food he ordered comes to the table, I take a second to order mine then look back at him smiling.

"What do you mean who?"

"Who made you happy?"

"Um... J-Just someone. Why?" I stutter out, and maybe I should just tell him it's him that made me so happy?

Nah, let him sweat it out.

"Does this someone go to our school?" He asks, and oh yes; my favorite. The guessing game.

"Yes."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A boy, kinda short. Brown hair, amazing blue eyes, incredible voice." I say and giggle when he looks puzzled. I sigh and shake my head, stealing a sip of his soda.

"You, you dumb-bum."

His look of confusion fades with that- even though I called him a dumb bum, and he breaks out into this wonderful huge smile, the one that crinkles his eyes. His face turns a pretty pinkish color as well.

"I make you happy?" He asks, sounding hopeful, proud... I shiver a bit from it, and my heart rate drops, then picks up again.

Because why does he sound so pleased with himself?

"Horny, too." I add with a chuckle, and when my food comes, I'm not afraid to pound it down.

Because he is too, and for once I feel comfortable about something.

He swallows his food then sips at his soda. "So how about that sleepover then, Bambi?"

I stop in mid bite and clear my throat. Forgot about that.

Shit.

Okay so -

Option 1. Sleepover with Louis, try not to come, or act stupid.

Option 2. Go home tonight, try not to come- then end up coming anyway, cry about it, debate living or not, fall asleep, wake up, repeat.

...Option 1 sounds as good as another large fry at this point.

"I'll ask my mum." I reply, and pull out my phone.

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Sooo? Did you like? I hope so, my lil kittens! <3

jealouis.... see what I did there?

much love,

amber :) xoxoxo