you put the O in disOrder ➢ (l.s)

O.26

(HARRY'S POV)

Nobody knows how I feel, and I guess that's the shitty part.

Not even Louis sometimes.

I'm home and sitting in bed, my phone is open in front of my eyes, and I stare at it.

I stare at it for ten minutes, re-tapping the screen when it fades a little. I don't understand why, but I need to watch Louis type, just to know what he might say.

I'm awaiting our break up. Our end point that'd probably cause a bit of destruction towards myself.

Who knows, really.

I just feel so fucking depressed.

Without him, his voice, his words... What the hell am I without them?

A new text alerts itself onto my phone, and I'm glad I have my read receipts off. Just so I can stare at the letters for a few minutes, wishing they'd form into different sentences with new meanings.

An "I love you" text would be amazing right now.

Anything that involves love would be amazing now actually.

What do u mean ?

Jesus christ. He has to be joking. I'm not texting him like a prissy asshole about it either.

We'll talk when you're out of school. I'm home. Come pick me up after. Don't ask questions.

I'm not an assertive person. I rarely ever get mad unless something totally outrageous provokes it.

So maybe when I sent that I could've been a bit lighter on my text tone... But y'know, Louis needs to know what the deal is.

Because fuck, I love him. And I need him.

I need him in sexual ways, alright? A person like me can only hold out for so long. In a literal sense.

Last night I actually thought about Louis so much that I came untouched. And no, it wasn't like just a teeny little spasm it was more like me moaning out loud and gripping my bed sheets. I tried so hard not to scream, because it was so...

Sometimes orgasms are nice. Sometimes.

Only when I picture Louis sucking me off though, heh.

But I'm supposed to be pissed at him.

Pissed Harry is in action, as if of right now.

(But honestly how long can that even last?)

It's only 2:34 when I hear a honking from outside, and my mum is at work so her ears luckily can't hear it.

Louis really can't walk up to the fucking door? Honestly?

What's next? A fucking whistle like I'm a dog?

I do appreciate that school gets out at 2:25 though, so that means Louis ran three red lights, one stop sign and probably ran over a stray cat in the process.

Ahh, love. Causing car accidents, murders, and tattered hearts since the beginning of time.

How charming.

"Really? You couldn't walk up to my door? That's some shit, get out."

He gives me a look, totally bewildered like he didn't expect this to happen. He gets out of the car right when I walk up to the door and I shove him.

It's not a hard shove at all though, and I just get more livid when he starts to chuckle at my attempt.

"Screw you! Okay? Screw you, you sodding bastard, bloody fucking-"