you put the O in disOrder ➢ (l.s)

O.43

(LOUIS' POV)

I urge my eyes open the next day, ears ringing with the pain of a hangover.

I can't remember a bloody thing, but I'm sure Harry does.

I feel terrible for putting him through the ringer lately... But now that I've gotten accepted, there's not much I can do besides give him a choice.

I mean, I'll never separate from my special fawn, but he either stays here, or I go on without him.

There's really no in between with that.

"Hey," I hear in a cracked voice beside me. I turn over and look at the boy next to me.

Bed head, rosy cheeks and a tiiiiiny bit of dried drool on the corner of his lip, I smile at him.

I've never been more in love.

I'm an ass though. I know that.

"Hey," I reply, in no rush to explain anything at all. We just calculate each other for a few seconds, unsure of how to handle all of it.

"Your eyes get grey when you're drunk Louis," he states a little later. His tone is tense and I know he's a little ticked off. "Only, I never knew that before about you. Until last night."

"Babe," I breathe out, and Harry gives me this look that just screams "please let me forgive you." Because I know he's searching for one shred of a reason to. "I fucked up. Yeah?"

"Yeah," he says simply. Looking down at the sheets with his head propped up by his hand. His long lashes are fanning over his cheeks and I almost lose my train of thought.

"But I can fix it..." I offer, cupping his cheek and stroking my thumb across it lightly.

"Lou—" Harry sighs before he shudders, and I think I can hear his heart throwing itself against his rib cage.

He pants softly, and honestly, that might have been the quickest orgasm he's ever had. But to be fair, the sex hasn't been all that great lately, and he might be a tad on edge about everything.

"Sorry," he mumbles through little breaths, and I'm realizing how impossible it is to not adore him. How does anybody pull that off?

"Hey..." I coo lightly, sliding my hand up to run it through his fringe. "You don't need to be sorry about a damn thing. I'm the one who's sorry..."

And that's true. I feel the guilt accumulating as I see him start to get up, probably to change his boxers. I don't care that much about his hygiene right now though, honestly.

But he cant get away fast enough. I grab his hand and pull him down softly.

He squeaks, but looks directly at me, eyes wide. Not in fear, just... Surprise.

"I love you. Whatever decision you make, Bambi." And that's really all I have to say to get him to blush and smile bashfully.

"I just... I need more time? To think about all of this." He admits, starting to climb back into bed with me, curling up underneath my chin so his hands are on my chest.

He's just a teeny bit taller than me, so the position is slightly awkward. But I know how he likes to feel small when he is stressed out. And I'm certainly not willing to deny him that. Especially now, when he is so frail.

"No. I understand Bambi, no need to explain," I whisper into his curls, closing my own eyes.

His presence is soft, like a lamp light. His heartbeat, as steady as the rain outside the window. And his soul is quiet.

Everything is so quiet with him.

Safe.

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The rest of this chapter will be me explaining my life again... One Direction has always been there for me. I love their music, their personalities, and I love Larry. But lately... I don't know. Things have been happening to me. I am starting to grow into a new person. Not completely, but somewhat. I can say I'm not as directly involved with the 1D fandom anymore, and that makes me sad. But I also have no idea how I lost this interest. It's like suddenly one day it flew away. I think Louis's baby may have triggered it, less Larry may have triggered it. Maybe just loss in the belief of it all. But I know one thing, I love to write. I love bringing things to you guys who have supported me through everything - and I know it is difficult for you to wait around for me to update, but you guys have always understood. So, thank you. Enjoy this short chapter, the story continues... a bit slow. But surely. Xxx

Love always,

Amber