Acrylic Waves (Bk 1)

XXIII. Contemplation

Gold light bounced off my wings onto the walls of my mansion during that special time of day when the sun is just barely peeking over the horizon in the afternoon. I'm sitting on a balcony, right underneath the 'G' on the front of the mansion.

I let the flood of emotion from today's events take me down memory lane, reminiscing about all of the time I spent in Watcher training. A loud smack, followed by an 'oof,' startles me out of my reverie. Mumbo has landed in the middle of the 'G' on my base, half stuck in it. I fly up to help him out, chuckling slightly.

"Hey G, just wanted to check in," Mumbo starts. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh, I'm alright," I reply.

"Something tells me you're not alright. Do you want to tell me about it?" He inquires.

After many years of knowing Mumbo, I finally tell him every detail about being in the Watchers: the almost non-stop training, the cold, hard stares, the anticipatory silence, like the whole Academy was holding its breath, waiting for a snap.

"I guess a lot of it is that I just miss the training. It gave me something to work towards. It helped me ignore the feeling that something was going to snap."

"That's not all of it, is it?"

I break down into the tears I've been trying to repress all afternoon. "I- I really miss Za- Xenelis. She helped me lots, even though she wasn't the nicest. I miss her."

Mumbo puts his arm around me, giving me a tight squeeze. He brings out a few cookies, offering one to me. I eat it half-heartedly, although talking with Mumbo has reawakened a desire to train in me. A small flame of gold magic forms above my palm, but I extinguish it, having no target to direct it towards.

"You know, since I'm not going to win this election you've set me up in, how about I build a redstone contraption to help you train? We can still campaign, but I think we should focus on things that matter more."

I smile. "I'd like that. I think Scar is going to win, anyway. He's going to get rid of all the mycelium first chance he gets." An idea starts forming in my mind, but I don't mention it to Mumbo. I chuckle at it; it's pretty absurd.

"Well, G, I'll get started developing something for you," Mumbo says, getting up. "I think using your magic more will help you cope with the grief, you know?" I nod, the idea taking a more solid shape. "Anyways, it was nice talking to you. C'ya later!"

I wave my hand in farewell as the spoon flies off, almost hitting a tree. I smile broadly at the ridiculous idea forming in my mind. When Scar gets rid of the mycelium, there will be a bit of resistance.

Our slogan will be: Remember, It's About the Principle. Xen would approve.

=+=+=+=

The lava crackles and pops around me as I float in it, wings outstretched. It's not often that I find time to think about ordinary things; I'm always trying to dream up fun farms to watch. One could say philosophy is not my strong suit. Nor is morality.

I've been holding this grudge for years now, but it's been justified, right? Xen destroyed my home and family. I've been right in persisting in my plots for her downfall. I even regret, to an extent, the fact that I didn't directly cause her death.

There's something not quite right with these thoughts, but they have to be good, right? Can I really have so many things against Xenelis that I had to terminate our friendship the second she revealed her position as a Watcher? She even said it directly to my face, coming out so direct that it almost cut me.

But I did say that we wouldn't judge her if she told us how she was related to Watchers. It gets more convoluted every second. If I said I wouldn't judge but then proceeded to shove her out of my life, does that put me in the wrong?

I rub my face, splashing molten rocks over it. I swim to the shore of the lava lake where I left my items. I know several hermits can help me with thinking this through, but most of me want to figure this out for myself. I zip up the dark grey vest as protection against the chilly overworld.

Am I better than the Watchers? They hold grudges, too. I held this massive grudge against an entity that just died for an event that happened years ago. Watchers hold grudges even longer than that, from what I've seen. They came after my mom nearly twenty years after she escaped. The stories mom told confirmed that Watchers hold grudges far longer than the average player.

If I let go of this burning hate and forgive Xenelis, does this make me better? I can forgive; let this passion die away, and use the energy for another project I have in mind. Or, I can continue hating Watchers and plotting the revenge that I will have on them. Or, maybe, both.

I can forgive Xenelis and allow that passion of hate to dissolve and turn into a passion for something else. I can also continue holding my grudge against Watchers in general, not only for myself now but also for all the players they harmed.

I beat my wings, soaring to the shopping district portal to check on my shops. I'll also scout out the land for a new project I've been thinking about. I've got plenty of time now. It'll be dangerously fun to put together, perfect to help take the hermits' minds off the recent tragedy.

It's strange how quickly your mind adapts to some things.

=+=+=+=

I still can't believe she's gone after all that has happened. I wish that it were all a joke and that she would pop out of a tree and flop on top of me, the way we used to as kids. The sun draws closer to the horizon, heralding the approach of mobs. I walk faster through the jungle, arriving at the base of my storage tower right as the first ones spawn.

Climbing up the secret staircase I built into the base, I let the spiraling thoughts continue, knowing they stop sooner or later. I arrive in the storage area, immediately noticing the book laying on top of a purple shulker box. I pick it up, recognizing it as my to-do list. I flip through it, marking down new tasks that just popped up.

Before I set it down, I notice the extra page in the back. I open it, finding a short and simple note, sloppily scrawled across the paper but still legible.

Dear Xisuma Apollo Void,

You know that I'm dead, even though it's hard to believe. I can't believe it, either. After all that, I never said how much you meant to me. I won't pretend to know what you're feeling, mostly because I don't. Instead, I request that you keep going. It's going to be alright, even though I'm not here to hold your hand when dreams become nightmares.

I love you, don't ever forget that, you derp. The hermits love you, too. You're a great admin for them, don't think otherwise. Keep being strong. You always were the stronger one. Don't forget: there are always people who love you.

Love, Xenelis Athena Void

P.S. Go to sleep.

Tears dripped down my face inside of the helmet. I took it off, setting it on my knee so that I can dry my eyes. I resettle it over my wild hair, feeling the comfort from what seems to be a simple article for protection.

I put the book down, drawing the slightly curved teal sword from my inventory. I get some hooks and then hang them on my wall with the helmet above it. Remembering the second sword, I retrieve it from my enderchest and hang it next to its twin. Two swords, one slightly darker than the other. Silence and Tacet, if I remember correctly.

I read the note again, reflecting on her words in my heart. I glance at my communicator, noting the time. 10:38 pm. Xen did say to get some sleep. I smile, albeit still sad. I may have been the stronger one, but she was always wiser. I go into my bedroom and lay down to sleep.

Xisuma went to sleep. Sweet dreams!

<MumboJumbo> What

<Grian> That's the first time that's happened

<joehillstsd> Xisuma has finally recognized the value of sleep!

<joehillstsd> It is a day of celebration indeed

<Xisuma> That's the last time that's happening

<ImpulseSV> Boys?

<Zedaph> On it

<TangoTek> Already halfway there

<Xisuma> Oh crap