"Hiya."
"How're you getting on?"
"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just doing my video."
"Which one?"
"Boxercise."
"Any news on that job?"
"No, I've still not heard nothing. I rang about two this morning but they've already gone."
"Oh babe."
"Apparently there's something going at the zoo."
"The zoo?"
"Yeah. Can you imagine, that would be so immense, wouldn't it?"
"I guess."
"What're we doing tonight? Should we go to the pictures?"
"Nah, Monty's doing his lamb."
"Lush."
"So we'll have a quiet night in, eh?"
"Yeah, that'll be nice."
***
Essex, England
"Monty's going to be on the telly!"
"What?"
"Monty, he's just phoned, he's going to be on the telly! Can you believe it?"
"Oh my god, are you serious?"
"Yeah, he's going to be on tonight." Euphemia gasped. "I've got to ring Ruth!"
"I've got to ring Sirius!"
***
Essex, England
"Hiya Remus." Ruth smiled.
"Hiya."
"Fancy a drop of this?" Ruth held up a bottle of champagne.
"Ooh, go on then." The front door opened and Sirius stepped inside, kicking off his shoes.
"I just heard Monty's name on the radio."
"I know, Ruth said he's the talk of the town." Euphemia laughed.
"Hiya." Remus pecked Sirius on the lips. "It's so exciting, isn't it?"
"I know, it's nuts." Sirius said as he pulled Remus into a hug.
"Everyone's watching in Barry."
The group made their way into the living room. Ruth and Phil took seats on the sofa, Monty sat on the other and Sirius and Remus sat squashed up together in the armchair.
"How's the house hunting coming along?" Phil asked.
"We haven't really started yet, have we?" Sirius planted a kiss on Remus' head.
"We're looking at our first place tomorrow. I can't wait, I'm so excited."
"I remember my first place." Phil smiled. "It wasn't much, nothing special, but it was mine. No one else telling me what I could and couldn't do or putting me down twenty-four-seven. Happy days." Ruth shook her head at her husband and Sirius and Remus shared a look.
"How's the lamb?" Fleamont asked Euphemia as she walked in carrying a tray of drinks.
"Yeah, it's all in."
"This is good stuff." Phil muttered as he sipped his drink.
"Yeah, courtesy of your lady wife." Euphemia smiled.
"What?" Phil looked at his wife. "You got this?"
"Yes."
"So there's no money for me to play golf on Sunday, but there's money for you to splash out on champagne?"
"Don't embarrass me, Phil."
"You're unbelievable."
"No, you're unbelievable you vicious little pig."
"It's on." Sirius turned up the television.
"Oh my god."
"I can't believe it."
[Hello and welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm Rita Skeeter with your headlines today.]
The woman on the news cleared her throat and shuffled her papers.
[Tonight's stories; The health department announces that more cuts are on the way. A murderer strikes again in Essex. A dismembered body was found in a Billericay car park earlier today by a member of the public.]
Everyone cheered and Euphemia patted her husband on the shoulder. Remus got up.
"Where are you going? It'll be on in a minute."
"I know, I won't be long." Remus headed into the kitchen and Sirius followed.
"You alright?" Sirius asked as Remus grabbed a couple of squares of chocolate from the fridge.
"Yeah, I'm just having some chocolate."
"We're eating in a bit, what's up?" Remus closed the fridge.
"I dunno really." Remus looked at the floor before looking back up at Sirius.
"I just feel a bit down if I'm honest."
"Aw come here." Sirius pulled Remus into a hug. "Why are you feeling down?"
"I'm just a bit bored. A bit useless. With Monty being on the telly, it just reminds me that I've never done anything like that."
"He found a dead body, babe. It's not really an achievement." Sirius grinned as he stepped back.
"I know." Remus sighed. "I just feel like I'm getting under everyone's feet. You're all on at me to get a job, and if I'm honest, I'm just a bit homesick."
"Oh come on," Sirius sighed. "We can't have this all of the time."
"I knew you'd say that."
"Lily's coming up tomorrow, and we're looking at houses."
"Flats."
"You've gotta try and be a bit more positive."
"There's no point talking about it, you just don't understand." The back door opened and James came in.
"Have I missed it?"
"No, it's the next item up."
"Quality." He disappeared into the living room. Remus looked at Sirius before following after James.
"It's on!" Euphemia called. Sirius entered the living room and joined Remus in the armchair once more.
[I'm standing in the car park of a large engineering firm here in Billericay. At approximately seven thirty this morning, a dismembered body, as yet unidentified, was discovered by a mister Fleamont Potter.]
"There he is!" James cheered as Fleamont appeared on the screen.
[Well, it's the last thing you expect to find when you're coming to work in the morning.]
The screen returned to Rita Skeeter.
[Later, I spoke to Police Detective Richard Trent. Richard, what can you tell me about the situation regarding the body and how it was found?]
"Was that it?" Euphemia asked.
"Crikey Monty, it was hardly worth mentioning." Sirius said as he turned off the television.
"Don't!" Remus took the remote control and turned it back on. "It might come back on."
"I spoke to them for more than fifteen minutes." Fleamont shook his head. "I said how my thoughts went out to her family and all sorts."
"They've made you look like a right tit." James laughed.
