"How many of you are going?"
"I dunno, nine or ten. Prongs is organising it."
"I'm so worried. What if you meet someone else?"
"How? Who? Anyway, what about you? You're all going out in Cardiff."
"I know. Just tell me that you're not going to have sex with a lap dancer."
"What?"
"Just say 'I promise I'm not going to have sex with a lap dancer'."
"I won't, I promise."
"Say it!"
"I'm not going to have sex with a lap dancer."
"Mhm."
"Look, would you feel better if I take my phone?"
"I thought James said no phones?"
"I know, but if it'll make you feel better."
"Aw, thanks."
"No worries. Oh, if it goes to voicemail, it's probably because I'm having sex with a lap dancer."
***
Essex, England
"Effie, have you seen my hairspray?" Sirius looked around the living room. "What's with the food? We ain't sticking around here, we're going straight out."
"Sirius, you've got to line your stomachs."
"Toga party is it?" Fleamont chuckled.
"What?" Sirius looked down at the towel tied around his waist. "Oh, nah."
The doorbell rang and James ran to the door, he soon returned followed by a group of guys. Sirius cheered whilst James chucked shirts at them all.
"Here, put this on." James thrust a shirt at Sirius and handed him a can of beer. "Get that down you too."
"What does it even say?" Sirius asked, trying to look at the back of his t-shirt in the mirror.
"This." James turned. Sirius grinned as he looked at a photo of himself. It read:
Sirius Black
R.I.P.
6th April
"Do you like it?" James asked as he turned back around.
"They're great!"
***
Barry Island, Wales
"I couldn't get no appointment. They said it was for emergencies only."
"When are you gonna go then?"
"Seeing him Tuesday."
"Why don't we just buy you a tester kit, get it over with?"
"They're fifteen quid."
"Really? Well then, I'll lend you the money. Why don't we get one now from Morrisons?"
"Leave it Rem."
"Imagine if you are. Would you keep it?"
"I said leave it."
"What's James going to say? You going to tell him? Oh, can I be godfather?"
"Look, I don't wanna talk about it no more. At the end of the day, it's your night, and if truths be told, all I wanna do is go out, get shit-faced and have a curry."
"Aw, you're such a good friend."
"I know."
***
Essex, England
"This is a joke, Prongs."
"Yeah, making a man queue on his stag night."
"You should've seen him giving it all this, 'I'm going to give him the best night ever'."
"He said it's going to be the night of the year."
"Hey, how come I'm getting it in the neck?"
"OI OI!" The boys called as two girls passed by. They took one look at the group and stuck their middle fingers up as they walked off.
"They were fit, weren't they?" James nudged Sirius.
"I dunno, I guess?"
"You guess?"
"Prongs, I'm gay."
"Oh yeah, I forgot." James laughed.
"You forgot?" Sirius shook his head at his friend in disbelief.
"No stag parties, sorry." The bouncer stopped the group. The guys all started moaning at James as they walked off.
"It's part of the stag experience."
"Stag experience?"
***
Cardiff, Wales
Remus and Lily entered the bar and were pulled into a group hug.
"Hey, it's going to be cracking." Dorcas smiled. "Although, Xenophilius took Pandora home."
"What? Why?"
"She was absolutely twatted. She said she's sorry."
"No she didn't." Mary laughed. "She couldn't speak."
"Fair play." Lily nodded.
"Is that her sick outside?" Remus asked.
"Some of it's hers, some of it's Shaun's."
"Who's Shaun?"
"This guy she threw up on. She threw up on him, he threw up at the sight of it."
"Eugh."
"Right, c'mon guys, down in one." The group clinked their glasses together.
"TO REMUS!" They all downed their shots.
"Right, my round. Same again!" Mary said.
***
Cardiff, Wales
Remus managed to sneak away to the bar. He sat down on a stool and clicked on Sirius' number. It rang a few times before he answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"How are you?"
"I'm good."
"How's the stag?"
"Yeah, it's great. Prongs is on fire."
"You're not snogging any guys or nothing are you?"
"No baby, don't be stupid. You're not snogging any other guys are you?" Sirius chuckled.
"No."
"How's your night going?"
"It's good. Everyone's really shit-faced."
"Brilliant. Well listen, you enjoy yourself, okay?"
"Okay. Speak to you tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you too." Remus put his phone away and turned around, he was greeted by a police officer.
"Excuse me, are you Remus Lupin?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm P.C. Lovelength," The police officer took Remus' hand and led him over to a vacant chair by is friends. "You young man, are in big trouble."
"You didn't!" Remus laughed at Mary and Dorcas.
"Oh, we did."
The police officer took his hat off and placed it on Remus' head before ripping off his shirt. Cheers erupted around the bar. P.C. Lovelength started twerking against Remus. He stood back up and pulled off his trousers. Remus heard Mary squeal in delight. He took off the thong he was wearing and chucked it on Remus' lap, exposing everything.
"Oh my god. There's no way that's real!" Dorcas gasped.
"That is lush." Mary giggled.
***
Essex, England
The stag party sat around two tables in the corner of the fish and chip shop eating kebabs.
"I can't eat this." James shook his head.
"It's nasty." Sirius said, taking another bite.
"Nah, it's beautiful." James sighed. "I just can't believe it."
"What?"
"Shut up." Sirius looked at James.
"Eh?"
"How dare you."
"What's wrong?"
"I've had enough, you've gone, you're someone else's."
"Ignore him, he's pissed." Peter laughed.
"Best mates since we were four. Now it's over."
"We'll always be mates, you know that."
"My dad hasn't seen his best man for seven years."
"Your uncle?"
"That's the one."
"He emigrated to Canada." Peter said.
"Look who has opened his mouth." James slurred. "You're always first in with the advice, aren't you Peter? You know what, no one even wanted you here tonight. I had to make your t-shirt last minute."
"That's not true!" Everyone protested. Sirius nudged James.
"Of course we wanted Pete here."
"What have I done?" Peter looked around the group.
"I dunno." James stood up and staggered towards the door. "I've made a fool of myself."
"Prongs, c'mon."
"Shut up, Sirius." James left, the door closing behind him.
"Nice one, Pete." Frank laughed.
***
Cardiff, Wales
"I just love him so much." Remus shook his head, tears escaping his eyes. "I know what you're all thinking, that it's all too quick and it's his sixth engagement. It's so different with Sirius, he couldn't be less the same." Remus sighed. "All those other times, like Gilderoy, Mulciber and even Caradoc, I was just a child. I know what love is now. It's Sirius."
Lily put her arm around Remus who rested his head on her shoulder.
