"No, I've tried that and it just does the thing where it shakes in the middle."
"What d'you mean?"
"You know, like it's telling you off, shaking it's head at you, like, brr!"
"Are you doing it all lower case?"
"I thought it was upper case?"
"No, it's always been lower case...Capital C and capital Y and, remember, the O isn't an O, it's a-"
"It's a zero, yeah, I know. Oh, right, that's it. I'm in."
"Why's it so urgent anyway?"
"I'm tracking something, I am. It should've arrived by now. So, unless it turns up tomorrow, come Christmas Day Hope is going to have masses to open and all Teddy will get is a microscope and a selection box and he doesn't even want a microscope."
"What about the remote control car?"
"That's what I'm waiting for! Hang on, Sirius, Hope is calling. Hope! You should be asleep! Okay, I'll be there now in a minute!"
"Hey, it's like old times this, innit babe? You down there, me in Essex."
"I know. So, how was it? The dinner? I bet they spend loads more on a head office do than a Welsh one."
"It was alright, the food was nice."
"Teddy, what're you doing still up? I better go. What time you leaving then, tomorrow?"
"Well, Monty wants to be on the road by three so I reckon about seven?"
"Lush. I can't wait to see you."
"Only eighteen hours to go now, babe."
***
Barry Island, Wales
"Teddy! Teddy, come back!" Remus called. "You're going to Grandad Lyall's!" Teddy ran back up the path.
"Here he is!" Poppy crossed the road.
"Hi Poppy." Remus sighed.
"Don't worry! I got him." Poppy pretended to throw a lasso over Teddy. Teddy shook his head. "He doesn't so it anymore, does he? He used to love that."
"No, they're all hyped up about tomorrow, they are." Remus explained as he zipped up Hope's coat.
"They're hyped up? How'd you think I feel? In less than twenty four hours, Rem, I will be cooking Christmas dinner for-"
"For over thirteen people, yes, I know." Remus ushered Teddy and Hope next door to Lyall's house and they let themselves in.
"Hiya Grandad."
"Hello!"
"Hiya." Remus smiled at his father.
"Hiya love."
"Any luck with the plate warmer, Lyall?" Poppy asked.
"No. I text Rosmerta but she can't remember me lending it her. Of course I know I did, but there's no telling Rosmerta!"
"You can't argue with Rosmerta." Poppy shrugged.
"We've got one with candles you can borrow." Remus said. "You know, the tea lights?"
"I do know the type Rem but I'm going to say no because I won't feel at ease with a naked flame on the table."
"Fair play." Remus shrugged. "Right, I've gotta get on." Remus turned to where Teddy and Hope were squabbling over the TV remote. "Best behaviour now for Grandad."
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Text me if there's anything you need."
"Bye love!"
***
Essex, England
The doorbell rang and Sirius opened the door to James.
"Prongs!"
"Padfoot!"
"Please enter the establishment my fine friend."
"Wait, are you asking me to step in?"
"What?"
"Are you asking me to...step into Christmas, step into Christmas, we can watch the snow fall forever and ever." James sang.
"Eat, drink and be merry."
"Come along with me."
"Step into Christmas, the admission's free." Euphemia and Fleamont came into the hallway. "There she is, my amazing mother!"
"Hello my love. Why didn't you let yourself in?" Euphemia hugged her son.
"I left my keys at Emmeline's."
"Alright son?" Fleamont hugged James.
"How is Emmeline?" Euphemia asked.
"She's good."
"We're really looking forward to meeting her."
"It's not a big deal, is it?"
"You've been going out with her for a year and no one's even met her yet."
"Eleven months actually and you're all going to meet her tomorrow. Let's just chill out, yeah?"
***
Barry Island, Wales
"Hiya Lil, Hiya Daryl. Oh, let's have a look!" Remus nodded at the tattoo that Lily had just finished. "Oh, lush! I love Des Lynam." Daryl began trying to look at the tattoo on his shoulder.
"Right. We're done." Lily took off her gloves. Daryl handed over some cash. "Be gone."
"Will I see you tonight down The Hog's Head, like?"
"Oh! Be gone!"
"Sorry." Daryl muttered. He put on his jacket and nodded at Remus before heading out. Lily tucked the money in her bra.
"Where to's Harry?" Lily pointed across the amusements.
"Glueing down the pennies. Oh, Harry!" Harry turned around. "You nearly finished? We'll be hitting the road in a bit."
"Yeah, I just gotta fill the grabbers."
"Tidy." Lily nodded. "Alright Rem? What's occurrin'?"
"Oh Lil, I'm not remotely Christmassy."
"I know."
"I mean, it's Christmas Eve and I've still got presents to buy. That's so not me! I'm normally all done by November."
"Did you get Poppy a bath bomb?"
"Yes."
"What did you get Sirius in the end?"
"Oh, we're not doing presents this year. We're getting new kitchen cupboards we are. In the sales." Lily looked at Remus and raised an eyebrow. "That's really boring, isn't it?"
"I'm not gonna lie Rem, that's the worst present I ever heard of and last year I gave Poppy some Strepsils."
"It wasn't my idea, it was Sirius'. I wanted to go on a family trip to Disneyland but he said, 'No, let's get cupboards for the kitchen and just take the kids to Chessington'."
"That's what you calls a compromise. You knows what they say about compromise. It's a coitus killer."
"What?"
"Coitus. Copulation. The art of sexual congress."
"Right."
"Things still not cooking with you two on that front?"
"It's non-existent. You and James have probably had sex more recently than me and Sirius. You two haven't even done it in a year."
"Eleven months, all told."
"But you used to be regular as clockwork! Every second Friday!"
"I know. Since this new lady's been in his life, he's not been giving me diddly."
"I didn't like to ask but how you managing?"
"I've had to be self-sufficient. 'Course, there's been the old scrag-end tossed my way on the island but it don't even touch the sides."
"You know, it's not that we don't want to. We do! We just never have time. Or energy. Or nothing."
"Marriage is a tricky business, Rem. You've got to keep the spark alight."
"So you're saying I should get Sirius a Christmas present?"
"No. I'm saying keep the home fires burning. Once you lets that flame go out, you'll find you're in a world of pain. Forget the presents. No one remembers the presents. That's why I'm giving everyone exactly the same thing."
"Aw! What're you getting us this year?"
"Taps."
