Cardiff, Wales
Sirius stepped into his new office, closing the door behind him. He smiled as he sat down behind the desk. His phone started to ring, he fished it out of his jacket and answered.
"Hiya."
"Hiya. It's me. It's Remus."
"I know."
"Oh my god. How's it going? What's it like?"
"I've literally just sat down. I said goodbye to you thirty five minutes ago."
"Have you met anyone yet? What are they like? Oh my god. Are there hot guys everywhere? They'll be all over you."
"Don't be silly."
"It's just new territory for me, babes. I'm failing to establish my emotional boundaries and allowing my latent insecurities to manifest themselves."
"Babe, you've got to stop reading Psychologies Magazine."
"I know. I sound like a knob. It's just sometimes-"
"Rem, I've been at work for eleven minutes. I promise I'll call you at lunch, okay?"
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you too."
***
Cardiff, Wales
The office door opened and a man stepped inside. "Sirius. Horace Slughorn. Welcome to Cardiff."
"Mister Slughorn, good to see you again." Sirius stood up and held out his hand but Horace pulled him into a hug.
"Please, call me Horace." Horace let got of Sirius. "Now, is this your first office of your own?"
"Yeah, it is."
"Excellent news. I tell you what - call maintenance and get them to stick this on your door." Horace pulled a name plate from his pocket. "It's a big moment." He smiled as he handed it over.
"Oh, cheers." Sirius placed the name plate down on his desk, "Thanks."
"Now, I'll take you round in a bit, show you what's what and who's who. Did you get your welcome pack?"
"Uh yeah, I think so."
"Excellent news." The office phone started to ring. "Get that. Could be important." Sirius sat back down. "Phone system - really easy. Boom, boom." Horace pressed a button twice. "And then, line one." He pressed another button. "Go."
"Uh, Sirius Lupin."
"Hello my love." Euphemia's voice filled the office. Sirius quickly picked up the phone so that Horace couldn't hear anything.
"Hiya. Look, um-"
"How's it going, darling? Are people being nice to you?"
"I can't really talk right now."
"Oh my god, they're victimising you. You are the victim of a victimisation. Sirius, get out. Run home now."
"Effie, everything's fine." Sirius turned to Horace. "It's my mum."
"Oh." Horace smiled.
"I'm just with my new boss." Sirius told Euphemia.
"Oh my Christ! What's he like? Is he bald?"
"What? No. Look, I'll call you at lunch or after work, when it's not on the company's time."
"All right. Well, call me on the-" Sirius hung up.
"Sorry about that." He sighed.
"Hey, listen, everyone has to take a personal call every once in a while. When it's family, it's family. Now, your fire regs and what have you - very simple. In the event of a fire, my motto it-"
"Run for your life?" Sirius laughed.
"No." Horace shook his head. "Go to your nearest assembly point." The office phone started to ring once more. "Right, you're on your own with this one. Go for it." Sirius put the phone on speaker like Horace had shown him.
"Hello. Sirius Lupin speaking."
"You alright, mate?" Fleamont's voice echoed around the room.
"It's my dad." Sirius sighed. "Monty, I'm actually with my boss."
"Oh, apologies. Say no more. Call me later."
"Cheers. See ya." Sirius hung up once more. "I'm so sorry about that." Horace smiled. "It's just with the move down here and everything."
"Listen, I completely understand. A family phone call every once in a while is okay. Now, chain of command on this floor; it's Joyce, then Terry, then Owain." The phone rang again. Sirius put the phone on speaker once more.
"Sirius Lupin."
"PADFOOT!" James laughed down the phone. Sirius hung up immediately and stood up.
"Right, ready when you are."
"Excellent news, okay. Let's show you around." Sirius' phone started ringing on the desk. He sighed.
"I'm just gonna leave it."
***
Cardiff, Wales
"The surprising thing about Terry is, although he doesn't look it, he is in fact our nominated first-aider." Horace said as Sirius followed him back into his office.
"Horace!" A guy jogged over.
"Ah, now here's somebody you've not met yet. Owain Hughes. Owain sorts out the website." Sirius held out his hand.
"Hi, nice to meet you. Sirius Lupin." Owain shook Sirius' hand.
"Owain Hughes. Before you ask - no, I don't." Horace and Owain both started laughing. Sirius raised an eyebrow and they both sorted themselves out. "We have a little seven-a-side on Thursday if you fancy joining us."
"Oh right. Yeah, I'd like that."
"I mean, it's nothing too serious. At the end of the day, it's just touch rugby."
"Oh sorry, I thought you meant football."
"No, we plays rugby." Owain said.
"It's rugby it is." Horace nodded.
A knock on the window made them all jump. "Sirius! Sirius! They won't let me in!" Poppy waved through the glass. "I wanted to surprise you!"
"Oh god." Sirius let out a sigh as he slid open the window.
"Brought you a packed lunch."
"Poppy, I don't need a-"
"Don't be silly."
"I'm sorry." Sirius said to Horace and Owain. "This is Poppy."
"Hello." Horace and Owain both waved.
"Poppy, this is Horace Slughorn, my boss."
"Nice to meet you."
"And this is our website manager, Owain Hughes."
"Owain Hughes! And do you?" Poppy asked.
"No I don't." The three of them laughed.
"Now, I wasn't sure what you'd like," Poppy opened up a lunchbox. "I've done you a selection of sandwiches. You've got cheese and pickle, cheese and ham, cheese and tomato and just cheese. A bit of everything. Take your pick."
"Look, don't stay out there Poppy. Come on in." Horace smiled.
"Oh no. I don't want to disturb him on his first day." Poppy handed the lunchbox to Sirius. "Looking in this window now, it's like watching an episode of The Apprentice. I feel like Sir Alan Sugar. Very clever man. Sirius? YOU'RE FIRED! You're not really." Poppy chuckled. "I don't have that sort of power. I'll see you Sirius. Horace. Owain." Poppy nodded at each of them.
"Bye Poppy."
"See you." Horace and Owain both waved as Poppy walked away. Sirius closed the window.
"Mister Lupin, a parcel for you." The secretary placed a box down on the desk. "Just arrived."
"Open it then." Horace grinned. Sirius opened the box and a large red balloon floated out. It read 'Good Luck'.
"It's from my husband." Sirius sighed.
***
Barry Island, Wales
"What's his name again?"
"Owain Hughes."
"And before you ask, no I don't." James sighed down the phone. "Am I being thick? I don't get it."
"Me neither." Sirius shrugged off his coat.
"And you say Poppy found it funny?"
"Yeah, they all did."
"See, I'm good at jokes. I'm the creator of some of Billericay's biggest jokes."
"You are their biggest joke." Sirius laughed as he entered the kitchen and flicked on the kettle.
"Shut it you slag!"
"No, you shut it, you slag."
"You slag!"
"You slag!"
"No, you slag! You slag! You slag! Shut it you slag! Oh hiya, can I have a large cod and chips, two battered sausages, a chicken and mushroom pie, a can of Shandy Bass and a cherry Tango?" Sirius heard James say.
"Are you with Wormtail?"
"No."
"Reggie?"
"No."
"Is all that food for you?"
"Yeah, but I'm having some now as an afternoon snack, some for my dinner and then some for my supper."
"Right."
"Listen, I've gotta pay, I'll see you later."
"Yeah. See ya." Sirius sat down on the sofa and grabbed the TV remote. He turned on the television and the weatherman appeared.
[And that sunshine will certainly help to ripen David Lloyd's tomatoes in Cwmbach. Further West a little bit of-]
Sirius changed the channel.
[Found in almost every town and city in Wales-]
He changed the channel again. A welsh soap opera appeared. Sirius sighed and turned the TV off. The front door closed and Remus appeared.
"Hiya." He fell onto the sofa next to Sirius and the pair kissed. "Do you prefer sex in Barry or in Essex?" Remus asked.
"What?"
"I think I prefer it in Essex."
"Right. We did it last night. Are you saying I'm worse in bed in Barry?"
"No. I just mean I think it's sort of dirtier in Essex because Effie and Monty are only in the next room. Here, my dad isn't bothered. He's heard me have sex loads of times - and Lil."
