𝙁𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧

24

Basorexia; The sudden overwhelming urge to kiss someone.

✮*•̩̩͙✧•̩̩͙*˚✧*˚　　˚*✧˚*•̩̩͙✧•̩̩͙*˚✮

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I wasn't me.

I think about how life would be like if maybe I made different choices, or I didn't do the things I did.

Or maybe, if life would be better if I just wasn't here. That I didn't make all these mistakes and have all these regrets.

But people also say mistakes are what shape a person and that in order to grow, you have to learn from them. Although, some people never learn from them so they never grow. So, the question is, is going through mistakes worth it to grow?

Because, even though I have learned from my mistakes, I haven't grown. And there could be many factors to that, like me not choosing to grow, or me not going down the right path.

But it all ends up leading to me, so is it worth being me?

I don't think so.

It's definitely not worth feeling like this either.

What do you think would happen if I was never here? Would my soulmate have a different soulmate?

My problem on days like these is that I like to over think and over analyze everything. I don't really gain anything from it, it just hurts me more in the process.

Another thing I think about is the fact that my brain is a roller coaster. One day, I'm feeling great and I don't have any problems, but then the next I'm thinking to the point where I dig my own hole.

I think I make myself sad sometimes.

Or maybe I'm just too plagued by my own existence.

The only good thing that's happening today is River's game. Which he still doesn't think I'm going and I know he's still a little sad about that but the smile that lights up his face later will make it all worth it.

But, for a Friday, it's been a real shit show. I woke up late because my alarm wouldn't go off. Then, I stubbed my toe when walking into my closet. After that I tripped down the stairs on my way to the kitchen which my mom thought was hilarious.

Lastly, someone took the parking spot I park at everyday so I had to park at the back of the lot.

Overall, I've come to the conclusion that today is cursed.

Currently, we're in 7th period with a sub. She briefly explained what we should be doing, but no one's doing it so she's just at the desk on her phone while everyone else talks and does random shit.

"Did you know Aspen and Beah are going on their date this weekend?" River asks me.

I furrow my eyebrows, "No, she only told me he asked her out but she didn't say it was this weekend, or maybe she did. I don't know. My memory is shit."

"Oh, we'll anyway, it's tomorrow and he told me he was taking her to this fancy restaurant or some shit." He wiggles his eyebrows.