it felt like the weeks were traveling faster and faster every single day. the hours shot by like an arrow and suddenly it'd be a new day. it was exhausting knowing that their upcoming local competition was coming up. the widely awaited competition where the best of the best skaters within the team get nominated in different categories to perform.
having already experienced quite a bit in this field, she was used to always hearing her friends' and teammates' names be called out for the short programs and the free programs. it wasn't like she was confident in the skating. usually only participating in the very end at the closing show for all the people who decided to come and watch.
watching their coach walk out with the familiar worn out clipboard, they sat patiently. squishing onto the benches like it was a packed cafeteria table.
"it's your favourite time of the year, are you all seated in the sections you usually run?" hearing a very echo-y yes convinced him enough. hearing all the first sections get called on and hearing the names run through the air went through one ear and out the other for her.
it wasn't that she didn't care about them, she just knew that she wouldn't have to worry about this type of stuff. she didn't have a keen eye when it came to this stuff and couldn't really judge who was good.
the benches were split into the duo dancers and the solo dancers, them all having corresponding understanding of their craft and easily able to nominate each other within the split groups.
"female programs, who are the nominated ones that are gonna represent the team?"
"oh definitely izumi have you seen her program?"
"but bella's was so good too, they're always such amazing skaters."
"i personally think-"
"we know you're about to say your girlfriend shut the fuck up."
"what about cathrine?"
feeling all her muscles tense up, her eyes widened as she slowly turned to who said her name. a small petite face sat there, it seemed like a new skater that had recently joined the team and the last few months. that's weird, why would she nominate her?
"now that i think about it, all i ever see is xing in the rink anyways," another whistle came from the other side of the bench. why was she so suddenly anxious? this was what she wanted but now she was having second guessings of herself. maybe she didn't want to do this anymore
it was so stressful, she wanted to cry so badly. but what good was that? hearing conversations ring through her ears like flutters throughout her head. a pulsing feeling was beating her back and forth, a headache forming rapidly as she squeezed her hands into tight fists. feeling a lump in her throat, she couldn't stop herself from choking up and coughing slightly. attempting to clear the spot in her throat clogging the airway. or it was just her illusion.
"i vote cathrine as one of the representatives." recognizing the voice, she peered over her shoulder to the boy. his blank expression making her tear up. oh my goodness. she couldn't believe this was happening. she was literally fit for the idea of a bench warmer. what was, happening?
"cathy, are you okay with this?" coach seemed to have a worried expression. probably it was because she was shaking and acting petrified. it wasn't her fault or anything either. maybe if she just had the courage to speak- "cathy, i think you'd do well." turning, her eyes widened to the familiar face leaning against the benches. "keiji.." she could barely mutter a word off from her lips.
all eyes were practically on her at this point. which made it all the more nerve wracking for her. "i'll.. i'm okay with it." letting out a weak smile, she could hear some sighs of content when she said that. "alright, thank you cathy. now the other people we wanted were.." she could feel her heart beat at alarming rates and her hands becoming shaky again. she couldn't believe that she did that, just like that. she really, really, really did that. she couldn't believe herself.
as the last of the people were picked, they were ultimately dismissed after a long practice session. placing a hand over her chest, she took deep breaths to calm her mind. she was still so jittery even after all of that. feeling a hand being placed on her shoulder, she turned back with shock as to who it was. "you seemed like you were about to break down crying back there." the boy laughed as she pouted. clearly unamused by his wording. it was true however, she was miserable after being put on the spot. unlike others who were often the ones being picked for events like these, she was used to being the last resort. she was a top 10 landing skater at best.
even so she had a curse that haunted her if she was in the top 3. second place curse. no matter how hard she worked she would only ever land second place due to minor grading differences and biased scorings that were clearly uncertified for the score she was given. maybe it will have a change this time around. although she wouldn't guarantee herself. "how about we go out for some coffee? ease your mind a little." he noticed her spacey reactions and thought he might as well treat her.
"ah. that'd be, nice."
...
sipping on the warm coffee, he couldn't help but stare at the girl. her eyes still glossy from holding back her tears. sitting in silence was their sign of mutual awareness of each other. it was sweet silence, and it made him happy that she was willing to sit like this. "thank you for sitting with me." he smiled lightly towards her.
"how else am i suppose to support you?" he could see a smile creep onto her lips from those words. their mutual understanding could only be built overtime. "wanna go skating after this, i bought a new board." he smiled, knowing that she'd never say no to an opportunity like this. fiddling her fingers together, she looked up from her cup with a mischievous smile. "i thought you'd never ask"
...
posted : 4/18/22
words : 1062
