Young Alpha's Mate(Tagalog V.)

SIXTEEN

Driving..  He didn't ride with me in my car but I know he's following right behind me. Talking is the most thing I hate when it's to someone connected to me. Even Jess, I don't talk to her that much. I was about to call him dahil hindi ko sure kung saan ba kami pupunta, we're driving somewhere near the sea in which I am not familiar with. I know naman na safe ako, kaya nya naman ako ipagtanggol diba?  

I saw a parking space na malapit sa dalampasigan, naiisip ko na huminto na dito. There something in the open space and sky that's calling me. Napaka- payapa nang isip ko at kalmado kapag nakatitig ako sa itaas. Lumapit ako sa dalampasigan at huminto sa hangganan na hindi ako mababasa nang tubig dagat. I can feel his presence, I know he's near. 

Umupo ako at tumingala, as I closed my eyes and feel the breeze it calm's me more. "You knew already, should I still talk?" I asked him habang nakapikit padin ako. he si't down beside me at alam kong siya iyon. his presence screams security to me and Love. "I knew, I just want to hear it from you. I don't trust other when it comes to you" he said and napatingin ako sa kanya. The same expression, walang bahid nang kahit anong emosyon. I looked at his eyes at sumagot "And yet I'm living with someone not you" he just simply shrugged and said while looking at the sky too "I respect you, I respect your decision to live with him. Even though I don't trust the guy you are with, but I do trust you. And that's more than enough, you is more than enough"  

Is that so? Napabaling ulit ang tingin ko sa itaas, ilang minuto nang katahimikan na ang lumipas at hindi ko parin alam ang sasabihin. I can't even think of things when he's around, my mind shut's down. This is why gusto ko lumayo sa kanya, I need time to think. Think of things na hindi ako magdadoubt sa sarili ko. Right now, I don't know my self.  "Pinuntahan nya lang ako to grab lunch and that's it." Sagot ko sa kanya kahit pa I know deep inside ay hindi naman kailngan pang sumagot. 

"Thank you for the words" he said at napalingon na ko sa kanya. he's looking straight into my eyes. His eyes, that I am drowned with the first time I stare into it. "Let's go? It's getting late, It's not so nice when it's dark." pagaaya nya sakin na agad ko namang sinunod. Naglakad kami pabalik sa sasakyan, sinusundan ko lang sya. Kahit paglalakad nya ay napaka kalmado, animo'y wala syang pinoproblema sa mundo. "You have to talk to him about things." boses nya ang nagpabalik sakin sa reyalisasyon. "Huh?" tanong ko dail wala akong clue sa anong sinasabi nya, kanina pa ba sya nagsasalita dyan?

"Zach, you have to talk to him about... you and him." pagpapatuloy nya habang biglang humarap sakin mula sa pinto nang sasakyan. 

Talk to Him? Hmm, my mind's all over the place right now, so how should I talk to him? Anong sasabihin ko? Handa na ba ako? Masyadong magulo para sakin ang lahat, gusto kong makapagisip nang maayos nang hindi nagmamadali. Pero alam ko na hindi iyon maari, dapat na akong magdesisyon. Ang isiping hindi lang ako ang naapektuhan dito ahy sapat nang rason para magdesisyon ako sa lalong madaling panahon. I don't know anything, I don't even know my self. Is this why I am felt empty before?

I though I am done with questioning my self, eto yung part na ayoko. Doubting my self is not really good for my health. Alam ko na kailngan ko magdesisyon mag isa, alam ko na kailngan ko na magisip sa lalong madaling panahon. But how? everything is over whelming to me. I'll talk to Zach.

"I know, and I will" sagot ko nang walang emosyon. Alam ko na alam nyang magulo ang isip ko ngunit hindi ko dapat iyon ipakita, hindi ganito ang gusto kong makita nila. Pagsagot ko ay sumakay na ako nang sasakyan at nakita kong sya din ay ganoon. Ito na yata ang pinakamahabang byahe ko pauwi sa bahay ni Zach. Bukod sa malayo naman talaga ay iba ang aking pakiramdam. Hindi ko namamalayan o naiisip man lang na nakasunod parin sya sakin. Pag dating sa hangganan nang daan papunta sa bahay mismo ahy huminto ako, I know alam nyan senyales eto na hindi na sya sumunod pa. Huminto din ang sasakyan ni Wync at hindi na sya bumaba pa, tinignan ko lang sya sa side mirror at pagkatapos ay umalis na ako. I just hope Zack is there, this needs to stop. Pagbaba ko agad nang sasakyan at pagpasok sa bahay ay kakaiba agad ang aking naramdaman, pakiramdam na winiwelcome ako nang bahay. The feeling that I belong here, that this is where I should be. This feeling is what everyone wants. Tinignan ko ang kabuoan nang bahay, lahat nang nakikita ko pamilyar sa mga mata ko. I know this is partly mine. But it's sad to know na hindi na to sa akin ngayon.