Unrequited love

Twelve | Alex

Loading my plate with food I walk towards the dinner table sitting myself down opposite Lilah.

It's routine at this point. Her and her parents comes over at least once a week and we eat dinner, I sit across Lilah, my mother sits besides me who sits across Lilah's mother, whilst Lilah's father sits across my other mother.

Given I have two moms I call one of them ma and the other mom so avoid getting them confused with eachother. It became natural calling them these names by the fourth grade. Since in the second and third I would call them both mom and I would only confuse myself.

'How's school Alex?' Lilah's dad looks at me as he sits down besides his wife, 'did you and Lilah get in any of the same classes?'

'Sadly not.' I respond before putting a potato in my mouth. Neither of our parents are aware that we don't exactly talk anymore. They enjoy these things and despite how much we don't, we don't want to ruin their fun. It's better to just pretend, not that we ever discussed. We just mutually understood that it's what we were going to do.

'Maybe next year,' my ma laughs, 'it's like the teachers are purposely separating you two to avoid you guys talking in class,'

Glancing at Lilah I awkwardly laugh at her comment continuing to eat my food. Initially I was supposed to go over to Katie's house with Brylan but I had to cancel since Ma forced me too. She complained that I kept ditching the dinners to do other things.

Keeping quiet I listen to Lilah and I's parents talk soon zoning out of their conversation looking up at Lilah instead. Watching her she leans her cheek on her fist picking at her food.

She's never been one to eat in front of people and I picked up on that habit when it started in freshman year when I would catch her eating on her own. She won't eat now but once everyone leaves she will.

Finishing quickly I excuse myself before getting up off the table picking up my plate. Walking around the table I brush past Lilah bending down slightly.

'You should really eat. It's okay,' I whisper quickly before straightening my back again and entering the kitchen.

Rinsing down my plate under the tap I place it into the sink before heading towards my room. I open the door and enter leaving it open in case someone calls for me before sitting on my bed.

'I'm struggling out here. Tell me how bad your days are with it me please' I text the groupchat before slouching on the bed.

We had a whole thing planned for us to watch movies in Katie's home theater room they recently got. Although Damon invited Colton, Noah and Jacob I was invited alongside Brylan and now I can't go.

'No. Katie literally up and left to go take a shower and Damon's friends went after her to piss Damon off and now I'm left alone with him and it's so awkward,' Brylan replies making me laugh.

She always complains about how much she hates the basketball boys, especially Damon since he's definitely one that acted the most entitled of the bunch.

I put down my phone before sliding off my bed and picking up my guitar. I've been playing for year and it's honestly like my healthy drug. At least four times a week I practice for the fun of it and I know all my favorite songs and a few of my friends favorites.

Gently hitting the guitar with my fingers I think of a song to play before hearing the parents laugh at something. At least they're having fun. Couldn't say I relate.

Closing my eyes I follow my fingers on the strings. I got tired of constantly learning new pieces so I decided to make my own. I've been doing it for a while now but I haven't shown many people. I think I showed Brylan my first one and she claims it was good but playing it back, she was definitely just being nice. I have a lot of better shit now but I appreciate her being a good friend.

Feeling eyes on me I turn my eyes to the doorway seeing Lilah standing there watching me. My eyebrows rise since I can't tell if she just got there or if she's been there for a while. 'That was quick, usually it takes you more time to finish your food than that?' I comment on how I've only been up here for a little over seven minutes.

'Didn't feel like eating.' She seems a little uncomfortable by my question so I don't push it. Not many people like when their eating habits are pointed out.

'What's up?' I decide to switch the subject instead.

'Nothing.' Her answer is short so I'm not sure what to say next. Realizing the tension she clears her throat. 'Sorry for bothering you actually.'

'No it's okay.' I pay the space besides me. She's already here so it would be a little awkward to send her away. Poking the inside of her cheek I wonder if she'll turn me down. I'm not sure if I want her to or not actually.

'What's the name of the song?' She asks. Sitting down in front of me I'm a little surprised she didn't leave or find an excuse to.

'I wrote it.' I thought place the guitar to the side. 'I've been working on stuff like this recently,'

'You should release it.' She nods. 'It's really good,'

Pulling my legs up, I have been uploading them online. Nothing serious. When I feel comfortable with a piece I'll just post it online on a separate account, alongside the written tabs in case anyone wants them. They only get a couple hundred views anyways so it's not like people ask.

'You're still into piano right?' I wouldn't know.

'Yeah.' She responds rather coldly but I can't really tell if it's in her nature or she just doesn't care for it.

Neither of us speak for a little bit but it's not as awkward as it was earlier. Just looking at each other I haven't really done it properly. She's all over posters and everything to do with our school since she's on the cheer team. Meaning she's at every game and our school loves sports. But looking at her in the eye is different.

I haven't done it in a while and I think she's picking at me also. Not judgmentally, I'm just not the middle schooler she was close with.

'Why did you stop talking to me?'

I'm not really sure why I asked but I've been wondering for a while. We where friends one day then we got separated into different classes and grew apart.

She stopped talking to me and I didn't want to push her, feeling she was just having a bad day. Turns out she wasn't having a bad day and was just choosing to talk to other people, so me not putting an effort to talk to her that day only made us grow apart.

Looking at me for what feels like forever she most likely doesn't have an answer and neither do I. But here we are now awkwardly sitting in a room that we once used to play hide and seek in. It feels so recent yet so long ago.

'I don't really know.' Her response is palatable.

'Neither.'