Love.
As 'beautiful' as love can be it hurts and bleeds. If you're unlucky you may even love the very person you know you can't have.
The best friend,
The distant boyfriend,
The sisters friend,
The brothers friend,
The ex best friend,
Love isn't alw...
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I don't like her.
I haven't liked her in so long and I just got out of a long term relationship. Did I actually like the girl I was with? No. How do I know that? Because I felt more emotion in that five minute hug I had with her then I even had in the years I dated a different girl. And for that I feel like a peice of absolute shit. For that I don't deserve either of the girls because I don't think I ever liked Lilah.
Yes she was pretty and yes I got along with her but I think that's all it was. I fucking drowned out my old feelings for Katie by using Lilah and when my old feelings finally left so did my feelings for Lilah. I don't think I liked her, I think I liked how she distracted me.
Walking away from Jacob and Damon I found a stupid excuse for me needing to leave. My mind has been constantly going back to last weekend even though it's been days. It was the last time I really talked to Katie since she started crying. I think it was about Noah though since she had the same look in her eye that she had on Friday.
Fucking Noah.
No. I'm unfucking Noah because he didn't do anything to me personally. I'm just stingy because I can't help but wonder if I was just a little more selfish and talked to Katie when I could—would I have been Noah? Would I have had Katie look at me the same way she does when talking to Noah? Now I can't because he did it first. He spoke to her first and now all I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch uncomfortably.
I don't even like Katie romantically anymore.
But seeing them together makes me so frustrated. I almost went off at them when I saw them in the classroom together a week ago. I wish that Noah hadn't forgotten to tell me not to skip with him because I've been nothing but salty towards Noah since then.
Except how is he supposed to know how I used to feel? He can't. So I can't be mad at him for it. The only person that deserves to be mad right now is Damon.
Damon.
What if I just told him? No Colton, stop it.
I can't fucking do that because it would hurt Katie. I already made her uncomfortable so I don't need her to be resentful. My ass should've pretended not to see her reading the diary. I should've walked back outside and knocked because now it's awkward. Now I can't ask how she did on the test because if she had failed who's fault will it be? Mine. Well partially mine.
Shutting my locker I debate if I should just go and ask her. Weirdly I'm aware that she just had Biology so she would know what she got. Her mark was given back today since my Bio class was told last period.
Holding the diary in my hand, I brought it with me to school. I kind of wish I didn't since it would be nice to write about this day but I'm going to give it to her. They're so much context that she needs and I know it looks bad right now. I don't think she read the whole thing since she seems iffy when she left that day. It was almost a week ago but it feels like yesterday.
