Unrequited love

Fifty-four | Alex

As someone who's been on the same boat, I'm genuinely concerned for her. Obviously I never got to the same level as she did since my problems luckily fizzled out as I got older. Things got better in due time so the burning stopped at my ankle but for her, her cut didn't just stop at her thighs.

Or at least the doctor assume she had originally started cutting her legs when they checked. When they ask her she claims they're 'really old' so she can't remember. I would've believed her if I didn't recognize the way she told them to be the way I would tell other people if they questioned my burns. I can tell she's lying but they can't.

'They said you might have to spend a week in hospital so they can monitor you,' I whisper but I know she can't hear me since she's asleep. I've been coming to visit her in the hospital since the doctors won't let her go yet. 'You keep lying to them and they're worried you might commit once they let you leave,'

Leaning my elbow on the couch rest I can't help but feel semi responsible. If we just stayed friends then she might've been in a better place. But the thought that she mightn't also bugs me since I don't actually know when she started. For all I know she could've started when we where still friends. Trying to bat the negative thought away, I think of positive thoughts.

She's seemed a lot happier being around me recently and I like that. I like that I can just carelessly spend time with her. I like how with all the time we spent away from each other, we still somehow managed to click. I like that we still have the same sense of humor and that we can always talk. I like that it's me that she gets along with and I like how it's me that she makes jokes with. Feeling my smile fade as I look over to her I suddenly remember the criteria that she gave me for Katie.

'Is she still asleep?' The door opens the door slightly which makes me forget about what I was thinking about.

'She's been sleeping a lot recently,' I nod so Diana properly comes into the room. Walking over to me she sits down on the other side of the couch. She seems stressed but we stay quiet for a few moments.

'The doctor said that some of her cuts are faded.' She breaks the silence which wasn't really that awkward. 'So she's been doing this for possibly years now.'

Sensing her anxiety I look over to her and she's squeezing her knees. It's really out of character for her. She's always been known for the girl who doesn't give a flying fuck. The girl who can shamelessly bring a bat to the school window and get no repercussions because even the staff are afraid of her. Seeing her fidgeting right now is most likely a once in a lifetime experience for anyone to witness.

'I can't help but wonder that...that maybe she might've been having a shit day one day.' She looks over at me. 'It wasn't a rare occurance for her to be silent or just not want to talk aferschool and I always brushed it off and teased her.'

Confused on what she's getting at, I tilt my head. 'I can't help but wonder if she was trying to get better and I poked at her and pushed her to cut again. I can't help but think that she might've been finally having been having a good day then I went and trampled all over it and-,'