of rants and poems.

Untitled Part 19

i dont know why i keep writing these when no one's aroudn to care

im too out of it to give a fuck about the titles of these

I HATE A LOT OF THINGS BUT A LOT OF THAT HATE IS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU STEAL MY HAPPINESS AND MY THINGS AND MY FRIENDS AND NO ONE STOPS YOU FROM TRIGGERING ME WORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANIC ATTACK AND OF COURSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CONSTANTLY CALL AND TRIGGER ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND BECAUSE EVERYONE AROUND YOU GETS DRUNK ON YOUR ATMOSPHERE AND LETS YOU TAKE CONTROL AND THEY DO WHATEVER YOU WANT BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK TWICE AND IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HALF THE TIMES THEY CALL OR ACTUALLY MESSAGE ARE TIMES THEY'RE WITH YOU AND YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER AND YOU'RE BOTH ALWAYS HANGING OUT EVEN THOUGHT THEY SAY THEY HATE YOU AND EVERYTHINGS FUCKED UP AND I'M ALONE AGAIN AND I SPEND EIGHT HOURS MENTALLY EXHAUSTED AND UNABLE TO ESCAPE FROM YOU BUT YOU STILL TAKE UP ALL MY FRIENDS TIME AND IM NOT SURE WHETHER TO GET ANGRY AT THEM FOR THAT OR GET MORE ANGRY AT YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE POWER TO WRAP THEM AROUND YOUR FINGER AND I CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM BECAUSE SOME DON'T ANSWER AND OTHERS ANSWER TOO QUICKLY, AND I LAUGH AND THEN CRY BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE WOULDN'T ANSWER ME THAT FAST IF THEY WERE ALONE AND ITS FUNNY THAT WHOLE DAYS CAN GO BY BEFORE THEY REPLY BACK TO ME AND SOME OF THE FRIENDS LEAVE ME RANDOMLY AND CLAIM DIFFERENT THINGS WHEN I NEEDED THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE JUST DICKING AROUND WITH YOU AND I FIND IT REALLY FUCKING FUNNY HOW MUCH I HATE YOU WHEN EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS AT YOU THROUGH ROSE COLORED GLASS

FUCK THIS

AND I REally hate how long it takes for people to get it through their heads because yes i realize you're dating her and yes i realize you're friends but i hate her for doing this and i hate her for stealing my friends when i was suicidal and i hate her for stealing them now and i wish she went away and i dont know how many times ive told people how triggering it is to see her or talk to her and how many times they apologize for it because they do it anyway and it really hurts because they'll see this eventually and feel all bad but i'm angry and exhausted and in the middle of a really hard class and no one is in this school anymore and i'm alone and sad and everything sucks a lot all the time and no one seems to take me seriously and this is my only outlet because everything is dull and boring and my friends wont play games with me and i sit alone most of the afternoon and waste my time and never do my homework and put myself through hard shit and then people call me and i think they care but its only her again and i cry harder because they wouldnt have talked to me once that day if not for her and they only did it for a second anyway and i wish people would try to keep me around for once and not just fuck things up and say sorry afterward and its not their problem a lot because its only their high on her atmosphere but its still a little bit their fault for not taking me seriously and not caring enough and i hate her jokes and i hate everything and im one half asleep and two thirds depressed and i wish someone would hug me because all ive been doing lately is giving hugs and not having people care enough to hug me first because i must bbe fine right and my friend forgot about a whole conversation we had and i bet he wouldnt forget her conversation and i hate everything so much please im not fine and i need someone who wont put her first but although everyone says they do, their actions speak louder than their words and holy shit i hate her so much.

that was one whole long ass sentence