of rants and poems.

tumbling

we joked about what would stop us from talking.

i thought it'd be a fight, 

a real argument. 

but, no.

of course not, because it's me.

i fucked it all up again.

surprise, surprise, right?

it doesn't feel like a freefall and a crash.

it's more of a flat out run,

then slipping.

banging my knee.

tumbling over and over,

cutting my arms and bruising my limbs.

and i have pebbles embedded in my skin, now.

i'm still tumbling.

and i can barely breathe.

and i can't tell you how fast and out of control it is

i can't tell you about the nightmares reappearing

i can't tell you about all the blood on the blade

i can't tell you about the empty stomach,

because it'll drive you further away.

and i won't be able to tell you the worst things

or the pain that has kept me locked up

from being pushed away from you.

i can't stand myself.

and i'm still tumbling.

and everything hurts

because you are on of the most important things

in my whole life.

and i keep tumbling and hurting

and i can't believe we ever joked about it

because it's so horrible

and so painful,

and i hope that we can get together well again.

because i'm so bad without you.