of rants and poems.

mistake

and all I've ever done is make mistakes

I've said too many things wrong

I haven't kept enough to my word

I've cried too much and let you down too much

I've been too boring.

too nervous.

too sad and not interesting enough. 

i've failed you

and everyone

and I am a mistake.

nothing I say is important 

because no one cares anymore.

why should they?

my so called poems are all just rants

my so called life is made up all of people 

who care less for me than I care for them

I don't matter.

I'm not brave or cool or beautiful

I'm disgusting

i'm the same as every fucking one else

I'm self conscious

I need other people but I don't want them around

i'm a big fat mistake

everything i've ever done

or said

or thought of

has been wrong.

has been utterly and completely wrong.

i've should've flayed myself open when i could've.

i should've died when i had the chance

because all i've been doing

is making mistakes

and hurting people

and hurting myself.

i've just been disappointed

trying too hard

i've been crying for too long over people that wouldn't cry over me

i've been fooling myslef into thinking i'm strong

and thinking i'm good enough for you

and thinking that i am something different

i was never special

because all i do is let people down

and fuck up

and humiliate myself.

because all i am

all i've ever been

is a huge

fucking

mistake.

who doesn't mean anything anymore.