how it feels to fly | jeonglix

18

After what happened at the trampoline park, Felix and Jeongin didn't speak on the Sunday. Less out of awkwardness or avoidance—rather a mutual understanding that both really needed some time on their own.

Come Monday morning, Felix gets woken up early by a heavy ache in his chest. It's early enough, that a figure outside his window catches his eye, and he moves closer to the glass in surprise.

Jeongin has his back to him, crouching in front of Hyunjin's grave, ankles swaying under the strong wind. He's dressed in a shirt and trousers, satchel swung over his shoulder. Felix gulps, eyes glued to the back of Jeongin's head. The ache in his chest is overridden by something else—a longing he feels to go down to him and comfort him, hug him, be a person who helps him through this. But still, his feet stay rooted to the floor until, hardly five minutes later Jeongin pushes to his feet, brushes himself off, and walks out of sight, back in the direction of the gate, no doubt headed to catch the bus to college.

Two hours later, after Felix has made breakfast for himself, helped out his Dad—who's leg is well on the way to being healed—with a bit of work, Felix grabs his mask and heads down to the bakery.

The shop is busy, filled with adults buying the bread for the week, and perhaps a treat for the little ones when they return from school, and even under the mask Felix's face warms instantly when he walks in. A couple of people spare him glances, but he pretends to examine the sandwiches until the shop has somewhat emptied, and finally walks up to the counter, crinkling his eyes in the most obvious form of a smile he can manage.

"Can I have a chocolate muffin, please?" He requests, and the young boy working nods with a smile and begins to wander off. "Ooh, can I also have two ham and cheese croissants? Thanks.." He adds, deciding to get them for him and his dad, who always raves about the croissants each time Felix comes home with one. There're still a few people mulling around, and Felix can almost feel them on the hairs of his neck and at the small of his back. He taps each of his fingers against his thumb in succession, counting quietly under his breath.

Hardly taking a breath, Felix pushes the exact amount of money towards the worker, and slinks around everyone with expert precision and escapes outside, not pausing for a second until he's out of the village square, and making himself slow down as he makes his way home.

The croissants are still warm, deliciously toasty and the cheese perfectly melted. Felix takes them out on plates to his Dad, and Andrew has the exact reaction he was expecting. They sit on the newly mowed grass and tuck in. By now the sun is high above them, its rays beating down on their backs and burning Felix's skin through his dark coloured clothing. Alongside it the taste of the food gives him comfort, and this moment is a brief one of euphoria; the past escapes him and Felix can't bring himself to worry about his future, only bask in this rare feeling of contentment.

He asks his dad about his day, and Andrew must notice the good mood his son is in, because he suddenly has a warm smile on his face and reaches out to ruffle Felix's hair. Felix tells him about the book he's just started—a re-imagining of Romeo and Juliet set in 1920's Shanghai that he's barely thirty pages into but already loves.

Andrew listens closely, happy as he always is when Felix starts talking about his passions, when he gets a giddy smile on his face and suddenly can't stop gushing about it, whether it be books or a fascinating thing about space that he's likely spent hours researching. He lets Felix go on, only responding when Felix gives him space to, careful not to push in or close the conversation accidentally.

"Is Jeongin coming over later?" He asks when his son seems to have run out of words.

Felix frowns, and then shrugs lightly, "I haven't asked but I guess so... Is that okay?"