how it feels to fly | jeonglix

07

Jeongin ends up sleeping at Felix's for the night. Having felt guilty for the way Jeongin's arms were trembling the whole time they spoke, Felix had offered him the warmth of his bed, which is always piled high with blankets so is as toasty as sitting directly in front of an open fire.

"Felix, why is there a strange boy in your bed?"

When his dad's voice wakes him up the next morning, Felix has to quickly remind himself that he's not on a double bed, and rolling over to face him would end up being more painful than it's worth. He tips his head back and stares upside-down at his father. At first the question incites confusion in him, and it takes a few seconds for Felix to remember why he's currently curled up on the sofa downstairs and who the 'strange boy' is.

"He's not— he's not strange," Felix croaks, pushing himself upright. His father turns away and leaves, clearly expecting his son to follow him with a better explanation.

Instead, Felix clambers up the stairs, ignoring his dad's bewildered stare at his back and pads into his room. Jeongin is still asleep, barely visible under the plethora of fuzzy blankets and thick duvet, nose notably tucked underneath to escape breathing in cold air whilst he sleeps. Some things haven't changed then, Felix smiles to himself.

Already noticing a lump in his throat, Felix quickly swallows his tablets before trying to wake the younger up.

He sits down in the edge of the mattress and leans across to where Jeongin has curled up against the wall. "Jeongin..." he calls gently. It feels strange to be saying his name again after so long—it feels almost foreign on his tongue, but startlingly familiar at the same time.

He says it again when the boy doesn't stir. Reaching his hand out, Felix hesitates, before laying his hand on his exposed forearm and rubbing it gently. "Wake up."

Finally his eyes open, fluttering in the light and then darting round in confusion. When Jeongin spots Felix, his eyebrows furrow for a moment, and then his eyes widen.

"Felix—"

He smiles down at him, "Morning."

The younger smiles lightly, eyes resting on the night sky painted across Felix's ceiling. "Pretty..." he whispers, eyes still half-closed.

Then he seems to snap out of it and sits up, sighing. "I thought last night might've been a dream..." he trailed off. A part of him had hoped for it, in fact. Having to experience both being in Hyunjin's room and finding Felix again in the space of two hours... God, Jeongin had almost convinced himself there was no way it was real: surely the universe couldn't be that cruel? But no, his heart still ached as if he'd been driven through with a spear and very quickly tears sprung to his eyes.

In another world, perhaps they could have a joyous reunion, where they recount all the memories they'd lost. After all, they both have so many questions. He wants to ask Felix everything, hear the melody of his voice floating through the air for the rest of time, until it feels as if they never parted.

But his reality is a weight he can't ignore. It didn't happen, because there's just too much else going on right now. 

Felix sighs, watching Jeongin being caught up in his own thoughts with a pained look on his face made him want to wrap him up in his arms and comfort him—tell him everything would be okay, help him forget for a little while. But over five years they'd grown too far apart and with no means of contacting each other and separate lives to lead, they'd become strangers again.

"Come downstairs... when you're ready. I'll make breakfast." He gets up, smiling sadly at the lack of reply from Jeongin and heading to the kitchen.

His father is sat at the table, cup of tea in front of him. When Felix enters, he peers at him over his glasses. "Care to explain?"