how it feels to fly | jeonglix

08

"This was one of Hyunjin's favourite places to sit after classes."

Felix looks up from his lap, surprised. The two of them are sat under a tree behind the church, where a lone rope swing with a tyre attached has been strung up—presumably done years ago for children who've now grown up. His back is against the rough bark, hoodie not doing much to protect him from the scratching feeling.

This is the first time Jeongin has mentioned Hyunjin, despite all the time he puts into visiting him.

"Hyunjin?" Felix confirms, "He was your friend, right?"

Jeongin lightly shakes his head. "No."

Felix doesn't reply, but sits up a little straighter. 

"Well, he was once," Jeongin corrects himself. "But not when he—" he cuts off. "He was my everything... if you get what I'm saying. But we couldn't tell his parents—they're extremely religious. He is—was—too, but he never understood how they could use it as an excuse to hate people for falling in love." He sighs, head tipping back against the trunk of the tree. "Some days it hurts less than others," he says softly. "And then sometimes I can hardly bear to think about him, and wish I could just forget everything. But then I just feel guilty."

"Forgetting can hurt even more than remembering," Felix whispers.

He nods. "Every so often, he'd drag me along to Church with him on a Sunday, because he used to sing in the choir and always liked it when I watched." Eyes warm against the dull and grey autumnal landscape, Jeongin grins at Felix for a second, before it drops to a wistful half-smile. "I used to complain, but secretly I loved it... I'd give anything to go and listen to him again."

Jeongin pauses, "How come we never met until now? It's been two years of being a few miles apart, and I never even saw you around your house."

"It's... a little difficult," Felix starts. He had a feeling this would come eventually, and has been trying to figure out how to answer it. So far, he's not got much. "I'm just... not that great around people," he improvises. "On Sundays especially I avoid going out, because it's never good when I do and you know... Church." He sighs, tugging his mask off from where it'd been propped under his chin. "It's why I also wear these everywhere I go," he explains, spinning the face mask around his finger. "Knowing people can't see my face makes me feel a little more calm."

"Is that why you don't like being touched as well?"

Felix flinches a little. "You noticed?"

Jeongin nods. "Sorry I didn't really give you a choice earlier, I was hardly thinking."

He shakes his head, "It's fine, don't worry about it." Then, he laughs to himself, and shakes his head. "Wow, we're really getting deep for the first time hanging out in so long." He looks away, suddenly enticed by the toggles on his jumper.

Jeongin looks at him, expression lost. "Do you feel like we're strangers now, Felix?"

Stunned, he pauses. Biting his lip, Felix contemplates his answer. What does he feel? 'Strangers' isn't right at all. Even acquaintances leaves a bitter taste in his mouth—more so than there usually is—and to say friends doesn't feel powerful enough. They're like each other's special person, like two halves of the same whole. "No," he croaks finally. 

"Neither do I." 

If 93% of our bodies were made in the stars, then Jeongin and Felix came from the same one. Their blood carried the same stardust. That was how Felix felt: like some unexplainable force drew him to Jeongin and made him never want to leave him. He'd felt his loss when he moved away with his father and now the pull has only gotten stronger, and Felix doesn't know how to deal with it.

Soulmates? Is that what you'd call it? 

He glances at the younger boy beside him, now slowly drifting off against the tree trunk, head lolled to the side and hands resting over his chest. Felix was going to say he should get going—the last bus will be here soon—but instead he sits and watches Jeongin for a while as the boy falls deeper into a sleep, with the sun setting in the background.

He ends up missing the bus, too comfortable laying next to Jeongin. They're close enough to be considered 'intimate' but not quite touching, and Felix can feel Jeongin's body heat and hear his deep breaths and he lays on his side, arm tucked under his head and staring at the boy with a soft smile gracing his face. He gently brushes a strand of hair from Jeongin's face, and closes his eyes.

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a/n: I love the idea of a) non-romantic soulmates and b) the fact that human beings are basically made from stardust. Like as soon as I turn eighteen i'm getting hella tattoos and one of them is going to be stars running down the veins on one of my arms. idc what my parents have to say I'm doing it :D

any thoughts on this chapter? it's a little short but please vote/leave a comment to let me know what you think :)