I woke up in Mike's hotel room, next to him on the bed. He must've put me there after I fell asleep on his arm. Honestly, I'm shocked I was able to after telling him so much. Even more surprised at how quickly I seemed to have passed out. I suppose I haven't been getting much sleep lately, my body was tired. Being around Mike puts me at ease, I'm able to relax around him - I feel protected.
A flash causes me to stiffen, I'm unsure where it came from since it happened so quickly. The room was still dark, it was early morning. I start trembling, afraid to question what I just saw. I slowly make my way from the bed to the light switch. I don't want to wake up Mike, but I need to make sure nobody's in the room. I can't stop shaking as I flick it on, but quickly off when I see nothing. It didn't seem to disturb Mike, he continues to lightly snore.
My breath is shaky, I'm still scared. My brain could be playing tricks on me, reminding me of the show. It could be trying to tell me he's a threat, like I don't already know. My survival instincts feel as though they've kicked in, all I want to do is run.
"Mike?" I call to my bandmate, gently nudging him. His eyes flutter open and he automatically smiles at me. Relief washes over me just having him conscious.
"What's wrong, Ches?" He groggily asks. His question grounds me, reminding me of what I saw.
"There... it could be nothing... but I saw a flash," I immediately start trembling again, Mike notices and takes hold of my hand. After giving it a reassuring squeeze, he stands and flicks the light on.
He starts checking everywhere in the room. Under the bed, in the closet, the connecting bathroom, behind curtains - anywhere someone could hide. When nothing turns up, he looks to me and shrugs.
"I think it's okay, Ches, I didn't find anything. We're on the fifth floor as well, I don't think anyone's scaling the building," He smiles weakly. "We can go to your room though if you'd feel safer."
"Yeah, okay," I agree and he starts collecting a few of his things.
I'm probably just being paranoid, but I don't think I can go back to sleep in that room. I can't explain the feeling, but it's like someone's constantly watching me. There's a persistent pool of dread always building in my stomach. It must be nothing though, I don't know. I've only seen him at the shows. How would he know which hotel I'm at, let alone my bandmates room? If he did know, then there's no point in going to mine. He'd know that as well. This all must be in my head. I can't help feeling like I'm losing my mind. What did I do to deserve this?
"Are you going to sleep more?" Mike asks after arriving to my room. I shrug my shoulders and slump down on the bed. He takes a spot next to me and lays down. He looks so tired.
"You should though," I suggest and he sighs, shaking his head.
"I don't want you to feel alone," He admits, causing a lump to form in my throat. My eyes swell up in tears. I don't understand how he can care about me so much. He really seems exhausted, however, and I don't want him to worry about me.
"I'm okay, Mike, I promise. We have a long drive ahead of us later and you need sleep," I nudge. He bites his lower lip, seeming to contemplate what to do.
"I could sleep on the bus," He argues and I smile at him, rolling my eyes.
"As if a bunk is more comfortable than a real bed," I laugh. "Seriously, Mike. It's like 5am anyway, I want to get a workout and coffee in. By the time I'm back, you'll probably be up."
"Okay," He tiredly grins, then grabs my hand. He's suddenly peering deeply into my eyes with a serious expression. "I love you, Chester."
"I love you too, Mike. I'll see you in a couple hours," I smile and start grabbing a couple things like my phone and wallet. He's frowning, as though I missed something. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, see you in awhile," His frown vanishes as quickly as it appeared. I decide not to think on it and leave the room.
Since it's so early, I decide to use the hotel's gym. I doubt anyone will be there and I want a full workout in. It'll be nice to take my mind off things through exercise. I'll probably top it off with a little jog. It's probably a good idea to stretch my legs out before getting on the bus. I should get Mike a coffee as well whenever I make my way back to the room.
I feel better thinking about today. I just want to put everything behind me and act like nothing happened. There's no point in being so paranoid, I can't prevent anything from happening anyway. I need to move on, I can't keep living like this.
As I start with some basic stretches, I think back to Mike's reaction earlier. Thinking back, he hasn't said he loved me in awhile. Why did he act so weird after? I'm probably overthinking things. He said it was nothing. I just can't help but wonder. He was gently holding my hand, yet so tightly. The way he gazed into my eyes sent daggers through my heart - I can't explain the feeling. Almost yearning. I push the thoughts away, there's no point letting them get to me.
I can't explain the way I feel about Mike. I still love him to death, but it feels different somehow. All I want is to be engulfed by his arms, safe and secure. I love the way he makes me feel and how he makes me smile, regardless of what's happened. He brings happiness wherever he goes. He's so understanding. He's shown me love when I felt it was lost. He means absolutely everything to me. I could never thank him enough for everything he's done.
