The morning arrives after a long, restless night. I'm not even sure I slept, my mind was racing with thoughts and possibilities. Exhaustion is starting to get the best of me. I don't think I have it in me to attempt exercise today. I'm just so tired.
Mike's soft snoring was the only thing keeping me grounded throughout the night. Anxiety was repeatedly swelling up inside me to the point it was hard to contain. The desire to not wake Mike outweighed my need to lose control. No matter how poorly I'm doing, I will swallow it down to keep others unaware and happy.
I decide I don't want to be around when he wakes up, yet I'm too tired to do anything worthwhile. Grabbing some clothes, I decide to just take a shower. At least this way, it won't seem like I was sitting up all night. If he's still not up afterwards, I'll get us some coffee - I really need the caffeine today.
As I step under the hot water, I think back to last night. It won't be long until Mike starts demanding answers. He's being as patient as he can, but it's definitely affecting him. I feel so awful about it, he shouldn't have to worry about me at all. I should be able to take care of myself.
Sometimes I wish I could simply disappear. I'm frustrated with it all and am starting to doubt there's even an end to this. I feel more alone everyday, just so far away. It's hard to be with those next to me, when I'm becoming empty. It's like nothing I do will matter, nothing will change. I know something's got to change inside of me. If I keep thinking this way, I'll remain trapped.
After a long shower, I brace myself for the day. I'd be surprised if Mike didn't try talking to me again about everything. I appreciate his concern, but I wish he wouldn't worry. I'm getting anxiety that he might confront me, when I know I shouldn't - he's only doing it because he cares.
When I enter the room, Mike's sitting on the edge of his bed. He has an unreadable look across his face as he stares at his phone. Something doesn't feel right about it. He doesn't glance up at me after the door closes.
"Morning, Mike. I was thinking about getting a coffee, would you like one too?" I greet him, which snaps him out of his trance. He gives me a small smile and nods.
"That would be wonderful, thank you," He agrees, then goes back to staring at his phone. Curiosity is getting the best of me.
"Whatcha looking at? Porn?" I try to joke as to not seem nosey. He laughs and shakes his head.
"You wish. No," He grows a bit more serious. "I've been getting these texts over the last few months from an unknown number. I blocked it, but then a different one started. I'm assuming it's a fan, but I don't know. It's just kind of weird."
"Oh," I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind immediately assumes it's him. I haven't experienced anything like that though and if he had Mike's number, then there's no doubt he has mine as well. "What are they saying?"
"It started off as gibberish, paragraphs of nonsense. Then, they started trying to call me all the time. Leaving silent voicemails and texting me to answer it. Then they sent me random dates, I think they're from our tour. I don't know, really strange," He hesitated. "Recently, they've been sending a single letter each day. Do you know what any of this is about?"
"I-I don't know," I'm unsure if I'm lying. Maybe this isn't who I think it is messaging Mike. My mind is struggling to wrap around all the information he told me.
"I'm only asking because I think they're spelling out your name. The last few days, they sent me 'C', 'H', 'E', and today they sent 'S'. I didn't want to say anything to scare you, but I don't know if these texts should be taken lightly anymore. We even had cameras in our last hotel room. I'm honestly starting to think a crazy fan is stalking us and we need to do something," He admitted his thoughts. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.
"I-I... Maybe it's not my name. Could the cameras be coincidental?" I try to play ignorant, though acting causes me to feel more guilty. I can't prove this person messaging Mike is him, but I doubt it's anyone else.
"I guess it could be, but I really think it's time I at least speak with our lawyers about it. Who knows how far some people are willing to go?" He sighs and takes my hands in his. "I'm sorry about all this, you have enough going on."
"You can't control it, please don't apologize," I plead, the guilt getting worse.
"I know I can't, I just don't want you to worry. I promise I'll get it all figured out. I'll talk with an attorney and see what steps they suggest we take. They'll probably just recommend I record everything and file a police report. The cops can't do anything at this point, but they'll be made aware."
"Yeah," I simply agree, fear starting to set in. What if he releases those photos because Mike went to the police? "I think I need that coffee right about now."
"Agreed. I'm sorry again for bringing it all up, I know it's early," The more he apologizes, the more guilt rises. I wish I could snap and just tell him what's really going on.
"Please stop saying you're sorry," I beg with a deep sigh. "I'll be back in a little bit."
I leave before he can say another word. My eyes are full of tears as soon as the door closes behind me. I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. I didn't realize he had been harassing Mike for months. It's all my fault for not saying anything. He's going to tell law enforcement without realizing the risks. Those pictures could be released. At least then, I'd have nothing hanging over my head. Mike doesn't deserve any of this. I need to tell him before it's too late.
