Apricots In The Afternoons

They Will Never Hear Your Screams (TW:ED)

Weep until your eyes grow tired,

Till you feel the tear in your soul,

Go run to burn the extra calories something I wish I had never known.

Growling grows in my stomach,

But I must suppress it, as I am what I eat and what I look I become.

In denial I must stay to keep myself going,

An inch or two less on the waist and till the fat on my face dissolves.

I will stop eventually, I will you know,

Just need to keep going till I am sticks and bones,

And till my eyes pop from my sockets and I retch out all the contents consumed.

I need the admiration to validate my existence,

If I am not pretty, what shall I ever become?

I wish I looked at food and saw anything different than numbers,

My mind feels heavy with all the self-criticism,

I feel my organs shrinking and rotting

But exterior is what has always mattered.

Lying to the dentist as he stares down in my throat,

Lying to my friends crediting green tea as the sacred cause.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I stare at the plate of rice growing cold,

I wish to eat but I know I would loathe myself if I let go.

I have to keep climbing up that hill, the hill that will only end with my mortality.

Numb the pain and transcend your weakness,

You are nothing if you are not 80 pounds and 20 inches.