Not Over You ~ Quinton Griggs

CHAPTER 43

I woke up so sick like I can't even leave the bed
I'm so sick I wanna die
Quinton's been up all morning out of the room
Even though I'm like slowly dying
I put on the tv until he came in
Quinton: you feel any better
Me: mnm I'm dying quinton
Quinton; I think you'll live babe
Me: mnm
Quinton: how bad
Me: extremely
Quinton; see I can't trust you baby
Me: I'm not a liar
Quinton: no your just so extremely dramatic
Me: am not
Quinton : yes you are
Me: you know if I die baby boy dies too
Quinton: yeah but your not gonna die
Me: I could
Quinton: you won't your surely fine you probably ate something and it didn't sit right
Me: or you poisoned that grilled cheese the other day
Quinton: why would I do that
Me; I don't know but I think you did
Quinton: well I didn't
Me: how can I trust you
Quinton: I'm your baby daddy I wouldn't poison you I also like love you and shit
Me; mmmmhm
It was cramping so bad I wanna die
I balled up my legs
Quinton: just stay in bed today
Me: yeah
Quinton: realistically how bad does it hurt
Me: honestly so bad
Quinton; when do you go back got the doctor
Me: Tuesday
Quinton: do you wanna call the doctor maybe
Me: oh nowww your worried huh since it could be the baby
Quinton : I am worried I've been worried
Me: mhm
Quinton: I'm serious yeah I care about your pain but it's in your stomach and I don't what if somethings wrong
Me: you said nothings wrong
Quinton: but I'm no doctor I only said it was fine cause I thought it wasn't that bad and you were being dramatic
Me: well I wasn't
Quinton : you want some pain killer
Me: I want some weed
Quinton: mnm
Me: just a litttle maybe he likes it
Quinton; he don't need it and you don't either
Me: ugh
Quinton; I think we should call the doctor
Me: I just wanna sleep
Quinton: yeah okay
He got up
Me: I mean with you come cuddle
He laid down with me and I laid on his chest
For a little
Me: quin
Quinton: hm
Me: will you do something for me please
Quinton: mhm what
Me: Look up signs of miscarriage
Quinton: I already have
Me: what was it
Quinton; what's going on with you right now
Me: I think we need to go to the doctor
Quinton: mhm
Me: I really hope he's okay I don't wanna fuck up
Quinton; yeah me too baby
Quinton: surely it's all fine I mean it said miscarriages are most common in the first three months not so much now
Me; yeah

Me: if something is wrong and he's dead then I'm really sorry
Quinton: don't worry baby it's probably nothing
Me: or it's probably something it's probably karma
Quinton : loosing our baby wouldn't be karma
Me: yeah I've fucked up a lot and never had anything to lose and now I do and it could be taken from me
Quinton: it won't baby
Quinton ; I love you so much and our baby too
Me: I love you too

I eventually fell asleep with the nightmare of loosing my baby

Around 3 am I stumbled awake
I was so deathly scared
I know I've the absolute worst things anyone could do but I don't deserve to loose my baby
I got up going to the bathroom
Quinton sleeping so peacefully
I went to the bathroom
Washing my face with water
Ugh
I went out to the kitchen as I was starving
I made myself a grilled cheese
And ate it slowly
Luckily it's Monday and I go to the doctor tomorrow
I'm only 27 weeks
I moved gently to the nursery sitting in the little chair it's become like my safe space or my own space it helps a lot when I feel like those bpd emotions
Anyways looking around the room got me extremely emotional and I started crying
I don't wanna loose this kid
I guess my crying was loud as the door creaked open
Nessa: hey you okay
Me: hmm yeah
I wiped my eyes
Nessa: why are you crying
Me: cause in just fucking up
Nessa: fucking up what
Me: getting pregnant in the first place now im gonna loose it
Nessa: babes your so lucky to be pregnant just a couple more weeks and your gonna meet him and your gonna really be grateful for what you went through
Me: Nessa I think I'm miscarrying
Nessa: why do you think that
Me: I've been cramping so bad
Nessa: no blood?
Me: mnm
Nessa: brieeee your fine he's fine if you were miscarrying there's be blood and lots
Me: I could wake up tomorrow and my bed filled with blood ness ya know it wouldn't even matter if I was normal but I'm not and I get easily attached and I'm so attached to him I won't handle it if I loose him
Ness: surely to god your fine babes I think your just worrying so much you go to the doctor soon and she'll tell you how great our little baby is
Me: I hope so I just don't wanna fuck up anymore jadens so disappointed
Nessa: no he was in the beginning honestly he thinks our boys gonna ruin your life but we know that's not true b once he comes and Jaden sees how amazing parents you and quinton are and how cute he will be Jaden will love him and it's all gonna be good
Me: I hope your right
I laid my head on the arm rest