I'm all alone in this world

Hope your day was better

Melina P.O.V.

"Where the hell happened yester -yeesh what happened to your eye" I said to Sean once I got to school, "You and Jack both weren't here well neither was Amanda but that's not important." He sighed and walked away from me. I felt ill he didn't even say anything I guess I was rambling too much. Maybe I was just too annoying. Either way I fucked up. I took a shaky breath inwards and then breathed out slowly. The bell rang and for once I squeezed though the crowd to get to class first. I ran to my locker and opened it quickly then headed to homeroom making it there before the teacher. I wanted out of this place as soon as possible. I was considering ditching today. "Hey Mel" Jack said plopping down next to me. "Hi?" I replied confused. "What's up" he asked. "Uhm s-sitting down what do you Uh want" I stuttered. "Just wanted to see how you were you know cuz you're depressed and all" Jack grinned. I raised an eyebrow to him. "Wait no that sounded douchey that's not what I meant wait let me find a way to refraze that, okay got it I wanted to see how you are bc you seem pretty chill you know" he said. I laughed a bit at that not wanting to talk again. "Yay you're happy" the green and blonde haired boy said. "You're weird" I stated hoping he didn't notice the shape I was in. "You're one to talk" he laughed. I rolled my eyes at him. "So what happened to your eye" he asked nudging towards it. "Oh that heh forgot about that. Just got punched no biggy it was a while ago" I shrugged. He went in to give me a hug. I flinched and pulled back afraid he'd try to hurt me. "Yo relax just a hug. Don't freak"he frowned. I took a deep breath and let him in. It was short given the fact most people started to pile into the room whispering about us. I didn't want his image being ruined because of me. I pushed him away and ran out of the classroom. I didn't want to hear what they were saying. I waited in the bathroom until the bell rang singling me to go to class. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to face Sean or math or even Cindy. I only wanted to go to language arts even though I dreaded it. I wanted to find out who my partners were going to be. I curled up in a ball and decided to wait for the bell to ring. I didn't care that I'd be marked absent. Besides I didn't have drama today. The teacher wouldn't notice I was gone. My drama teacher was the only teacher that truly noticed me. Oh wait actually I do have it today. Oh well. I sighed and stayed curled up on the toilet until the first bell rang. And then the second. When the fourth bell finally rang I put shaking legs to the ground and stood up. I was so weak. I walked to science trying to make myself invisible. I got to class on time surprisingly and took place in my assigned seat. Everyone around me was talking about anything and everything I blocked it all out. I only tuned in when she started announcing groups. "Jack, Sean, Bryanna, Amelia, and Melina will all be in a group together"she smiled sweetly. I was conflicted with my feelings I didn't hate anyone in that group and only Sean was mad at me. But what was worse hate or madness was the real question. "Hey" Bryanna said smiling sweetly at me. I gave her a weak fake smile. I wanted to leave immediately. The boys chatted together helping almost not at all. This was a really big project and was worth 20% of our grade. Only when Bryanna started to yell at the guys saying "So yea if you don't shut up right this second and help I swear to god I will get Daryl to come here and kill you as if he was in the zombie apocalypse again." I laughed remembering her obsession with the walking dead. We reviewed the topic of the story we had recently read and took notes. Pencils were scribbling notes as fast as humanly possible. We had read How To Kill A Mockingbird. The project was a presentation on the subject including oral speaking speaking a small skit, and identifying the topic, theme, mood tone, p.o.v., and who the main character was and their traits. It was very hard and I was dreading the parts with speaking to the class. I had always hated it. When me and Cindy were friends she used to calm me down during a panic attack now she was a reason for them. I was officially done with class even if class wasn't over for us. "May I go to the bathroom" I asked the teacher. She nodded her head and shooed me away. I didn't bother signing out. I went down to the cafeteria and took the back exit out so the main office wouldn't see me. I walked home in silence as tears rolled down my face. What was so wrong with me that everyone hated me. Old memories sprouted to the front of my head and I partially remembered. "You depend on others too much for happiness. You should make your own happiness and shouldn't lean" my therapist had said. "Don't you see I'm trying that, that's why I don't talk to anyone anymore" I pleaded. "No you still need to talk to others just don't let them in show the tip of the iceberg" she had replied. I didn't end up talking to anyone but Wren after that. He was the only one who fought me back when I told him to please stay away from me because I didn't want to hurt him. I had had a few good friends every now and then but I ended up pushing them away so much that we didn't talk again. My therapist confused me. I didn't know what to do anymore so I went with my gut feeling. It was always right, like how Liam had never even loved me and it was all just a joke, how Wren didn't actually care he just felt pity, no one wants me to stay. Like I said always right, only once was it wrong but I still listen to it everyday screaming at me. I wanted to run but I was too tired and weak to at the moment. I ran anyways because the voice was calling me fat screaming that no one would ever love me. My vision blurred in and out as I ran. The fact that I was crying didn't help. I fell to my knees scraping them up. I screamed. I don't know why but I did. I couldn't contain the tears anymore. I could barely even breathe at this point. This wasn't like the movies I watched, there was no guy or best friend to come to me and wrap there arms around me to assure me in okay or a friend giving me a hug taking me out to get pizza. I laughed at that a bit, my therapist was right I was too dependent. Or maybe I was too hopeful. I picked myself back up and took shaky steps to the house still with blurred vision. I couldn't see anything but shapes and colors at the time. I tripped over the curb walking and fell again. My body felt even heavier than before I gathered all my strength to stand up again. I managed to get a few feet before all I could see was black and I couldn't stand.