I'm all alone in this world

I thought I was okay

"Hey Mel" Wren smiled as he tapped me on the back. "Hey Wren, ready to head home" I asked. "Yea I'm ready, what happened to your eye?" He questioned. "Oh uhm someone punched me earlier, nothing new" I frowned rubbing my eye. My eye was still sore from the last time my mom hit me and now I had kids at school hurting me too. It was better than usual though. I put in one earbud and started blasting Sleeping with Sirens music. Then, Wren asked me a few serious questions he's never asked before. "Mel why do you want to die" his voice was barely above a whisper. I sighed and thought of a response that wouldn't hurt him. "Please. Be honest" he said barely able to hear. "It's because I don't belong here, I'm an outcast, you're the only person that would miss me, nobody loves me, and everyone would be better off without me, I wouldn't hurt anyone if I was dead" I said honestly. "You'd hurt me" he said starting to get teary eyed. "Please don't cry" I begged. How could I do this, I hurt my only friend and I fucked up again, I was a fuck up, my parents didn't even want a child, I was a mistake. I grabbed his wrist stopping him in his tracks and he winced. I looked up at him with pure terror and then down at his wrists. There were a few cuts and bruises on them obviously intentional. "No oh god Wren why" I asked starting to cry. "I couldn't stand the thought of my best friend leaving this world he said pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back and squeezed tight. I cried into his shoulder until I was able to say "I'm sorry, this is all my fault, you hurt yourself because of me" in between sobs. "Shh calm down, calm down" he said planting a kiss on my forehead. After a few minutes of crying we started to walk again. Wren was the best friend I could ever have and no we weren't secret lovers or anything like that, well at least I didn't love him, not like that at least. "Last question, can you take off your bandages and take off your jacket ?" he asked. "You're not going to like what you see if I do" I gulped. "I don't care" he replied. I sighed as I unwrapped my bandages wincing slightly revealing my scars and new wounds, a few broke open, some remained the way they were, my wrists were a mess by themselves but my whole arm was horrid. I pulled off my jacket and felt slightly relieved that I didn't have to feel it rubbing against my arm any more but I was terrified of what Wren was going to think about my arms. One was mostly covered with burns and the other with cuts, both with bruises from my mother however. "I didn't think it was that bad" Wren gasped. "I told you it was" I barely whispered. All of a sudden I realized my music wasn't playing, phone must have died. I wrapped my wrists and put my jacket back on. Wren didn't say anything to me and we walked in silence. I hated it, Wren was never like this. He always got me out of my funk and never questioned me about my self hatred. When I got home there was 3 cop cars outside the house and an ambulance. I screamed and ran as fast as I could up to the house swinging open the door. "Mom, where are you mom, don't do this" I sobbed. Then all of a sudden I saw my mother on a stretcher being taken to the ambulance. This couldn't be happening. I ran over to one of the police officers. "What's going on, what happened to my mother" I cried. "Please, remain calm, your mother passed out from what we believe is too much alcohol consumption, we're doing everything we can, we'll be taking her to Anne Arundel Hospital" the police officer replied. "What's going to happen to me while she's in the hospital" I thought out loud. "You'll be living with any other relatives" he shrugged. "I don't have any other family" I said quietly. It was true my mother was an only child and my dad, well I didn't know much about my dad other than he wasn't a part of my family anymore. "Then go and stay with a friend" he replied bored I just nodded my head. I didn't think I had any friends after the fact that Wren had abandoned me and went home. I was going to have to stay home and fight for my own. The police officers left with my mother and her now ex boyfriend apparently, he dumped her this morning in a letter saying he was leaving. I couldn't believe this my good day was now a horrible one. I just sat down on our couch and curled up in a ball and cried, I tried calling Wren but he didn't pick up. I was alone, Wren obviously wasn't friends with me because he always picked up. After a while I fell asleep crying. When I woke back up it was 8:00 and I decided I'd turn to my only friend now, my razor blade. I took off my jacket and lifted my shirt and started to cut on the few places on my stomach I hadn't cut already. I watched as the little droplets of blood started to form around the cuts. Each cut I made in my body was deeper than the last. Eventually I passed out again dreaming about my own death. I woke up at 10:00am, I decided it was too late to go to school so I stayed home. I decided to call Justin, he was homeschooled so he shouldn't be busy. He picked up. "Hey, what's up" I sighed. "Nothing much eating, how about you" he replied bored. "Thinking about cutting" I said. "You shouldn't" was all he said. "You used to cut though" I bit back tears. "Yeah, your point" he was bored, I could hear it in his voice. "Is that all you have to say" I asked my voice cracking. "Yeah and I have to go my phones about to die" he said avoiding the conversation and hung up. I went to the fridge and grabbed a few ice cubes. I squeezed them trying to relive my pain that way, it worked for a while. Eventually the urge was getting stronger so I turned on the television and found a movie to watch to distract myself, it worked well and I ended up watching a few movies before I turned it off and feel asleep again.