I'm all alone in this world

Why me

I woke back up at 11:23pm. My stomach started to growl and I realized I hadn't eaten for two days and I was getting dizzy. I got up and decided to eat half an apple. Then I chugged a bottle of water. I set my alarm clock for 6:00am for tomorrow. I got out of bed and took a shower feeling gross. When I got out I brushed my teeth and then went to my room to change into my pajamas. I crawled into bed after that and called Wren again praying he'd talk to me. he actually picked up. "What do you want" he grumbled into the phone. I heard a girl in the background giggling. "I always turn to you when I'm sad, I was hoping you could help me like always" I said choosing my words carefully. "Well I'm busy and I'm not in the mood to deal with your problems right now" he was being harsh. "Wren what's going on you're not acting like you, what's wrong" I trembled. "You know what's wrong, you can't fight for yourself, you always turn to me acting like I know what to do, but it's not my life it's yours" he spat. I went to reply but he hung up. All of a sudden I realized who he was acting like, my mother. He was intoxicated probably about to bang some girl unknowingly. I sighed and curled up in a ball promising myself to make it to tomorrow. I woke up to my alarm clock at 6:00 and did my usual got in the shower, brushed my teeth, and slipped on some rubber braclets, I had left my good wraps at school. Only today I decided to put on makeup. I put on a deep red lipstick and black and gray eyeshadow, then I gave myself the butterfly curl thing with eyeliner. I put on light blush and covered my bruise with foundation. I looked half decent today. I left my house at 6:50 and knocked on Wrens door. He opened it tiredly wearing only plaid pajama pants and no shirt. "Hey Me-woah your wearing makeup" he said grinning. He invited me inside and we walked up to his room. The next thing I knew he started to undress and I let out a tiny gasp. "Oh my god sorry I forgot you were here" he said pulling on a pair of sweats and a black shirt on. I sat down on his bed halfway through his process. "So what happened last night" I asked him quietly. "I don't remember, all I remember is someone handing me funky tasting orange juice after school and I think some party" he said rubbing his head, "why". "I think you banged someone" I said quietly not telling him about him hurting me. "Oh" he grumbled sitting down next to me. "Did anything else happen, did I hurt anyome" he asked. "I wasn't there, so I don't know" I lied turning away. "You're lying" I can hear it in your voice. I sighed, "you hurt me" I said turning back to look him in the eyes. he looked at me as if he had just ran over a puppy. I was expecting him to give me a hug but instead I felt his lips being pressed against mine. It was such a gentle kiss, I kissed him back not knowing what else to do. Our lips starting gliding and moving in sync with each others. I felt his hands make their way to my lower back and mine to the back of his neck, he pulled me closer to him. I didn't know what I was doing I had a boyfriend and I didn't feel this way about Wren. All of a sudden I felt his tounge enter my mouth and I pulled back, I couldn't do this. "What's wrong" he asked. I felt the warmth of his breath against my face. "I can't do this, I have a boyfriend" I said quietly. "Who doesn't love you" he urged. I dropped my arms from his neck and placed on his knee, the other on one of his hands taking it off of my back softly, he took his other hand off getting the point. "I know he doesnt" I sighed. "Then why do you stay with him if he doesn't care about you, why don't you feel the same way about me" he frowned. "I don't know I guess I feel like that's what I deserve, someone who could care less if I'm crying no matter how often I'm there for him, I don't feel the same about you because you deserve someone so much better, someone you know who will still be here tomorrow and the next day" I sighed honestly. "Just one more kiss then" he said accepting I didn't feel the same way, only I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same after this. I turned my whole body towards him crossing my legs on his bed. He motioned for me to sit on his lap instead so I did, it felt uncomfortable sitting opposite and turning my whole body to face him though so I got up and turned around so I was pressed up closer to him as we were sitting on his bed no legs hanging off. Then all of a sudden I felt something get hard and warm from under my bum. We hadn't started to kiss yet but Wren had started to lay me down so he was on top of me. I was fine with this as long as it didn't lead anywhere. Then we started to kiss again him on top of me with a boner and me on the bottom kissing back. I felt one of his hands go up the back of my shirt and the other pressed lightly on my stomach. We continued to kiss and he stuck his tounge in my mouth again only this time I allowed it and it tasted like rum, not much of it, he must have tried to drink away the look of my arms. I realized I shouldn't be kissing a drunk person but from experience I knew if I stopped I could be hurt, I didn't understand why he was acting like him still though. Fear shot through me as I felt him start to unclip my bra. I broke from the kiss as fast as possible. "I'm not ready" I replied panicked. All of a sudden I felt a sudden feeling of remembrance. When I had first started to date Justin he had started to touch me even though I wasn't ready but I didn't want to loose him back then, I was 12 back then. He was 14 and had moved too fast for me. I was scared for life because Justin had managed to get me to feel his balls when I thought it was his hand. I remembered backing into the wall terrified as he laughed. I snapped back into reality dealing with my drunk seductive friend. "We have to get to school" I said searching for an excuse. "True" he replied frowning. I guess he had just started to drink before I got here and that's why he was only now starting to act out. We walked downstairs leaving the house at 7:12. Once we were out of view of his house I felt his hand make his way into my back pocket and he gave my butt a squeeze. I wasn't enjoying this at all. I pulled his hand out of my pocket and placed it around my waist hoping I wouldn't get an angry outburst from him. "Why'd you move my arm" he glared. "I felt more comfortable this way" I said unsure of what to do. "Fine" he mumbled. Half way to school he started to sober up. "What are we-hey you're wearing makep, the lips are a little smudged though" he said rubbing his face. He looked down at his hand to see a smeared line of red lipstick on his hand. "Mel, what happened" he asked terrified. "You tried to have sex with me" I replied fighting tears. "Oh" was all he managed to say. "Did we you know" he said trailing off. "No I stopped you but you had your hand in my back pocket for a while which distressed me a lot and you unclip led my bra earlier" I said. He didn't say anything. "What do you remember" I asked. "Your arm from yesterday and trying to forget it, that's it" he replied. I sighed knowing he was going to start ignoring me again. He dropped his arm from my waist and took a small step away from me. I winced at the fact he stepped away from me. Why was everything spiraling downhill for me.