Sparkle (KOTLC) {Completed}

18

When Janessa got back to Quinlin's apartment, she found Amy hard at work, poring over papers and more focused than JJ ever wanted to see her. Part of her wanted to be proud of the girl who had so readily accepted her as a sister, but she could only picture the happy girl she'd known before she was kidnapped, before everything turned bad. 

As she thought this, she forced herself to think only about the happy, lighthearted prank she'd pulled with Keefe and Ro. Ro, who was her biggest fear but somehow managed to snap her out of her head by calling her a sissy. 

It was a vulnerable realization to understand, though she wouldn't have been able to put into words the feeling it gave her. Dex really was right, Keefe had been happier when she showed up, and she was less scared too. Although her heart felt raw and easily breakable, it felt real too. Like a world of grey had suddenly burst into colour that hurt to look at, but was so beautiful you could tear up looking at it.

"So, how's the search going, Amy?" No running away. Janessa reminded herself as she felt the urge to leave her younger sister be.

Amy startled at the noise, her head whipping over to look at her. Livvy also raised her head to look at the white-haired girl skeptically.

"Don't worry, Physic. I feel a lot better, and I'm not gonna try to convince you to let me help. For now at least."  Janessa felt something in her chest relax as she said that. She really didn't need to help — she could, for the first time, just focus on herself instead of spreading herself thin to do an adult's job. She didn't need to save everyone, at least not all the time. She could just do right by her friends and by herself.

Physic raised an eyebrow, unsure at her sudden change, having always been a girl who's on top of things, studying or researching for the Black Swan and never taking a break. "Really?"

Janessa nodded, her eyes embodying the 'gateway to the soul' in their openness and emotion. "Mr Forkle was right, I don't know if he thinks about it the same way I am, but I... have a lot to think about and fix just within myself before I'll be any help to you guys."

Livvy's expression softened to a sad pride. "That's very mature of you, JJ. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself."

"Thanks. So... how have things been over here? Any luck?" Janessa did her best to smile, though she could feel a wave of exhaustion coming on from the prolonged vulnerability.

"Meh, not much." Amy said disappointedly. "Just boring reading, and more reading." Amy then perked up, looking at Janessa slyly. "Hey! You were hanging out with that guy that Sophie likes, right?"

Janessa chuckled. "Well, Sophie hasn't confirmed anything yet, but I think she does. Or at least, I'm rooting for him over Fitz."

"I don't know, they're both cute." Amy disagreed. "And Fitz seems like a real Prince Charming."

Smiling, Janessa shook her head "I guess I'm a bit biased, since I like Keefe better, no offence to Fitz, but I think they'd make a great match."

Amy nodded, squinting at her sister. "And, so, who do you like then? I didn't get to see you talking to everyone that much."

Something flashed through Janessa's mind, but she shook it away too quickly to process it. "No one, really. I'm happy just being friends with all of them."

"Well then, who do you like the best 'platonically'?" Amy asked, putting bunny ears around 'platonically'. Janessa rolled her eyes.

"Well, Keefe, Biana, and Dex are the people I'm closest too, I guess. Linh too, but I haven't seen her as much." Janessa said, trying to make it clear she was talking about friends in her tone.

"And you've never thought about dating any of them?" Amy pressed. Janessa felt her cheeks start to burn.

Livvy then cut in, the two girls having forgotten she was there. "You were pretty cozy with Biana on the couch, and I did see Dex blushing at one point."

Janessa's cheeks were bright red by then. "No! I mean, I used to have a small crush on Keefe, but we cleared that up and are better as friends. That's it! I'm just friends with them!"

Amy turned to Livvy, though, curiously. "So... is two girls like normal with you guys? Cuz it's a pretty big thing in the human world, like a lot of stigma and stuff."

Livvy nodded. "Oh yeah, I remember hearing about that. Yeah, no most of the stigma in the Lost Cities is just about ability and legacy. Other than that, people don't care that much, even if it's not that common."

"Huh." Amy noted, both impressed and flabbergasted, before turning back on Janessa, eyebrows raised and lips curling into a smirk. "So, you used to like Keefe, huh? And you're sure you don't have a crush on the others, not even the two Livvy mentioned?"

Janessa huffed, fighting down her blush. "I haven't thought about it, and I won't think about it until I'm fully settled back here, same way I won't be helping with Black Swan business. It's just as bad to rush into a relationship when you're unstable as it is to overwork yourself, maybe more because you hurt the other person too."

"Isn't it bad to hide from your feelings though, and their feeling too?" Amy commented. 

Janessa pressed her lips together. There's that word again. Hide. This wasn't the same thing though, she's just postponing something until she's ready. It's the same. Exactly the same. Janessa huffed, deciding if she wasn't going to hide, she would stick to that decision in everything.

"Fine, I guess if I had to say, Biana has made comments about me and Dex as a couple multiple times, but I don't really know how I really feel about it, especially since he's another one in love with Sophie. Biana... I think she's just a best friend to me, well, more than that, but platonically, and besides, if I were to be into a girl in the group, it would probably be Linh, but again, I have no idea." As she began talking, Janessa found herself thinking aloud and realizing that, though she hadn't acknowledge it before, everything she said was true. Back when they'd first met, JJ had admired Linh a lot more than the other girls, and felt a pull towards her she'd attributed only to her control over her ability. And there was no denying that Janessa and Dex had great chemistry, it was only a question of whether it was platonic or romantic. 

Amy and Livvy shared a knowing look, chuckling under their breath. "You seem to be taking this pretty seriously, JJ. Let us know the final verdict." Physic commented.

"Yeah, give me the gossip. We'll have that sister sleepover with Sophie and I can be like your matchmaker." Amy said excitedly.

The smile on her younger sister's face was contagious, so Janessa couldn't help but laugh a little too. "I'll do my best, Amy, master of love."