Under My Skin

~ Chapter Sixteen ~

"Blame"

Kieran's POV ~

"You killed my daughter!" He blamed striking Athalia in the face. "Ahhhh!" She cried out holding the side of her head. It was bleeding from the brass knuckles he had on. I ran over pulling her body behind mine.

"She would've lived if it wasn't for you!" He screamed. "Don't touch my sister!" I hollered back. I tried to put on an intimidating look like my father does. "Grandpa please stop!" Athalia sobbed. "Shut up! I'm not your grandpa!" He made known lunging at us.

I shoved Athalia off to the side, my body being taken to the ground by his. He began beating me severely. "Athalia run!" I warned in a frightened tone. My grandfather removed his belt standing above me.

"You made me this monster." He spat swinging the belt down onto my bare back. He held his foot on my head keeping it to the floor while he repeatedly whipped me. My sister had run off to get away while I took the beating.

My back red, bruised, and beginning to bleed. "Grandpa stop it!" I pleaded. It only made him whip with more force. I had tears streaming down my puffy,red, chubby cheeks as a 9 year old me lyes on the ground in defeat. "No!" I tried again.

"No!" I let out. "Please stop! No!" I begged. I felt hands on my shoulders, shaking me. "No!" I tried again. "Kieran! Stop it's me! It's Scorpius!" I opened my eyes. My breathing slowing slightly.

"Fuck...man I'm sorry." I rubbed my eyes. "It's fine, it's been awhile since you've done that." He reminded me. I nodded my head, standing from my bed and turning around in the mirror hanging up.

The scars still evident on my back. No matter how many tattoos I got to cover them, they were still there. I squeezed my eyes shut. "You didn't deserve what he did to you...you know that?Don't you?" Scorpius questioned.

I stayed silent in a thinking manner. "He wasn't wrong though." I remarked. "Yes he was, your mother died from being stabbed." He argued. "Yeah, trust me I know." I scoffed pulling down the bandage on my hand to show him the scar. He rolled his eyes lying back on my bed.

"Hey Kie, why'd you wrap up your arm?" He questioned. I froze, looking down at my arm. "While I was in the woods a branch sliced it open." I quickly stated. "Let's just go back to bed, okay?" Scor suggested, I agreed. Settling back in my bed, getting comfortable.

"Ew what's on your back?" Heather wondered. "Scars, they've been there for years." I awkwardly cracked a smile. She only rolled her eyes. "Could you like...put your shirt back on. It's grossing me out." She seemed disgusted. And so I did.

Then the dream changed.

"Kieran...why would you do this?" Ember asked me, taking my hands in hers. "Everything's my fault, my body's gross. I have scars everywhere." She teared up pulling me into a tight comforting hug. "You're beautiful, every inch of you is beautiful. No matter how many scars you get. They show your struggles and they show how strong you are Kieran. Don't let anyone, and I mean anyone make you feel like what you have on your body isn't art. Your body is your story."

Then she left and it went to another memory.

"God Riddle you are such a sob story...just like your tragic mother." The boys laughed at me. I was on the ground my nose bleeding and hands scraped. "No wonder you never take your shirt off. That shits freaky." He spoke. I wanted to cry but if I did it would just give them another reason to make fun of me.

Why does it keep changing?

"God Kieran! Why do you always have to be such a fuckup?" Olivia screamed. "I wasn't trying to make you mad I- I just love you!" Next thing I knew she slapped me. "How could I ever love anyone like you Kieran? Have you seen yourself? Your scars?" I looked at her with glassed over eyes. "I don't understand...I thought you wanted me to love you?" My voice broke. "I found someone better who's body doesn't make me want to vomit."

The door slammed and I was back with Ember.

"You're so unique Kieran." I looked away from her wiping my eyes. "Hey look at me-" she turned my head back. "Don't let people treat you like this. You don't deserve this! If only people could see what I do..." her lips formed a gentle smile.

I'm home?

"Kieran! You expect me to be okay with this?" Aunt Ginny reposted. "I just caught you cutting yourself!" She reminded me. "Why are you doing that?" If only my answer was that easy to explain. "Because on the inside it hurts." I remember 13 year old me answering truthfully. "Everything hurts kid, grow up."

I always hated her for that.

"You're worth every Cent, dollar, and diamond in the world. Athalia knows it, your father knows it, I know it. So why can't you?" I don't know.

Not this.

"Merlin Ember when will you learn to mind your own business?" I yelled. "I'm sorry! I wanted to see if you were okay!" She told me. "No that's bullshit! You only want attention! Your mommy issues are that bad that you have to come to me everytime you feel worthless! Well guess what Emmy? You are worthless." I scoffed. She was silent.

We were only 14.

"You don't mean that Kieran." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Oh here come the waterworks! I'm sorry did I hurt your feelings Ember? Can you handle the truth? Are you too fragile?" I had slowly been pushing her away. "Just stop!" She begged. "Not everything's about you! You're selfish, so fucking selfish! It's like you crave attention so much you prey on people when their at their worsts and feed from them!" I regretted every word I said as soon as it left my mouth.

"Kieran stop this! You're just upset! What Hailey said wasn't true! You are good enough!" She really just wanted to help. "But you aren't, Ember. You aren't worth shit. And you never will be. Just like your mother, you'll never be anything. Just one of our shadows because we're actually important." She ran away in tears.

Then I woke up with tears in my eyes. I always blamed her for our falling out as friends. I never knew why I blamed her but I do now.

Because I couldn't blame myself and she wouldn't let me blame myself.