Painting the Hueless Sky (La Carlota #4)

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(Trigger warning: Mention of Suicide. Abuse. Rape. Feel free to skip.)

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

"Happy birthday, princess.. We should go home, don't you think?"

I shook my head and looked at the photo of Criane blankly. I feel.. Nothing but emptiness. I wish someone would pinch me. Sana may magsabi sa 'kin na mali ako. I hope someone pours cold water on me.

"T-Thank you, Mommy.. " I whispered. She patted my back and pulled me to her chest. "I-I'm not happy, Mom.. " pagtatapat ko. I gulped and just looked at the photo of Criane smiling.

She was so happy. I have no idea what went wrong.. Where, when, how come I didn't notice?

"She's in a better place now," she consoled me in her shaking voice. I nodded. Wala nang luhang pumapatak mula sa mga mata ko. My mind was so blank.

Kahit ilang beses sabihin sa 'kin ng mga tao na okay si Criane, how sure am I? She's.. Not here to confirm that her self. She's not here anymore because she was not okay and I have.. Been neglectful about her feelings.

"I-I hope she is," I dampened my chapped lips. My eyes grew heavy and parched. I want to sleep. "You can go home, Mommy.. You don't have to be here with me all night.. " I smiled at her.

Nginitian niya rin ako't pinasadahan ng kamay niya ang pisnge ko. "Will be here for you, baby.. " she kissed me. "We're here for Criane.. "

I weakly curled my lips up. Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa harapan. It's her second night.. Tomorrow will be the last day for people to be here. The cold and lonely urn was on the table filled with flowers.

There was her picture. Maraming bulaklak sa paligid, may mga nagro-rosary, umiiyak, nagsusumamo. See? She's.. This kind to people. That they're here for her. I looked around, there are flower arrangements everywhere.

Some ribbon says it's from the HRM department, Priston-Law, her law school block, from Priston itself, and VAWC team. May mga family names na hindi ako pamilyar. But there struck me.. The most beautiful arrangement that is there is from..

Lennox Sibal.

I looked away. He never went inside, palaging nasa labas lang siya. I asked him why but he won't answer. He's in a state of shock, hindi maka-usap, hindi kumakain. He's functionless.

"M-Mommy.. It was my fault," I cried again. My heart ached and closed my eyes. Guilt's eating me up..

"No.. " she hummed me. "It was none of your fault, alright? Criane won't want you to think that way.. You know her more than anyone else," she patted my back. "Do you want to eat out at least?"

I shook my head. "N-No.. I will be here for Criane, Mommy.. You should go home.. "

"Are you sure you're okay here?" she asked. Her voice's growing tired. It's ten in the evening so I understand.. I gave her a nod. "We have prepared dinner for your birthday, anak.. "

"I'm not going home, Mommy.. I am sorry.. " I sucked on my lower lip. "I can't celebrate birthdays.. I can't do it," I smiled to myself.

Hearts day, my birthday, I don't.. Want to remember this day anymore.

"Where is Kyne anyway?" malumanay niyang tanong. Tinignan ko siya habang pilit niyang inaayos ang buhok ko.

Kyne.. "He went here earlier, he's.. Earning his license, Mommy, few more hours.. "

"Okay.. I will leave you here, text or call me for anything, Eleanor.. " ani Mommy. Tumango ako't hinalikan ang pisnge niya. "I love you.. Happy birthday," she murmured. I watched her leave.