Painting the Hueless Sky (La Carlota #4)

31

"Are you sure you don't want to move to Washington? I think it'll be better if you stay there, princess.. "

I looked out my apartment and shook my head. Everything's settled here so I don't think I would want to move out pa. Maayos na ang mga gamit ko.. I got accepted at a job.. Kailangan ko nalang pagtuonan ng pansin ang license ko.

"I'm good here, I don't find it necessary for me to move when I'm already settled here in Philadelphia, Mom," I sighed. I played with my empty mug and looked back at my iPad's screen. Mom's shoulders dropped.

"I just think it's better if it'll be in Washington or in New York.. Chance will be moving to the states this coming term, too.. Kaya sana gusto ko ay malapit siya sa iyo para nababantayan niyo ang isa-"

"I don't want anyone guarding me, Mom.. Hindi na po ako bata," singhal ko. "Plus, Chance's in college already, ayaw niya ring may magbabantay sa kaniya I'm sure.. He's a grown up."

"I'm just worried, princess.. "

"I know, Mommy.. You just need to trust me on this one, alright? I will.. Text you once I really do need help.. " I took small bites of my lips. "I-I need to go home, you need to sleep din.. It's night time there.. Good night, Mommy," I forcefully smiled.

She sighed and nodded. "O-Okay.. Text me once you need help, 'wag kang magtitipid.. Just use your cards, I miss you already.. Mommy's going to be there next month again, okay? I love you.. "

I nodded. "Okay, Mommy.. Thank you, love you, too.. Ingat ka riyan, I miss you, too." ani ko bago tuluyang binabaan siya ng tawag.

I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes intently. It's.. Just been a month since I left Dayang for good.. Hindi ko lubos na inakala na darating 'yong panahon na.. Aalis talaga ako sa lugar na 'yon.

When I was a kid I thought of nothing but loving and serving that place 'til I get wrinkly. Pero hindi pala ganoon ang mangyayari. Right after college graduation, I left La Carlota to migrate to the States.

I couldn't bear the following months that I had to endure seeing Kyne's face everywhere, with flowers and explanations on his heart. Explanations that's useless to me now. Just seeing him stand before me reminds me of the cheating..

Of the pain. Of Criane's death.. Of the things we did and lost. So I had to choose. And I chose to leave. Hindi ko kayang manatilis sa Dayang nang 'di ko naalala kung paano nila trinaydor si Criane.

How they left her in the ruins.

Months had passed.. But the pain is still fresh. Still bleeding and throbbing. Ang sakit pa ring isipin na sa isang iglap lang lahat ng akala kong akin dati, kinuha na ngayon. The life that people used to envy from me is now gone.

I really thought I can just obtain my wants as soon as I say it out loud.. Pero ilang beses ko nang hiniling sa kawalan na sana nandito si Criane. I have wished a million times that.. It was just a dream that he had cheated on me.. Pero hindi naman nangyari.

The universe didn't give me what I want and even if I work hard for it every day of my life it would still be impossible.

Huminga ako nang malalim at sinara ang iPad case, I stood up to grab my things so I can leave for school already.. I have decided to pursue environment-related work, still. Though to be able to fully work I need to take an examination and pass it.

Most of the times I wonder how my dreamy life turned into this achromatic one. The things I used to enjoy.. Have lost its charm on me. Huminga ako nang malalim at mahigpit na hinawakan ang payong ko.