burning poems

two

if I'd never met you,
I wouldn't feel the pain of losing your sweet love;
I wouldn't feel insane

"mommy, me and mama are matching" Nora giggles over facetime, I gasp and tell her to show me.

"mama let mommy see us" she says pulling Jess into the screen and smiles big.

"you guys look beautiful baby" I tell her, Jess smiles and continues what she was doing before Nora takes the phone to her face.

"me and mama are on a date" she whispers into the mic before giggling making me laugh.

"really? that's so nice, what are you eating?" she shows me her chicken nuggets while sitting down and starts eating.

"okay, I am going to leave now baby, continue eating and behave for mama" I tell her, she nods and waves before I can hang up Jesse takes her phone.

"do you want us to bring you something to eat?" she asks raising an eyebrow.

"that would be nice but I'm at my mama's house" I tell her making her nod.

"we will bring you guys all something, don't worry" she tells me and hangs up.

but if I'd never met you,
I wouldn't know the pleasure
of ecstasy's warm gifts
and memories to treasure

"how is it going with you guys?" Claudia asks as I blankly stare at the screen, I look up at her and shrug.

"there's no us. our relationship is purely co-parenting, nothing more, nothing less" I tell her while picking my nails.

"and you're happy with that?" she asks sitting next to me.

"for the most part, it could be worse. I could be parenting alone, so I will take what I can get" I shrug.

"you think you guys will get back together?"

"I don't know. I don't think she would do that to herself again, I have hurt her more than you guys know and I think a part of me won't let her get back with me" I shrug.

"plus it's been almost three years, if we were going to get together. we would have by now" I add, she keeps quiet and nods this time.

now moving on with life,
I force a wistful grin,
questioning I could ever be forgiven,
wondering what might have been,
if I had stayed loyal.

I force a smile as Jesse gets along with my mom, laughing and smiling together. it's crazy how easily we can take things for granted.

it's moments like these I wish I had payed attention too while we're in a relationship, I wish I had noticed how well she is with my parents. she's probably their favorite person I have ever dated.

instead I was sitting here thinking about the next meet up with someone I had promised to broke up with her for.

crazy.

"mommy" I feel Nora call out for me, I look down at her as her tiny hand comes up to my face and wipe away the tear that had escaped.

"there, mommy is all pwetty" she grin making me chuckle, "thank you baby" I say picking her up to my lap.

"mommy grandma say that I pwetty" she says smiling big, "you are very pretty baby" I tell her making her smile widen.

"mama say that too" she giggles making me laugh and tickle her stomach, she doubles over laughing while trying to get away.

"mommy stop" I laugh and stop while fixing her clothes, she jumps off my lap and runs to my mom with her short legs.

"she's so cute" Claudia says making me laugh and nod.

"she is, kind of want another one but nope, it was hell at first" I laugh while shaking my head.