burning poems

nine

Alone in my head,
I'm feeling so low,
You wont understand,
No one can know.

Jesse lays there in bed staring at nothing specific, staring up at the ceiling. it's been hours and days since she dropped off her daughter.

only to see Billie getting cozy with her clone.

she seriously couldn't tell you what she was feeling.

I mean as wrong it's it may sound, was Billie really that desperate? that she went out to get comfortable from someone who looked exactly like her?

she couldn't be.

at the end of the day, if she really loved and wanted Jesse. she wouldn't have cheated.

My eyes are so tired,
I can't sleep at night,
Your face haunts my dreams,
When I turn out the light.

It feels like it's been years since she was has gotten a full night of sleep, or sleep at all.

but she hid it well seeing nobody was worried about her or nobody asked how she was doing.

it's currently 4am in the morning and with a sigh she gets up to clean around the apartment, she always tries to lighten up and clean before she can have her daughter for a week.

but as soon as she drops off Nora, the blinds and curtains are closed and it's back to not leaving the bed.

It happened so suddenly,
It happened so fast,
I knew all at once,
That none of this would last.

She should have known something was up as soon as Billie starting acting weird.

constantly on her phone.

constantly leaving for meetings.

the list goes on and she should have known then but she was blinded by love. she was too blinded and excited to have bought a house for them and having plans for their future.

Was I just a game?
Was this all just for fun?
Did my feelings matter?

she was so close to proposing but she's grateful she didn't get to.

the lies wouldn't have stopped.

till this day her heart feels heavy, it still hurts till this day but she has a good distraction.

she's grateful for her daughter.

I held my head high,
As I walked by your side,
Tears welling up,
I was dying inside.

she hold myself together every time, putting on a fake smile for everyone.

it hurts, it really hurts having to see the one person you were ready to settle for almost everyday but you can't feel that love for them for your own sanity.

Weeks passed,
Keeping secrets, telling lies,

she should have noticed when our Friday nights started being canceled.

when Billie picked more fights.

anyone could have told her Billie has been cheating but she would have never believed it, can you blame her?

who would throw away a three year relationship just like that?

Deep down inside,
I know it's my fault,
So I'm just going to lock it,
Away in my vault.

maybe if she had loved Billie a little harder. maybe she wouldn't have cheated.

but what's done is done and she will continue to blame herself for not being able to keep Billie around long enough.

Sometimes I still think of you,
When I'm lying in bed,
Still all alone,
Inside of my head.