burning poems

three

if raindrops were tears
and it rained everyday.
the rain couldn't wash
my heartache away.

"you're ready to go?" I nod and send Jess a small smile, I pick up Nora while Jesse gets her bags and leads us out of the house making sure to lock the doors behind us.

"are you excited to go to the zoo?" I ask Nora making her nod quickly while I put her in her car seat.

"I wanna watch frozen mommy" I hear Nora say as Jesse starts the car, I sigh and take out my phone but Jess hands over hers.

"say thank you" I tell her but she was already gone and watching the movie.

you're still my ideal;
my love never dies,
but it cuts to the bone-
what I see in your eyes.

"do do do do" I watch as Jesse and Nora sing together while dancing, they are putting on a performance for the monkeys.

"come dance mommy" she says pulling me beside her and dance with her, "do do do do" she giggles shaking her hips side to side.

she giggles louder looking at the monkeys sitting looking at us, "come on monkey" she pouts when they don't do anything at all and looks up at us but we both shrug.

"let's go get something to eat" Jesse says taking her hand, I take nora's other hand as we walk around looking for something we want.

"what do you want to eat baby?" I ask her, she indicates for me to pick her up and points at a pancake stand, "pancakes"

we get her pancakes and get spiced tacos for ourselves before taking a seat on a bench.

you want me to stop;
you want to be friends,
but you'll be my true love
until breath and life ends.

"Billie" my eyes widen a bit as I hear the voice and slowly look up at the man I cheated on Jess with.

my eyes flicker to Jess across me to see her glance up at him and go back to eat with Nora. I look up at him and give him a look.

I know he's not here with good intentions.

"how are you?" I give him a tight smile and keep my answer short so he can move on, "I was just thinking about you the other day and I thought maybe we could hangout and catch up sometime" he says.

"I blocked you for a reason, I don't want anything to do with you and I know you can see that I am with my family right now" I tell him.

"aight whatever man but if you need me, you have my number. maybe we can chill like the old days" he winks and walks away.

I roll my eyes and turn back to eat, "I'm sorry" I apologize to Jess who looks at me with a unreadable expression.

"it ain't got nothing to do with me, you don't need to apologize" she shrugs it off making me want to scream at her.

sometimes I just wish she could scream and shout but that's not who she is. the day she found out all she said was 'i understand' with tears streaming down her face.

it eats me up because I could see she was hurting but she said nor did anything. sometimes I just want her to scream or slap me or something just so I can feel some other feeling besides guilt.

but that's not who she is.

question is. am I yours?