burning poems

eight

Last night I had a dream,
We were walking hand in hand,
On a deserted island beach,
Over endless miles of sand.

which is why I feel like a asshole as I lay in bed right now, in the arms of someone I met in less than 24 hours.

I bumped into her at the coffee shop down the street and she immediately brought me comfort due to how similar she is to Jess.

her walk, the way she talks, the way she dresses.

they're so much alike.

although I'd rather not think about her name because it is sounds nothing like jesse's name.

I've always been an asshole though. I know it.

but it doesn't mean I feel any less bad as I lay in her arms imagining it was Jesse instead as she talks about god knows what, I'm imagining Jesse talking about what she has in plan for our future like old times.

although her persona is nothing like Jesse. as she talks now, she sounds like an absolute asshole and Jesse is not.

she's the most welcoming person.

"I'm going to take a shower" I tell her leaving without a word. I stand staring at the mirror for what feels like forever, just picking and pinching at everything I don't like on myself.

I haven't felt pretty in years.

it's not a great feeling.

I let out a sigh and wash my face before changing my clothes and exit the bathroom to Jesse in the kitchen staring at the girl making herself at home.

I feel myself freeze up as Jesse looks at me and back at the girl before licking her lips, "uh I'm going to drop Nora off at your moms and you can go get her whenever you're ready" she tells me.

she doesn't wait for a response before walking out the door making my shoulders slump as my tears well up when it hits me how messed up it is.

"get out of my house" I tell her as she sits on the counter eating an apple, "get out of my house" I repeat louder.

"damn relax pretty girl, you invited me over. call me when you don't have your panties in a bunch" she says forcefully kissing me before walking out the door with her keys.

immediately as she closes the door I allow myself to break down.

I can't seem to catch a break but it's my fault.

it's always my fault.