burning poems

ten

Anyone can tell you they love you.
Anyone can flatter you and tell you you're beautiful.
Anyone can make you smile and happy.
Anyone can promise you the world

It's bullshit isn't it?

life truly is a lie.

look at me now laying naked on my bed alone after a man who has a family came to me and confessed his love for me.

I knew it was a lie but I still gave him my body, it felt good to be wanted for those first few seconds.

I really am desperate and it shows.

my body count has raised so high within the years, I don't feel like myself. I don't feel like my heart is connected with my body.

my heart always tells me not to do anything with all the people that come around but my mind tells me I need it.

temporary comfort.

unless they are touching you against your will, which seems like it's all they are doing these days.

I'm truly disgusted by myself.

my body is always so purple and blue, it's so sensitive to everything. I've lost an unhealthy amount of weight.

I really don't want to be here but I gotta do it for my daughter because lord knows I would hate life if my mom were to leave me behind in this world.

Jesse.

her biggest fear is someone close committing without her seeing the signs. I'm the mother of her kid, I can't do that to her.

she's seen her mom dying in front of her and that destroyed her.

I can't do that to her.

You're the one I can't live without.
This fact is true, I have no doubt.
I love the way you smile at me.

Jesse makes me feel alive.

she always made sure I eat, made sure she baths me whenever I am feeling low. she truly loved me and I believe it.

I know it.

I stare at the slice of toast with no emotion whatsoever. how much I really want it because I would love it but my mind and body won't let me.

I can feel jesse's eyes on me.

she came over to check on me but I believe it was my mom's orders.

she dressed me and cleaned me up and made me a slice of toast to get something in my body.

"how about I feed you little by little?" she asks taking a seat next to me, she takes the place and breaks it up before offering me a piece.

we silently sit there as she feeds the piece of toast little by little before she smiles at me widely, "I'm proud of you" she tells me making me let out a small smile.

she's proud of me. that's all I need to know.