Waiting For Us [COMPLETED]

chapter 39 - us

Grayson:

It took everything in me not to cry when I laid out all of my feelings for her.

When she stood up from the swing and walked away from me, I thought she was going to leave completely. I thought that because I told her I used those girls as a distraction from her, she would think of me as some messed-up person. I forced myself to remain where I was at the swing-set as she walked away. If she decided to leave, I would have let her. That's what you do when you love someone; you put their needs before your own.

Talia turned back around to me then, and all I could feel was relief. I could see her brilliant mind piecing everything together. The fact that she was making sense of my messy feelings gave me hope that she wouldn't brush me aside.

She understood my deep-rooted problems with Carter. She understood why I call her daisy. She understood my love for the color green—especially when it's worn by her. It physically pained me that she was crying the whole time, but her knowing everything took the giant weight off my mind.

Now, I hold the woman I love tightly in my arms, afraid to let her go.

I can't tell if she has stopped crying based on the way she's nestled into my chest. Occasionally, I brush my hand across her back or kiss the top of her head, both actions to remind myself she's still here. With me.

Talia pulls a foot away from me a moment later, keeping her arms around my torso and looking up at me. I use my thumb to erase the blemishes from the tears that fell down her face. She leans into my hand and I nearly breakdown from that movement alone. A movement of affection. It takes a lot of effort to force words out of my mouth.

"Are you upset I didn't tell you everything before?" I ask in a low voice.

She takes my hand from her face and holds it in front of us, rubbing her thumb along it like I would do for her. She shakes her head with an attempt at a smile. "No," Talia says. "I mean, in some ways, yes. I think it hurts me more to know that you let yourself be in this much pain over me. I've basically haunted you."

I try lying. "You didn't haunt me—"

"I did, Grayson." She sucks in a breath and my heart breaks. Her voice is shaky as she says, "It's my fault."

"Stop, Talia," I state. I wipe away one of the tears that escapes from her closed eyes and kiss her forehead. "Look at me." When she opens her red eyes, all I can think about is the pain I'm causing her. "You're not allowed to blame yourself for my problems. It was my choice to keep everything to myself, so don't overthink this to make it seem like it's your fault. I would torture myself all over again if it meant you would eventually fall in love with me on your own terms."

We never break eye contact during my small speech, and I can only hope that she believes what I'm saying. The hint of a smile at her lips gives me hope.