More Than Love (NG3)

4 - Waiting

A week had gone by since Laney mailed a letter to her birth mother. The feelings inside her churned. One minute she wanted to meet her and the next she wanted to forget the whole thing. The post office had returned the letter Skylar sent to her mother. To complicate the situation, Laney felt awful, because she could receive a response when Skylar was the one with the longing to meet her birth mother.

Laney sighed and put down her paintbrush. After they received their bio-moms' names from the adoption agency, the sisters searched Facebook. It disappointed Skylar not to find her mother. Laney found a page for Sasha Davis's jewelry. Her mother was an artist who made beautiful pieces. There was one picture of Sasha. Laney had studied it, looking for similarities in their features. They both had honey hair, but Laney's eyes were blue and the other woman's looked brown. She had to be young when she gave birth, because she still looked youthful. Their noses were different, but Skylar said their smiles were the same.

Her belly felt like a blender on pulse. To finally, see a person who looked like her brought comfort she hadn't known she lacked. Her artistic talent had defined her throughout her life. Even in her early grades, her art teachers noticed. To understand where her gift came from was surreal. It was something she had always wondered about.

She studied the picture for far too long. It was easy to feel sympathetic for a young girl who chose not to raise her child. Laney wanted to thank her for making what she hoped was a tough decision. As far as Laney was concerned, it was the right decision. She loved her family.

Neither girl received information about their fathers. Had her father cared for Sasha? Did he know he had a child? Who was he? She was born in a hospital in Boston, but Sasha lived in Maine, near a beautiful beach. Laney knew because she googled it. She saw the cute cottage with wind chimes hanging from the porch. As she searched the area, her fingers itched to paint.

Laney sat across the table from Skylar and Hari. Their parents sat at either end of the dining room table. The window was open and the sounds of children playing floated in with the fresh spring air. There had been a rain shower earlier, so the scent was ode to mud. It wasn't unpleasant at all.

They had been discussing little Anjay's recovery. Paul Sherman looked at his eldest daughter.

"Sky, are you feeling okay?"

Skylar looked up from her plate as Hari reached over and put his arm around his wife.

She nodded. "I'm just disappointed."

Laney cringed. She wanted to protect their parents from the details of the bio-mom search. Skylar never kept secrets. She usually told Laney about her birthday present. With Skylar, life lacked surprises. Good thing Hari didn't mind, because Sky told him she loved him first.

Maureen said, "There must be more you can do with social media. Can't you find something online?"

Skylar shrugged. "She probably got married and changed her name."

Laney said, "The info I got has been updated. I think she's married."

Skylar pouted. "She must want to meet you. If she kept her records up to date."

Laney agreed, but felt worse for her sister. Unlike Skylar, she would feel regret but not devastation if she reached a dead end.

Maureen smiled. "I pray for both women every night. I can never thank them enough for what they have given us. You girls are our world."

Laney looked at her mother, the face of love. She was the woman who fed her in the middle of the night, bandaged her cuts, followed by a healing hug, and cried when she told her she had her first period. She supported her decision to go to art school and together they shopped for her prom dress. Someday she would need a wedding dress and Maureen Sherman was the woman for the job, not Sasha Davis, a stranger.

Hari said, "What about one of those DNA kits, babe? Don't they help people find relatives?"

Paul said, "They advertise them all the time on TV."

Skylar teased. "I thought they only advertised for Viagra and Cialis on the golf channel."

Laney said, "They advertise for balls too."

Skylar laughed and snorted. Hari said, "She means golf balls."

Maureen smiled. "It's like you girls are still in highschool acting silly."

Laney's mother had the patience of a saint while they were growing up. As an adult, she understood. They were a gift, and every day was a blessing. Being adopted had affected how she was raised. Her birth parents may not have wanted her, but her real parents did. They waited a long time for her and loved her unconditionally.

After dinner, when Skylar hugged her goodbye, she said, "I'm gonna do it, the DNA. Maybe I'll find a relative who knows her. You should message your mother."

Laney shrugged and bit her tongue. Her mother was in the kitchen. Did she want to message her? She sent a letter, and she didn't want to be pushy. It was a big deal, so Sasha might not be ready. She liked how the name sounded on her tongue. Sash-sha. Hello Sasha, you gave birth to me.

She thought of Skylar's excitement about expecting her baby. Did their mothers ever feel like that? Had she rubbed her belly and loved her growing baby? Had she held her? Maybe she resented her. The unanswered questions kept piling up. She was afraid the responses might not be what she hoped.

Laney wandered into the kitchen in time to see her mother wiping down the countertops.

"Is it all done?"

Her mother looked up and smiled, although her mouth straightened out. "What's wrong?"

Laney shook her head. The list was long, starting with why she contacted her bio-mom to Skylar's disappointment. She was content with the story she imagined - a young girl wanted to give her baby a better life. What if it was something different? Worse?

"What would you have wanted me to do if I were pregnant at seventeen or eighteen?"

Maureen sighed in relief before chuckling. She hung the damp dish towel on the oven handle to dry.

Shaking her head, she said, "I never once worried you would... Now your sister..."

Rolling her eyes, she insisted, "Hypothetical, Mom."

"I don't know the answer. The right answer would be to make a childless couple happy. To me, that's the most selfless act a mother could do. It would break my heart. It is a scenario I am glad we never faced."

Laney had been afraid of her imagined history repeating itself. In high school, she never dated. Since then she had three relationships, two while in art school and one which ended almost a year before.

Maureen sighed. "It's no secret I have a habit of giving you girls whatever you want."

Laney nodded and smiled. It was a wonder neither turned into spoiled brats. They had always paired the spoiling with opportunities to do acts of kindness. Her parents created a fragile balance between loving her too much and teaching her to have a good character.

"Darling, I would have gone along with your decision and helped. But now my focus is on my first grandchild. Inventing scenarios about the past won't move you forward. I'll be honest. Now you've contacted her, you owe it to her to respond when she does. As your mother, I can't fathom her not wanting to meet you."

"Did you meet her?" It was a question she never thought to ask.

"No, they placed you with a foster family for a few days while the paperwork was completed. With you, I had an uneasy feeling she might change her mind, perhaps because that had happened a year before. I know now this was how it was meant to be. Years change one's interpretation. I can guess your birth mother feels differently now."

Laney felt confused, but deep down she admitted her mother was right. She would follow through when and if her bio-mom responded. Part of her hesitation was she had imagined she would reply immediately.