More Than Love (NG3)

44 - Never

The sound of the generator woke Sasha. It was almost four, and the storm was raging. Over twelve hours of rain and winds meant another high tide, and the causeway was probably still underwater. The power could be off for days.

She got out of bed to use the bathroom. She hadn't slept soundly between the winds and Jake. When she opened her door, she jumped. Jake was sitting up on the sofa. Even in the dark, she could make out his sad face. A part of her wanted to ignore him and go into the bathroom and back to bed.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I know I need to forgive you."

"I take full responsibility. I thought I was putting you on the path to get everything you deserved."

His voice was soft without accusations. "I deserved a family."

"I know. For years, I assumed you had one. I didn't know your marriage failed too. I always imagined you a perfect husband."

He shook his head. "I was far from it. I don't think I ever loved her enough."

Sasha sat at the end of the sofa. If Jake was calm, she would engage. She wanted to know more about him.

"I'm sorry."

"How can you love a man you can't trust?"

"I love the man, not his actions. When I met him, I was barely existing. I lived in a hole in the wall apartment and worked as an apprentice. Davis asked me out, and I accepted the free meal. He was easy to talk to, and I was starved for affection. He brought me to meet Reed, and I felt happy for the first time since..." She shook away her happy memories. "Before long, I had a home and a family. Davis saved me. I owed him. Even his parents accepted me. They reminded me of Diane and Mark. They passed away close to each other, and I wasn't enough to take his pain away. He looked elsewhere."

"I know a little about trying to get rid of pain with sex."

"You?" Sasha stared at him, shocked.

"At school, I dated a lot, but the girls only made me miss you more."

The dam broke loose and tears dripped down her face. "I'm sorry. You must have studied, though."

"I had to succeed." He took a deep breath. "Do you remember our last night together?"

Her answer was barely audible. "Every minute."

He sat up. "You knew you were leaving?"

"No. I went home, and they had everything packed. Forced to make a choice, I made the wrong one."

"You would have gone with them?"

"No. I would have gone to your house."

He frowned. "You definitely chose wrong. I held on to that last night, afraid to lose the memory."

Sasha felt a new wave of tears. "We played the 'when we're 30' game." She let out a half chuckle. "We thought thirty was so old."

"You said, when I was thirty, I'd be a famous scientist who made the world a better place."

"And you said we'd lived in a house with our two kids. I wanted to tell you, but I was so afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Of my father and our future. I wanted you to succeed."

"I tried, but I had a stupid dream that if I succeeded, you'd come back when we were thirty. I was so dumb."

Sasha leaned over and grabbed his hands. "No, you weren't."

Jake looked at her hands on his and pulled away. "Answer one question. When did you stop loving me?"