More Than Love (NG3)

42 - Storm

When Sasha disconnected from her call with Laney, she cried. Her hot tears fell in quick succession. The only emotions she could pinpoint were loneliness and pity. For years she kept busy and told herself she was independent as a guise to feeling alone. She watched other single adults find love and families, like Patrick and Maddie.

She had witnessed a long list of couples fall in love. It was Reed's turn and she couldn't be happier. Why couldn't she find love? That was an essay question, and the conclusion would include Jake Watson. She couldn't achieve something she didn't deserve. As amazing as Laney's return to her life had been, it had also resurrected feelings Sasha had walled off years ago. It was easier to be the happy artist who survived a cheating husband.

Work and the beach were her saviors. It was true after her marriage disintegrated and would be for the foreseeable future. Davis was upset she didn't stay with him when she went to the jewelry show. Instead, she stayed at the hotel and had dinner with some other jewelers she was friendly with. A part of her was afraid to see him. She was on the cusp of throwing in the towel and giving in to him.

Loneliness versus betrayal.

She had been living with both for so long. Maybe she should flip a coin and accept her fate.

Reed had called her every night. What had Laney told him? She trusted her child. Reed promised a visit the weekend after the big dinner. Sasha wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall. Marnie and Davis were always interesting, but Davis and Jake could be combustible and it would be her fault. Everything was, but she had shared with Davis her pain. He knew Jake's reaction hurt her. He also knew she loved Jake and was jealous. It was ironic because she was happy with Davis until he ruined it.

Maybe she and Davis belonged together. She had hurt her true love by running away, and Davis hurt his. She believed him when he said he loved no wife like her. Round and round, her mind went with no answer.

While Maureen was entertaining, like Martha Stewart, Sasha walked on the beach. There were a lot of surfers and she thought of Reed. A tropical storm was heading up the coast. The weather reports promised only rain and winds, but Point residents knew better. She had been to the grocery store the day before and had checked her emergency supplies.

As she walked back, she heard the familiar sound of generators starting up. Everyone knew to test their unit, just in case. Davis had insisted on buying her the expensive kind that turned on automatically. He took care of her. Hopefully, she wouldn't need it.

She set to work on a custom order. Her TV was on, and she listened to a movie she had seen a handful of times before. One movie ran into another and she finally stood to stretch as the sun was low beneath the clouds which had been rolling in. The winds had kicked up, but the rain hadn't started.

She was glad to have leftovers because cooking took energy she didn't have. A loud knock at her door made her jump. Was Robbie checking in on her?

She looked a mess in an oversize tee and faded leggings. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail with a scrunchy. She wore Ragg wool socks because her feet were cold after her walk.

When she pulled open her door, her smile turned into a frown. Her heart beat as confusion took over. Why was Jake Watson on her porch?

The first raindrops started with a gust of wind. Jake looked up. "Can I get out of the rain?"

She stepped aside as his tall form entered her home and looked around. Did he see his mother's influence in her decor?

"Jake, why are you here?"

He looked her over from head to foot, but hid his thoughts. "Why didn't you go to dinner?"

"You drove a hundred miles with a storm at your tail to ask me that?"

"Just answer the question!"

She sighed. "I'm neither Reed's nor Laney's mother. I thought it was important for Maureen and Marnie to meet without me."

"So you're saying I shouldn't have been there?"

Sasha shrugged. "Davis and Paul met. You had more of a right than Marnie's husband. He had no use for Reed once he married Marnie and had his own son."

Jake shook his head. "Jesus, these people. Laney grew up lucky compared to Reed."

"I tried to offer Reed stability. But you didn't drive here to talk about Reed. Who told you where I lived?"

Jake shrugged. "Everyone, including your boyfriend, who mentioned the street being changed from Fourth to Puffin. Your house is the only one with a car in front." All her neighbors had left for the winter. "I figured if I knocked on the wrong door, they'd point me to the right one."

"Why did you come? For the record, Davis is my friend, not..."

"He let me know that you two are an item." Jake shook his head. "But you're right, I didn't come here because you are throwing your life away to be with a cheater."

Sasha turned around. "I'm hungry. You can tell me while I eat. Do you want something?"

"No, I ate earlier. Go ahead."

She leaned into the fridge. "Reed has beer, but you have to drive in a storm."

She emerged with a container of homemade soup. Jake was leaning against her counter. His presence felt uncomfortable. As familiar as he looked, he had changed from the boy she loved. His face was harder with more lines and his build broader.

Feeling uncomfortable with him in her domain. "I know you came to tell me how much you hate me. Just say it and go, before the storm traps you."

"I don't hate you. I wanted to but couldn't." He sighed and crossed his arms across his chest, flexing his biceps. Young Jake never had muscles like those. "I don't know why I came. I was talking to Laney and felt the need to drive."

"I can keep telling you I'm sorry."

She busied herself putting the bowl of soup in the microwave.

"My mother says." He paused and shook his head. "I don't know how to move past this boulder in front of me. I try, but then I remember."

She stood leaning against the opposite counter. "Remember what?"

He looked at his shoes. "That you left, and you gave my baby away. My only child."

"You could have had children."

He shook his head. "You don't get it. Everything in my life has been doomed."

Sasha grasped at straws. "Your career?"

He looked up at her. His eyes looked like storm clouds. "The career that nearly killed me."

Sasha felt the tears. "I'm sorry. I was young and alone and thought I was saving you."

He straightened his elbows and balled his fists. "You weren't alone and you sure as hell didn't save me!"

The microwave went off, but Sasha ignored it. She wasn't hungry anymore. What could she say to him to make him understand? They stood silent for a long time, neither looking at the other. Her sob shattered the heavy silence. Only inside was it quiet. Outside, the wind was blowing the rain as it pelted the house.

"You should go. The storm. It took twenty-six years to create this mess. You can keep your anger longer."

He nodded and left into the torrential rain. As she watched his tail lights fade away, she sank into her sofa and cried.

Jake would never forgive her, and she didn't deserve it. Listening to him, she ruined his life. Maybe she didn't even deserve a cheating husband. She should live her life alone. She'd start when and if the tears dried up. A gust of wind shook the house, and a chill ran through her.

She looked up and closed her eyes. She and God had a tentative relationship at best. "Please let Jake be safe."

She would never forgive herself if something happened to him.

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