More Than Love (NG3)

30 - Risk

If emotions were colors, Sasha's emotional spectrum would have been an abstract of multi-colored splotches with no pattern. On the ride to Boston, she felt a comfortable nostalgia. It had been fifteen years since she rode in a car with Davis driving and Reed in the backseat. It was as if her family always existed in an alternate universe. Davis wanted to make the universe real, but the more he persisted, more doubt filled her heart.

Trust was difficult to give after it had been ripped to shreds. She trusted Davis in a lot of ways. He would always drop anything if she needed him. One of his marriages ended when she had a car accident. His wife wasn't happy when the workaholic drove two hours to be by his ex-wife's side. Sasha knew every wife felt threatened by her. He loved her best, but they never had sex when he was in a relationship. She stupidly allowed him to get over every relationship in her bed.

Thinking back, it had been a long stretch. His last one ended before Sasha received Laney's letter. During her vulnerability, Davis had been there more than ever, and she let him. She glanced at his profile. It was as familiar as the back of her hand.

Davis had been asking Reed about his job. She could feel the excitement in the younger man's responses.

"Sweetheart, I'm glad you love it. I'm surprised you wanted to come tonight."

Sasha sensed there was more to Reed's omission about meeting Laney. Was it her imagination?

The confusion churning inside of her grew stronger with each mile. She had barely survived dinner with Jake. She wasn't looking forward to his hateful glares. If Davis saw them, he would try to protect her. Add his mother, Diane, to the mix and Sasha's guilt was bubbling into her throat, ready to choke her.

When Davis parked the car in a public garage, Sasha was hesitant to open the door and climb out. Reed opened it and offered his hand.

"You okay, Sash?"

She looked up at him. He looked handsome dressed in his work clothes. She dressed up, hoping to look sophisticated, not like the free spirit who lived on the beach. Her reputation was a farce because her spirit was never free. It had always been shackled by the love she clung to. Recently, she began viewing herself as a martyr holding onto past loves.

Feeling pathetic, she touched the heart pendant she'd been wearing. If only she knew how to let them all go, not Reed. Their love was appropriate and mutual, but even her love for Laney needed to be redefined. She had to let go of the baby who lived in her memory. She needed to figure out how to love the beautiful, talented woman. Laney would never visit her if it meant endless tears.

Letting go of Davis wouldn't be easy and would leave her alone. Alone was the hell she lived in for five years, between her baby being taken out of her arms and meeting Davis. Alone was the first years after her divorce, except she had Reed on scheduled visits. Alone scared her most of all.

Exorcising Jake would be easy. He hated her, but she couldn't find a way to reciprocate it. Again, the guilt threatened to choke her.

Reed tried again. "Come on. You should feel proud. Your genes contributed to this evening."

Reluctantly, she climbed out of the car and walked flanked by dual Davis men. When they reached the gallery, Davis opened the door, allowing her to enter, followed by Reed. Laney appeared and embraced her. When she released her, she was face to face with Diane. She had aged gracefully, and still looked like the woman who taught Sasha about family.

Growing up, the bible, and not the passages about love, had defined her family. The focus was on obeying and serving, not God but his designee. Her father manipulated religion to serve himself. Looking back, she wondered how his flock didn't see it. The Watsons weren't stupid people, although her father had a way with words and gave riveting sermons. He was a con man masquerading as a pastor. Sasha never knew if her mother was part of it willingly or because she was subservient. Either way, the adult child didn't care. Oddly, her heart held on to love for everyone, except her parents. They moved around so much she had stopped keeping track when they disapproved of Davis.